it won’t go away

[purplecrayon]

I posted here once when I was 17 -- I'm almost 21 now -- and I've been
fighting emet since I was 8. I'm not set off by being around anyone sick
nearly as much as I am by the thought that it could happen to me. This is
bad because when I start to feel sick or just get scared that I might throw
up, I stop eating, and this is no way to live.

The fear comes and goes somewhat randomly, and I can't control it very
well when I can control it at all. I usually don't tell people when I'm
feeling sick or scared or both, mostly because I'm afraid that if I bring
attention to it it will happen. The fear is tied to a lot of things: I was
afraid to go to college and now I'm afraid to move to another city because
I feel that home is somehow safe for me, I sometimes get neurotic and
OCD about what times I eat, etc. Although it's its own entity, I've noticed
that my fear of throwing up often goes hand in hand with anxiety or
emotional upset, and a fear of being alone plays a great part in it (ex:
even when scared I feel somehow safer in a roomful of people or with
someone I know.). My fear of throwing up and my consequent fear of
eating even affects my relationships with people. I've met the man I want
to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm even afraid to eat with him. I
can't live my life like this and I'm tired of this fear holding me back.

I know I can get counseling when I go back to school at the end of
August. But in the meantime, when I can't get or afford therapy, what can
I do to get myself to stop being afraid and start eating normally? I'm
starting to lose it lately and nothing I tell myself is making me feel better.
Anything would be appreciated.

[bexcelica]

you know whats funny. i read your post and i had to double check to see
who wrote it. i thought "did i write that and just forget?" i am the
same way as you. i am not afraid to eat with my boyfriend, but i am
afraid to move to another city, i had a LOT of trouble at college, i
was home every weekend. i am afriad to tell people when i feel sick
because i feel that has some relevance to it actually happening.

i cant really tell you how you can help yourself because i am still
suffering from emet (im also 21 and have been suffering from it since i
was about 8 or 9). all i can tell you is that youre not the only one -
i seriously could have written what you wrote, so even if you ever want
to talk, if you feel worried or anythign PLEASE send me a message,
email or im... they're all in my profile. YOUR NOT ALONE



becky