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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    UK, Northamptonshire.
    Posts
    612

    Unhappy Feeling SO depressed...

    It seems like everyday I feel more and more miserable. I'm feeling kinda suicidal too and have been since mid August time this year really. I've lost many friends because of the way I act with this phobia and been called 'weird', 'a failure', etc.. I would never end my life though, no matter how awful I feel as I love my family way too much to do that. They're the only people that keep me going really. But everyday is a constant struggle and battle and to be frank, I'm at wits end with it, I cannot put up with it anymore.. I'm always feeling nauseous, I apparently have acid reflux which makes me feel like I'm going to v* all the time, I can't sleep, I can't eat properly and I'm crying an awful lot which my parents are getting fed up of and I don't blame them. I just want it all to go away.. I should be enjoying my life, not spending every day miserable and not doing anything, but I just can't anymore.. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy, I can't relax when I feel extremely nauseous and I pray I won't v*. It's going to sound selfish, but I'm kind of jealous of my Mum who's a very laid back person and just gets on with her life like every other normal person. I have this odd feeling that I will never get over this phobia or feel better generally, so what is the point living? :(
    Virtue - "You don't need a reason to help people"


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: Feeling SO depressed...

    You'll be glad to know that it gets better. I was like that perhaps 15 years ago, and I was adamant it wasn't going to change. I made a pact with myself that if I wasn't better by 25 I'd just end myself. The good news, is it got better and although I'm still emet, I have a lot of it under control. There are still times where it's a little hard to manage, but just know that it gets better, regardless of what you think at this moment in time. For what it's worth I'm 31 now.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Posts
    114

    Default Re: Feeling SO depressed...

    Hi there. Don't give up. I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder as a kid and (obviously) I'm emet. I now work in mental health and am training to be a clinical social worker, but I still struggle each day to overcome the kind of crippling fears you describe. Please know it IS possible to live life differently. It may be harder for us, but it's possible! I was you - some days I still am you. I don't know what you've tried, but you need to get professional help. Whether it be individual counseling and meds, or perhaps a residential/inpatient stay at a anxiety/OCD/phobia unit. I'm in the US so I don't know what resources you have available to you, just what we have here and what I've done, but YOU have to take the first step somehow! The longer you sit around doing nothing, the worse you will feel - I can promise you that. I know it's overwhelming, but do a little bit every day - research, make phone calls, get appointments... meet with people who understand what you're going through and have the tools to help you help yourself!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    1,437

    Default Re: Feeling SO depressed...

    Hi Ris
    I'm so sorry you are having such a struggle now.
    I too am emet and have been since I was about 6 or so-I'm 41 now. I can completely relate to everything you said. I often have periods where I backslide and feel the exact same way.
    Emet is so strange in that it seems to come on very strong and then recede, sometimes for no apparent reason. It's hard to see all the good there is when the situation feels hopeless, but it will get better-I promise!
    It's very easy to get stuck in a rut of doing nothing except sitting at home and obsessing/panicking over IT, and this does nothing but make you feel worse. When I'm having a dark time, I have to force myself to do things I normally love doing, but it really does help lift your spirits. Start out small-put your iPod on and listen to some music while you take a quick walk down the street, play with your dog/cat, bake some cookies, go shopping and buy yourself something smashing, read a funny website, good novel, or some trashy celebrity gossip msgazines, get a massage or manicure/pedicure-something/anything to break out of your rut and
    give yourself a little happiness. You, and all of us, deserve to feel happiness.
    Lastly, if you truly ever do feel tempted to harm yourself, please get help immediately. This bullshit phobia is not worth losing a life to.
    Sending you hugs from across the Atlantic
    Jennifer
    “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”
    ― John Milton, Paradise Lost

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    UK, Northamptonshire.
    Posts
    612

    Default Re: Feeling SO depressed...

    Thank you all for the kind replies! I wish I could just say to myself to just screw this phobia and do the things I've always avoided because of this horrid phobia, but I just... can't. I feel weak and kinda pathetic over it. I'm having exposure therapy at the moment, so I'm hoping to get somewhere with that. Even if it's going to be hard getting through it, if it means getting rid of this phobia then I'm more than willing to get through it. To be honest, I'll do anything to cure this phobia right now. I'm trying to do things to take my mind off it, like playing games and drawing, which seems to be helping a little. Going to have a nice bath and some hot chocolate later, and probably a little walk around the block. Oh and thank you for the hugs jmoore10!
    Virtue - "You don't need a reason to help people"


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    2,933

    Default Re: Feeling SO depressed...

    You are not weak, a failure, or pathetic. You are battling a nasty phobia that at times leaves you paralyzed with fear. Good luck on your treatment. I think deciding to do something about this phobia is a very important step. You will get there. It does take time, but it will get better.

 

 

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