back to square one

[ejb199]

well hey everyone - i havent been around for ages and ages - thought i could cope - but i cant.

im sorry to disappoint all who know/knew me and my situation - but i have to go back onto the effexor - i just cant cope now that im off them fully.

life is terrible - cant eat, cant leave my house when im really paranoid. finding it hard to work and panicking pretty much every day about being sick. its just awful. im having the worst panic attacks ever and terrible ibs each day.

i spoke to doctor urgently yesterda - she has given me more effexor, some anit-emetic drugs incase going back on makes me feel sick and she suggested valium to calm me down - i havent taken this as she says its addictive - but its there if i need it. anyone had any experiences with this? she said valium/diazapam(SP?!)

while all this is going on, i have to phone around some private hospitals and try and get my self booked into therapy asap - i know i need it - its just the financial commitment aswell. i cant believe the amount of tax i pay each month - and i cant get CBT on NHS and i still have to pay 6.50 for a damn prescription - its a joke - an absolute joke.

oh lifes just crap isnt it. somedays i just wish id crash and die - i just cant be arsed withit anymore guys - just when u think ur getting over it - it washes back - its just crap.

im sorry

ems x

[Galadriel]

Hey Em,

First off your not a failure, life can throw us curve balls. I
find that when Im in a new situacion/environment it tries to act up
again. I've just married and am trying to adjust to living in a new
place after having never moved before, its rough, and emet tries to pop
up. Thats very good that you talked to your doc and she gave you some
stuff to help. Don't feel bad about it, sometimes we need some help to
get through, its better than living life in this horrible fear. Therapy
sounds good too, I know tho what you mean about finances. It can be
real hard to pay for it. I hope things get easier for you.

</font></span>

[ontariogirl]

Em I totally agree with Galadriel, don't put yourself down like that please. Everyone goes through the ups and downs with this phobia. Things will get better I promise they will.

[japa]

If the Effexor helps you feel better, then take it, and don't feel upset about it. Why suffer alone if something can help you live life with greater peace?

[Hale]

Emma, I have got an appointment with my GP tomorrow because I am struggling so much since I reduced my dosage of effexor. I haven't been sleeping and keep having thoughts of ending it all. I realy don't want to go back to taking 75mg (rather than 37.5) because I don't want to have been through all this for nothing but I can't carry on like this. I know it is a nightmare but you mustn't be hard on yourself because I know that you really tried and maybe the time just wasn't right. If you want to talk e-maill me or pm me. I am still very proud of you and I really mean that. Take care and stay strong. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[2jo2]

Can you switch to another drug? One that makes you not feel so yuck if you miss a dose or are late on taking it? There are so many out there, you shouldn't be stuck to Effexor, and I've heard Prozac will help with the withdrawls, something about the half-life is shorter, where Effexor is longer or the opposite... but I guess my point is that you shouldn't have to suffer. Talk to your doctor about other alternatives.


Things will get better.

[Jenneh]

aww Ems... ((((hugs you))))


you really are not going to disappoint us... ever.


and i disagree w/ your title "back to square one". square one was not knowing you had this emetophobia and how to deal w/ it. you have very sensuibly gone back on the tablets (which i have as well, if it helps its wrorth it, it is not a sign of weakness or anything) and are looking for some therapy.


i hope things start to look up for you soon i truly do. u konw where i am (on MSN)


Jenxxx

[redapple]

nods to galadriel and jenneh

we are all proud of you for still being enough outside of your fears to
take initiative to help yourself. this takes a lot of courage,
determination, and optimism. whether you're feeling it right this
second or not--you have it! don't let go!

[samara's on tv]

Yes I agree with everyone else. I mean my Emetophobia is BAD NOW and I'm on TWO MEDS think of what I would be like if I wasn't on any! I think that if it makes you feel better and it helps you cope then you should be on it. It's not a bad thing to be on medication, if you really need it. I'm glad you are seeking help and I know how hard it is to pay for therapy but it's good that you are seeking it! Keep going girl!


~Monica

[Eternity]

whats effexor ?


n dont say your sorry, dont ever apologise for who you are or how you feel.

[ejb199]

god im so self obsessed right now that i havent even been therefore u guys.

Galadriel - i knew u were getting married - i just didnt realise it had come so soon! Congrats babe!

Jen - how are u doing? i know uve been going thro a much rougher time than me...

Hale - thankyou babe - exactly the same here - i have had mega sleep problems that are leading me to complete exhaustion - and thoughts of ending it all - yep - i prett ymuch cry at every opportunity and wish my life would end. i just dont know what to do and feel so helpless. i think i too will go to 37.5mg and see what i feel like then. altho maybe if i need 75mg then i think id rather take that than feel like i do now.

altho then the doc says that therapy without the meds will be better coz i am feeling it all real - and not artificially as the meds will be helping me - i know what she means - but therapy is hard to get.

i enquired at private hospitals coz there just isnt NHS referals in my area. it costs around £100 per hour session of CBT. i said your having a laugh arent you - theres no way i can commit £100 per week for one hour for as mnay weeks as it takes. so she gave me some phobia numbers to call and i am writing to the NPS as apparetnly they can help you sort out therapy - i am alreayd a member too.

Eternity- effexor is a med - for depression/anxiety - its a horrid little beast - i have a love hate relationship with the damn drug...

thanks everyone else too for your kind words of wisdom - i just feel like there will just never be an end to this. and kinda like the docs are all screaming i told u so - coz when i said i wanted to come off they were like well why? they just see meds as an easy way out coz there is no other help for these probs in the UK - or if it is it will cost you an arm and both ya legs.

touching wood - i have been ok for the past two days - much calmer and collected. i have felt better at work and today has been the first day that i have had some neergy. i have been eating aswell - jon has been cooking little things for me - nice comforty food that im used to.

any wys ill stop going on.

i promise to catch up with u all and the board as soon as i can - our internet is on the blink at home - our house got struck by lightning - kind of - it blew our electrics and our Ethernet things for wireless internet.

hugs

ems xxxxxx

[Hale]

I am glad you are feeling calmer. I know how hard it is. When I came off them in 2003 I must have been very lucky because that was nothing compared to what I am going through now. The GP I saw today was great. I felt like he listened and he has prescribed me another drug called promazine to help caklm me down and get to sleep. Don't really want to go down that road but I think I need to. I hate to think of you suffering but because you have been so open about your withdrawals and everything you have really helped me and I am so grateful to you. We could never be disappointed in you because you have really tried so hard. I know you might feel like you will never get better now but I honestly believe you will. I had a breakdown in January 2000 and had to attend an awful day hospital. I felt at rock bottom and thought there was no hope but I learned that I was stronger than I thought I was.After a couple of months my confidence started to grow and the emet subsided and I achieved so much. That lasted for 2 years and although when I got made redundant the emet came back and I felt like I was back to square one, I learned that I could never be back to square one because I have so much more knowledge and understanding about myself and the problems that I have. Please don't give up, I truly belive that things will start looking up very soon. We are here and rooting for you.Edited by: Hale

[Hale]

how are you feeling now?

[sparky2004]

Everyone has setbacks, but it doesn't mean that you are regressing. Re-evaluate your coping mechanisms. Maybe there is something that you weren't paying attention too.


A positive attitude is vital in fighting your fear and dealing with your anxiety.

[Hale]

please let us know hpw you are

[Jenneh]

hey ems i'm going to pounce on you as soon as u nex come online! lol... be warned [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]


your defenitely not being self obsessed... ur life revolves quite a lot around emetophobia right now, thats all. we're all like it, pretty much!


i'm doing very good thank you for asking. i am having the happiest days of my life ever atm... despite emetophobia still playing a HUGE part in my life... still too much hence why i'm waiting for CBT too.


talk to you soon anyway, and bless you.


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[ejb199]

Hey guys,

well i guess my week has been ok - back up to taking about 20mg of effexor now and have had no side effects so far. i have been feeling calmer so im pleased about that - am feeling much better and eating better aswell.

i have to go back to the docs tomoz and im still having probs finding CBT therapy - but ill ask her tomoz too for some more help...

hopes you are all ok too.

ems x