Family and Wedding...

[Galadriel]

Hey all,


Welp, as you know me and William are getting married the end of next month. Any of you who have been married, do you have suggestions for a more erm..budgeted wedding? Its tough because my mom wants me to do all this expensive stuff that we clearly couldn't afford, and she assumes that my dad will just pay for everything. Well, we are playing it safe and not going on the assumption that he will. Even if he did pay for everything, I still wouldn't go nuts on a big spending spree. We are planning just having it at the Methodist church I used to go to when I was younger and that my dad still goes to, and the reception downstairs in the basement room (they have a good sized room down there). Well I tell mom all this and shes like "thats awful, your ruining it" and okay she hasn't even asked me once how much money we have to spend (as in we can't go blowing it on all this stuff). She wants us to rent a nice hall, have a live band, and an open bar and all this stuff, and there is NO WAY I am doing all that. I mean I know shes irrational, but its depressing for her to tell me that I'm like ruining it, and its frustrating because I feel like I'm not getting that much help anyways with everything. I mean people don't just magically know how to plan and do a wedding! It just gets frustrating. Anyone have stories of their wedding that they had and it was on the simpler side?

[swiftette]

Sorry , I got married in Las Vegas.No it was'nt a drunken spur of the moment thing[img]smileys/smilies_31.gif[/img]I Do?We planned on getting married out there because we had the money for either the reception or the honeymoon(and we really wanted a honeymoon) So, we got married there.It was so romantic-Elvis even gave me away[img]smileys/smilies_14.gif[/img]Don't be cruel baby! Okay, so he was an Elvis impersonator-but they really are quite convincing out there!(I'm from Boston)My advice to you would be first- talk to your dad about what he is willing to contribute.THEN sit down and make a list with3 columns:What I need,What I'd like and WhatI'd love.Then start pricing around.There is this guy on TV David Tuterra-the partyplanner, you could get loads of ideas from him.

[aguerra29]

I had a whopper of a wedding. I am an only child and my dad is old fashioned so I spent way too much money on my wedding.
I planned everything myself and I wanted what I wanted and didn't want the opinion of anybody who was not paying for anything. My sister-in-law was a pain in the ass during the planning. SHe told me my dress wasn't fancy enough and "what was I thinking" wanting the bridesmaids to wear black shoes.
It sounds like your mom is forgetting that your wedding is about you and not her. I am also assuming that your parents are divorced? It sounds like your mom wants your dad to spend a bunch of money. You need to sit her down and tell her how you feel. Tell her it's your wedding and you will do it how you want. If she wants to have it in a nice hall then maybe she should pitch in. I don't mean to sound harsh or rude.

Weddings bring out the worst in people. Believe me I know.

[HDogg]

I had a wedding on the cheap side. My dad was only going to put down $5,000 and most weddings now are at least two or three times that much. And we sure didn't have the money to pay for the rest. So we also got married in my Methodist church and had the reception at the church hall. We purposely got married in the early afternoon, so we wouldn't have to pay for a full dinner. We had hors d'eurvs (or however the heck you spell it)-- and fried chicken and veggies. We served plain ol' punch to drink and we had sparkling grape juice for the toast. We hired a DJ that was a friend of the family, so we got a discount. Our florist was one of my mom's good friends--another discount. We went with a freelance photographer who worked from his home--another discount. Because I was a member of the church, the hall rental was free. We only had to pay for food and beverages. Hiring the minister was also half price, as well as the organist.


The only thing I really splurged on was the wedding dress and cake. But the dress was still on sale because the bridal store was having a sale.


So, there are definitely ways to have a nice wedding for cheap, if you have "connections," like I did. Maybe your great-grandmother on your mother's side's nephew has a sister who is a florist and your brother's fraternity brother from college is a DJ or something like that. If you do some digging, you can pull it off! Good luck! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[jesskali]

Weddings are nice and you want them to be memorable, but you must keep in mind that a wedding doesn't make a marriage. I say that because I have seen so many friends and acquaintances spend thousands of dollars on weddings and they end up divorced a few years later. My ex-best friend had a $30,000 wedding and less than 4 years later they were divorced. And, get this, her second wedding was just as expensive as the first! My husband's sister had a similar type of wedding and 4 years later they were also divorced.

I decided on a simple but elegant wedding. There were certain things that I felt were important, such as my dress, my portrait, and our honeymoon. We splurged on those areas and tried to save on others. I got married near Christmas, so the place I got married was pretty much already decorated. I only had one attendant and a miniature bride and groom. The ceremony was short and sweet--23 minutes from beginning to end with 2 songs in the middle. I only invited about 50 people--family and close friends--so that saved money on the reception.

Just keep in mind the real reason you are getting married--you have found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. A wedding is for one day, a marriage is for a lifetime!

Good luck!

Jess

[sillygirl]

I think weddings have changed a lot in the past decade or so, and maybe your mom isn't aware of that. Most of my friends (and myself also) are having the reception at the same plac eas the wedding. Not only is it cheaper, but the guests prefer it. They don't have to drive around town from one place to the other, and wait forever for the bride and groom to finally show up so they can eat. I loved my wedding - it was simple, fairly short and also fairly inexpensive. Plus it was so easy! The place we got married supplied everything - the DJ, the catering, the linens, bartender - everything! Big weddings are so much stress. I have watched some friends who had to plan down to the last centerpiece and by the time the day came, they were so sick of the planning that they just wanted to get it over with.


I will tell you exactly what I told all of my friends that got married after me - your wedding is for you. Most likely you will only do it once, and it should be how you want it. You (and your husband) are the only people whose opinions matter. If you don't want the big huge expensive wedding, then don't do it. It's YOUR day, not your mom's or anyone else's. You need to do whatever feels right to you.


On the other hand - remember that it is just one day out of your life. If anything goes wrong (or at least not exactly the way you want it to) don't worry about it. Just try and relax and have fun. This is supposed to be one of the best days of your life and stress will ruin that.


As far as finances go, most people just can't afford big weddings anymore. Face it, the cost of living has increased so much (comparatively) with when our parents got married. Back then it didn't take two incomes to afford a mortgage on a small house. We need to be a lot more careful with our money now.


I just keep rambling here, so I will stop. Just do whatever feels right to you, no matter what anyone else thinks. It will still be wonderful!

[Galadriel]

Thank you for all your kind words!


Yeah we are on a major tight budget, and yea mom doesn't seem to realize these things. I mean I told her that I was doing what I was doing, yet she still of course acts like Im doing it all wrong because how she had her wedding. She's afraid its going to be a flop and no one is going to think good of it. To be honest thats not much what I'm concerned about. I just wanna do it and thats that! Yeah they are divorced my mom and dad, and my mom lives like 4 hours away, so we talkby phone. I try and not let it get to me mostly, because mom is like that anyways.


I've talked to the church people, and they can do the food for a fee, and of course pastor/building usage fees, and my fiance's mom can do decorations (yay!) and I am using my moms dress, so that cuts a lot of costs. I never did want a huge wedding anyways, because well I'm not too into that, and plus yea we are on like a major budget, but thats fine with me. I agree its just we aren't able to have a huge thing what with costs, but thats okay. My aunt does help some, because she had a very inexpensive wedding, and she knows what thats about some. Man, do we even need like bridesmaids/groomsmen? If we do I would only have one for each of us. I'm not into the like 10 of each! Man my mom, her cousin had a wedding, and it was HUGE and really really nice, and she had like 8 bridesmaids, and of course they were very rich so they could do all that stuff. Its nuts how far some people go.

[sillygirl]

You do't have to have bridesmaids/groomsmen if you don't want to. Or you can have just one of each if you want. There has to be witnesses to sign the marriage certificate, but it can be anyone that was there (you need two). I guarantee you it will be great no matter what. Mine was pretty small and simple and we got so many compliments on it. And they weren't the fake kind eaither. People were actually happy to go to a wedding that was a little different than the usual. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan. Just stick to it and your mom will see that it will still turn out great!

[kmarie]

I did mine on abudget almost two years ago..and it was the best day of my life. we had the ceremony in our back yard..in july..so all the flowers were in bloom..we didnt rent a tent..we just prayed it didnt rain..we did buy plastic white chairs for everyone though!!


we had the reception right acorss the street at the local VFW hall.. (they even cancled bingo for us!!!)....my mother0in0law deccorated it and it was beautiful. we served finegr foods.a local resteraunt catered it for $1,000..which was what my parents contributed (nothing else..the rest had to be paid for by my husband and i)...we had a rehearsal dinner....well acook out right at the house!!!


Thankfully a family memebr made my cake..and another did my flowers (sweet epas and whtie roses for me and wild flowers fresh from her backyard for the bridesmaids)...i splurged on the photographer and Im glad I did..i also splurged on my dress (over $1,000)....but we paid for almsto everything.


ideas to save money: have a tiny little cake and then get a nice sheet cake to feed the guests!... flowers...go very simple..a single lily..or rose is very elegent.. had a mid afternoon wedding reception so you dont "have" to do a full corse meal!





good luck..just remember its all about you and your man!

[SimplyMe]

I'm not married so I don't actually have any advice lol but I wanted to congratulate you again and wish you all the best! Also last night on Dr. Phil he had these people w/ bad weddings and this one chick was totally flipping out and ready to get a divorce because there was a storm that ruined her wedding. It was amazing! In my personal unmarried opinion a weddiing is great, if you can have the fantasy even better but it isn't the make or break of the marriage. The two people saying I do are the one's that will do that. So ultimately as long as YOU (not your mother) and William are happy about the plans and the day and love each other than who cares where it is or how fancy? Simply wedded couples have just as good of marriages (or bad) as fancily married couples. So, enjoy, i'ts your day and the start of your new life w/ your new hubby!