Well...

[Kinetic]

So i think that its interesting the past few days i have had where all my panic has slowly brewed again. I have done nothing different, except use this website more frequently than usual.

I think that myself and many other users are trapped in a cycle of feeding each others fear. Sure this is a place to vent, to seek support. But i am finding that it is a pool of collective fear that spills over into my life and honestly, last week when i hardly logged on was possibly the best week of my life since i can remember even before joinig this forum. I am not having a dig at the concept of this community but frankly i think the less inclined i am to use it is probably better. As much as i wish to help people it is unfortunately not always in my best interests. Its nice knowing there are people goin through similar issues, but unnecessary stress is unnecessary. Does anyone agree with me on this? Again im not trying to be untactful but i am having a mood tonight, and i need to express my discontent rationally. I and everyone else here hates this bitch of a phobia, but visiting the emetophobia forum just feels like an invitation to panic sometimes.
Rant over and out.

[bex]

I'm with you on this - I re-joined the site a couple of weeks ago having not been on for a good 8/9 months. While it's reassuring to know that others understand the angst and constant fear, it can also make me panic more about situations others are in that hadn't yet occurred to me. Does that make sense? While I don't want to stop posting and trying to help people when I can, relying on this site solely for support isn't going to make my emet go away...sure, the short term fix is a great help - but I can't help but feel I ought to try to depend on MYSELF more.
Ahhh, I don't know

[Kinetic]

Yes! You have nailed my point. I read something today about noro which made me quite worried because it was not something i had considered. Not going into specifics but the point is i think that sometimes i would rather be ignorant and get on with life, because it seems my brain does not thrive on this knowledge: it actually implodes to the point where he only option is to panic. I think my emet has reached the point where i would rather it lay dormant inside me, not getting better or worse, so that i can at least have a normalish life.

But i am with you on your last point - before this forum, i was all about dealing with it myself. I guess in hindsight i think even though it was frustrating, at least my life was pretty good most of the time. Sometimes you just gotta settle for good enough, and i know this site will not cure me as such. I dont even think i will get over emetophobia, i think its more about accepting that life is fucked - but thats normal ( if that makes sense).

[bex]

That makes complete sense, yeah. I'd often rather be blissfully unaware then look back at something I did/was exposed to that someone on here picked up on as being a terrifying experience and think "wow, I did it. I managed to avoid the anxiety because I just didn't have a CLUE. And I was fine." I do, however, sometimes fall victim to the dreaded Google search on noro levels across the country - the more panic my brain is fed, the more it needs to explore every possible avenue to try and a/ convince me that it's not as bad as I thought (rare), or b/ heighten my awareness of sv* levels so I can avoid, well, life in general at all costs (frequent).

Ignorance is bliss, they say - but once you're on here, ignorance is the last thing you'll experience. What I always try to work out is would I rather plough on with a lower level of awareness knowing that there *could* (potentially) be a higher level of me picking something up BUT be happier and less anxious, or cram my brain with every noro refernece/definition/avoidance technique under the sun and drive myself insane through anxiety and panic, knowing full well that although my chances could be lower, it's never IMPOSSIBLE to contract an sv*. That was a stupidly long sentence. Guess what it comes down to is that anxiety is predominantly, if not entirely, responsible for the emet and its physical implications. While I love this website and have found comfort here on countless occasions, I am fully aware that it does increase my anxiety. And as such....well. I think you know the point I'm trying to make. Ramble ramble ramble. MY BRAIN IS SUCH A MESS!

[Kinetic]

Bex, i 100% agree. In a lot of ways coming on here feeds my ocd tendencies because it craves knowledge and awareness.

[bex]

Do you find yourself drawn to the graphic threads? This may sound odd, but I have an obsession with reading these - it's like a fascination I'm unable to avoid that terrifies the hell out of me. Totally counterproductive and entirely conducive to anxiety, but still I do it to myself.... Like you say, I suppose I'm just craving the knowledge in order to prevent it from happening - but all that does it make me panic when I notice any of the symptoms I would never normally have considered alarming.

[bakogirl]

I understand. When I get on here because I'm having an attack or not feeling well. I start to read other posts thinking helping someone else out may make me feel better. But sometimes I have to close the window because some post actually make me feel worse.

[Cynna]

I am not a germaphobe, but this site is sometimes trying to push me to that extreme. This site can make v... a much bigger issue than my mind does. I also feel bad since sometimes I know I can not help people. I know some on here need help from a medical professional. Sometimes I feel that if I do not answer a panic post, then what will happen to that person? Will they be ok until someone else logs on? That is a responsibility that I do not need. I have to force myself to logout sometimes. This site can also make me upset with how much illness is out there. Trying not to imagine myself surrounded by v... Then there is also the debate on whether we should try to help each get over this or feed the fire of anxiety by encouraging irrational behavior. Finally, as a compassionate person it hurts to see others in pain knowing I cannot take away their pain.

I had a professional therapist tell me to logout for a year while I worked on exposure therapy and mediation.

Kinetic, I like talking to you. The number person you have to think about it you. Do what is best for you. If it helps you to logout, then do it. I want to see you living your life to the fullest and not obsessing about v....

Everyone else needs to look at whether or not the site helps them and act accordingly. I need to figure that one out for myself also.

I am glad people have a place to post their feelings. Sometimes it is easier to really honest to a "stranger" than someone in your circle of friends/family. Suicide posts, posts where all hope is gone and posts where people are a ball of knots for a long period of time are the ones that are hard. I wish I had a magic wand. I am not judging anyone at all. I am here since I have panic attacks when I see v... I am a semi hermit because of this. I came to this site due to Justin Beiber v... on stage of all people. I have my own quirks and irrational thoughts. I take meds. I should get my butt to a therapist myself. Money.....

[Momma2tworockstars]

I 100% agree. I have always been worried about sv* but not until I started researching it online and found this site did I worry about going out to eat or to parties or anything like that. Now I'm a total recluse thanks to alm the things I've read about it being on a door handle or how some lab somewhere found that noro isn't completely killed on some restaurant plates or whatever. No I can't stop, I can't stop logging on, reading, then worrying. I'm so much worse than I was 2 years ago since I found this site. Ugh it's frustrating. My husband just brought up a good point the other day. Ive always feared sv* and v* but I worked in a grocery store and restaurant. I went to school. Then when my kids were younger we went places. I enjoying my life. Sure I worried but I ate at fairs, rode rides, functioned like a normal person. The v* fear was always there but until I started reading how it lurks everywhere etc. I enjoyed my life and guess what I was fine. I didn't v* for 8 years. So Wth? I enjoyed my life and didn't get sick. Why can't I go back to that.
Sorry op for my rant. I totally agree with you! This place is making me worse but I can't stop coming here.

[Kinetic]

Agree with everyone, it just seems to fuel anxiety and make v* seem like the ultimate evil. Honestly before i joined here i think there was one occasion in 7 years where i came close, but i got through it. Now, if i feel unwell i come one here and log off feeling worse. Counterproductive is a good word to describe that.

[Kinetic]

Bex - yes the graphic threads do get my attention but its not so much the v* that bothers me, its the fact that new information is usually presented about how i could catch noro which causes further anxiety.

Cynna- i do feel that i enjoy talking to you and many members, but at the expense of my real life and moving on with it despite my fear it seems i need to invest majority of my time there, here being a place i can retreat to every now and then. I might take a few days to mull this, thanks everyone for the insightful replies!