Stories of how we got Emetophobia

[Melikasa]

I wish I could say when mine started. I was afraid of being sick, seeing other people being sick so on since I was 18 months. When I told my mom a few months ago that there was a name for what I have been feeling all my life, she told me story of when I was at my nana's and I burped up my breakfast. She said I totally freaked out. It seemed to step from about there. When I was 3 I knew where all the bathrooms were and if I felt at all queasy (I felt it a lot it turned out that I had mono) I wouldn't go anywhere without a bag or bucket. The thing is I never got sick.


It got worse one year when my brother took me and his family to Oregon on a car trip. I was about 9 I discovered that there was something called being car sick. I had been fine in cars (sort of) but once I discovered this I was terrified to be a passenger. Fortunatly my sister in law had Gravol. (My introduction to this wonderful drug)


I use to go to school across the road will Middle school then I got a ride. I HATED IT but it wasn't too too far. THEN highschool came and I had to catch the bus. Then came the day I was terrified of the bus.


**GRAPHIC**


I climbed onto the bus and it smelled awful like someone opened a container of old rotten cheese and socks all the windows were open. THEN i realized what it was. someone had been sick....And was sick again half way there. I heard them. I was freaked and shaking. I fortunatly had a seat to myself in the front.


I always made sure that I was "accidently late" for the bus so my dad could take me. I got my license to drive and saved for a car as hard as I could and as soon as I truned 16I didnt have to take the bus.


i missed out on a lotI know but it didn't curb me from being in competitive synchronized swimming. I am a gold medal winner for western Canada. It is my one glory besides schooling I have. I never told anyone why I didn't like parties so I spent my days at home studying. Yeah I guess because of my EMET and claustrophobia I was a geek. I missed all the partys and after grad parties even. I never went to clubs or bars.


I moved to Vancouver and met a guy that was not at all what I needed. HE made my life worse and I hated the city. I because so bad I couldn't leave the apartment to go a block to the store. i would get almost 1/2 a block from home and have to turn around. I just got fat and miserable. It was him though that convinced me to go to the doctor. I was able to find a med for my claustrophobia, anxiety and agoraphobia. I never told anyone about being afraid of V**** because I thought I was the only one.


I met a guy through a friend of a friend and he was sooo wonderful. He had worked with my ex and so had the friend and he knew me I just didn't know him right away. I wish I would have met him first. He is my rock. We are married and have a baby. Imagine that. LOL I survived. I never wanted children. I didn't want to deal with them being sick or the morning sickness from having the baby. I did though. I think between this site and dealing with the care of my family AND being out of the city I am almost cured. I have bad days but most are good now.


Thanks anyone who read all this I blab a lot but I realize now that even if no one did I feel better having written it. BIG hugs to everyone.


[img]uploads/images/Melikasa/0508_008.jpg_resized.jpg[/img]Me and below my pride and joy[img]uploads/images/Melikasa/C27_0508_010.jpg[/img]

[siafi]

Looking back, I guess I've always been a little weird about v* - I felt sick a lot (probably from anxiety) andconstantly asked my mom to take my temperature. If it was normal I would instantly feel better, so I became sort of addicted to having my temperature taken! Even so, I wasn't afraid of v* back then. Instead, I was a bit obsessed with it; if a friend had been ill I would ask what her v* looked like, and I constantly drew pictures of people v*ing.


In kindergarten I had my first memorable encounter with v*. My teacher was reading a book while we all sat on the floor, and all of the sudden one girl put her hands over her mouth and started to v*. I don't remember feeling very panicked and I even looked at it and talked to other kids about it. That incident only furthered my preoccupation with v* - whenever I went to the bathroom I would fill my mouth with water, put my hands over my mouth and pretend to v* with the water spilling through my fingers.


After that day I started making plans in my head everywhere I went about what I would do if I had to v*. I always knew where the bathrooms and garbage cans were and I kept my shirt tucked in so that if all else failed, I could open up the collar and v* down my shirt. Anything was okay as long as no one would be able to see me.From about age eight to age ten, I had almost a constant feeling of nausea. I don't know exactly what it was but I'm assuming it was anxiety because I wasn't ever actually when I felt that way. I would leave class constantly to go to the bathroom, sit in one of the stalls, and look at the floortiles in a certain way that made me feel less sick, and then go back to class where the nauseous feeling would begin again.


All of this pretty much stopped for about a year until I experienced the most traumatic event of all. The summer before seventh grade, my brother had his birthday party at a local amusement park. He invited a bunch of his friends, and my two other brothers and I went as well. I was having a great time going on the wildest rides until I went on one that spins around and around and kind of pins you to the wall. Everything was going fine until one of my brother's friends said "this is the worst part," and then v*ed. He was about ten feet away from me and some of it splattered on my legs. I have a perfectly clear picture of that moment in my head, and it haunted me for over a year, playing over and over in my mind. I remember exactly what I was thinking; (in the first secondI thought he had filled his mouth up with coke or something and was just tricking us) I remember the exact expressions on the other people's faces on the ride; the smell, the way I turned my head - everything.


After I got off the ride, I was shaking uncontrollably and could hardly walk. I didn't know what to do -all I wanted to do was to get as far away as I could. But, my mom wouldn't let me. I think this was a big factor in why the whole thing was so traumatic - I wanted to just go home or at least sit in the car and be away from everything, but she made me wait there for three more hellish hours. I had to see the kid with the stain down the front of his shirt, going on more rides -"once you v* once, you won't do it again" he said. I think I was literally in shock. On the way home (finally) my mom stopped at Dairy Queen to buy ice cream for us, but I couldn't eat anything.


For the next two weeks, I don't think I atemuch more than a bit of water and some crackers. I had a summer camp coming up, which I had actually paid for myself, but I was so nervous about riding a bus with all thoseother kidswho might v* that I couldn't bring myself to go. Also, I could hardly get out of bed. When I did, I was so dizzy and nauseous that I was convinced I was sick, so I refused to eat anything. My clothes were falling off me and I could hardly stand. Finally, my mom brought me to the hospital and wheeled me to my doctor. She gave me some anti-nausea medicine, but it obviously didn't do an

[Jenneh]

oh my god [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] those stories just bring tears to my eyes.


i just wanna hug all of u here and give u all the words of comfort i can, because u are all just such amazing people, going thru so much.. so....


<<<<<hugs you all so tight>>>>>


and yeah, i think maybe telling my story may help a bit, because it does help in the way that it gets you to accept the way you are, which is what im doing at the moment.


from when i was very little, i always remember being un-naturally scared of being sick, i mean every kid is a little scared when they v* arent they? but i was always that kid who was even more scared than normal. i used to HAVE to go to the bathroom, in my primary school, every single day at 2:00 because i used to assume, if i did that, i wouldnt be sick.


i haven't really been exposed to any horrible situations with v* which i can blame this phobia on... for me, the phobia is mainly there because when i was little, my mother would treat me like iwas a disease when i was sick, and so now i think being sick is such a terrible thing and everyone hates you for it. but, now i know thats not the case and as my social worker says i have to drum it into my head that "when someone v*'s people feel sorry for them, they dont all turn up their nose and go "ewww""


when i moved house, and school, and area, all at the same time, it sparked my phobia off really bad. i was 11 years old at the time, and i would not go to school, ever, and this caused tension between me and my family, so i would get hit and numerous other things until it got so bad i just wanted to run away as i felt like i was really disappointing my family. but, i didnt get vvery far unforunately.


now that i think about it, my parents did think soemthingmust have been wrong, because they took me to the doc's to work out why 1.) i wasnt eating and 2.) i wouldnt go to school. but they didnt get very far. i was too scared to open up to them, plus i didnt even know wot was wrong with me!!


so, my life carried on for a couple of years, with me tryin my hardest to get away from socialising or going to school. i would tear my hands apart with my nails, and i actually have 2 disfigured finger nails now because i put so much pressure on them when i felt sick.


but anyway, to cut a long story short, i eventually got a hold of my phobia, and stopped it from controlling my life as much. i was about 13, i could now go to school, but i stil couldnt socialise. but then, i found out this "thing" had a name. and that made me worse, because i assumed that i was out of control and that my life is nothing with this phobia around.


however, now, i know its not the case. i hav been to see a psychiatrist, but he didnt even konw what the phobia was, so he was a waste of time, but im currently seeing a social worker, who is great, and im slowly but surely walking (and the pace is getting faster) down th road of recovery.


but, because i left this phobia for so long, i now also have OCD, social phobia, anorexia (altho, iv almost completely got myself out of that), and as some of u probaly kno by now, i have symptons of paranoid schizophrenia. im 16 years old, and still havent had a life yet.


HOWEVER, i guess what i wanna say is, YOU CAN GET OVER THIS PHOBIA. everyone can. as long as you believe YOU are in control. and i urge anyone and everyone to get help as soon as possible, before ur phobia manifests into a loada other thigns like mine has.


thers a tonne more things that i could write for you lot, because i know u are the only people who would understand, but hey, i wont bore you.


thankyou everyone here for combining together to be the biggest and best family of emetophobes, ever. love you all to bits.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jenneh]

sorry to post late..


but, i dont know wot has helped me siafi: wish i cud put my finger on it, cos then maybe it wud help others.


but i guess, i just took a long hard look at life, and realised tht i do DESERVE to be here, and i do DESERVE to have a good life, not a bad one. this made my self esteem rise a little, which made me feel i had more control with my life. this lack of control was what sparked my phobia off, so now that i feel i have this control back, its calming the phobia down.


altho, sadly, it hasnt copmeltley gone. im stil having rare panic attacks and worries. but, if im in a car travwlling somewhere and that emet voice wil say "what if ur sick now" i can say back "who cares?". to me, thats a HUGE achievement.


Jen xxxxxxxx

[trickyvicky]

Well i have just read these post and they have brought so many different emotions,I've cried,got alot of inspirations from people story's and situations and courage to carry on!!!!...


Well my story is, i only really had a problem as in thephobia took over my life,3yrs ago.I was working for British Airways as a supervisor and had a lot of pressure with passangers aswell as staff,and i was due to take some holiday so thats what i did,i had a week off and remember travelling to bristol to go to Ikea....I had a terrible pannic attack while i was in there and i had, had these feelings for a long time but didn't know what they were!!!! when i got back thats when my life fell apart i became tired,depressed,angry and constantley pannick all the time,so i trotted off to my doctor and he said that i needed to go on anti-depressents....I tried the tablets the next day, and i spent the whole day in bed worrying that i was going to be sick and the feeling was just so over whelming.As u can probably understand i was worried about being sick because of the side affects of the tablets....After that day everything became so obssesive.....In the End i had 6mths off work,but instead of getting better i was just worrying the whole time as i had a morgage and needed to work to pay for it.....So i forced myself to go back to work and pretended that i felt better....But i wasn't!!!!! I returned to work witha new boss and she made my life hell,she stuck me back in uniform and on shift on my own of an evening with no other staff.....And as some people will know Airports are not the sort of place to be on your own with drunk passangers......Of course i couldn't cope and they sacked me in the end.........Well as this had been my life for the past 5yrs and i loved that job i was devastated.....I lost all my confidence and noticed i didn't even want to go out as the aniexty was getting worse again.Loads of different things happened,my boyfriend and i split up,i fell out with brother and i felt suicidal!!!!! I tried to pick myself up after the new year and tried to get a new job but my aniexty was taking over my life and i was scared of having a pannic attack in front of anyone ,as i've always worked in customer services this was difficult.....I found a job as a receptionist working for a chiropractors for 3mths and i loved to work again and my life looked like it was improving but once again i couldn't handle things and left.....


I was in town one day with my mum in the most warmest shop ever no air con and this wave came over me so quick....i got hot and sweaty,nauseaous and felt like i was going to faint.i dropped the basket and ran out and told mum i wasn't feeling well,i just wanted to run as far away as possible,it felt like ages for my mum to come out the shop and when she did i just drove home so fast,shaking and feeling like i was going to lose control.........That was the downside for me as i became agrophobic.......I didn't want to leave home i was pannicking all day for no reason i lost nearly 2 stone,didn't want to eat and that was 2yrs now.....I've seen many different therapist,social workers,Community nurses and nobody seems to help.....they just shout at me or tell me to pull myself together..........I've lost my mum through all this as we just argue about my problems and how she gets frustrated that she can't help me!!!! And i cry as i write this as my mum is my rock, i really miss her,but i know i need to do this on my own.....She's my friend and my dear mum and i miss her soooooooooo much!!!!!!! but things became so bad and i came across this website don't ask me how i did but it's been the best thing for me so far......I gathered some confidence to take some anti-depressents that someone had recommended on here and that theydid'nt have the side affects of vomitting or nausea....I've been on them for 7weeks now and they have helped in many ways,even thou i don't have any family support or friends(except u lot) i don't feel sad or cry as much,i have been getting out each day eve

[clairethebear]

I can't really recall a trigger for my emet at all. I have had it for as long as I can remember and I am almost 30 years old. My emet has certainly changed over the years and I would say that it is at its ultimate worst at the moment. It has changed over the last few months to the point where I just cannot deal with it anymore. I can honestly say that emet is ruining my life and it makes me feel so unhappy and sad inside. Non-emets don't really understand as I am sure you guys know only too well and it is hard to talk about it with people. I almost feel ashamed of this phobia. Why should I? I don't really have an answer for that. I wish I knew what had suddenly made my emet so much worse lately. Yeh sure I have come across V incidents but I guess for me it feels like I come across them more than ever now. As the phobia gets worse the V incidents get more frequent. When I was younger I would go for months on end without seeing any V and would tell myself that I was due a sighting. I used to be able to predict when I was going to see V and do you know what I was always right. I used to have this very powerful emotion telling me not to go to a certain place on a particular day that I had planned to because V was going to be a part of that day and it always was. I don't get that now really but I am constantly on edge wondering when I am next going to see V.


I find myself scouring pavements for yards ahead and when I am driving I am looking on either side of the road and pavement to check that there is no V. This is crazy as I could quite easily crash my car but I have to do it. I have to know so I can avoid it. I cannot bear to be near anyone who is being sick but I can just about stand someone telling me that they feel a bit funny, but only people who really know me well cause they know about my phobia and would therefore never ever V in front of me unless it was totally unavoidable. I haven't ever seen anyone V actually. I have just seen V and I think if asked I could name every place that I had seen V over the years. It is like I have an inbuilt V diary in my head.


I wonder guys whether visiting this website every day and reading stuff about V is making my phobia worse for me cause I am perhaps dwelling on it so much. Don't get me wrong it is fantastic to talk to other people with the same problem but maybe for me this is just not helping. I just don't know. Things are happening to me lately that are just crazy. I am almost starting to develop panic attacks and am telling myself that I feel sick all the time and that if I cough I will be sick. I developed a nasty cough about 5 weeks ago and have only just got rid of it but it came back again on Friday and I was coughing so much I was almost heaving. I was out with a work colleague at the time and she does not know about my emet. I started to get very panicky and just wanted to get back to the office so that I could get some water and be near my waste paper bin by the side of my desk. I had to eat my lunch slowly because I was convinced that I felt sick and that if I coughed just once more that would be it. I just got very very scared and panicky. What I am trying to say is that stuff like that I would not have even thought about a few years ago. I would not have even thought about associating a cough with V. I am booked in for a hypnotherapy assessment on Tuesday as I cannot go on any longer like this. If it weren't for the fact that I had a mortgage and bills to pay I do believe that I could become a recluse or agoraphobic. I often find it hard to leave the house because I cannot stand to think that I might see V. Where we live there are two pubs closeby and our road is a walk way between two pubs and late at night yobs come walking down the road shouting and acting all drunk. I find myself lying in bed completely on edge conv

[rhinoseri]

*copies and pastes from old topic*





Newbie










Group: Newbie


Joined: 25May2004

Location: United States


Posts: 22


It started when I was about five or so, for some reason, I dont know
why- I constantly felt sick. Like I was going to throw up. Anyhow, this
went on for the later part of my kindergarden year, and seemed to get
worse. In the beginning, I remember feeling sick on occasion during the
night, progressing to every night, and then pretty much all the time.
But it got worse and worse till sometime in early summer, when I
finally threw up. In the few days previous to that, I was afraid to
eat, use the bathroom, and I tilted my head onto my left shoulder all
the time. But after that I have always been emetophobic. I think it has
gotten worse as time moved on, because now when someone gets sick-
Well, the last time it was my brother at a hotel, I sat outside in the
bushes till about Midnight when my parents made me come inside, where I
hid on one side of the bed shaking all night (since it was in the
hotel, my brother and I had to share a bed) In the ten hour car ride
home the next day I hid beneath all the suitcases we had...





But yeah, I have some pretty weird habits that must be related to this,
one is that I will never eat what my fingers have tounched, like, If i
eat a fry or something, the very end I'll just not eat at all. I'll
also eat everything with a fork- never fingers.





When someone get's sick, I'll cover my ears, close my eyes, start
breathing funny, whimpering (because if I scream... I'll really be in
for it with my dad), and walking in circles. But when I feel sick
myself I do weird things like look for patterns and count very small
things, which usually will hold me off for a couple of hours.





Anyways, I hate being emetophobic, I have been for seven years. Evilness indeed.





*adds on more*

Emetophobia has changed for me over the last seven years, I don't know
if I could know what times it has been better or worse, but at some
times, I am generally scared all the time, but at other times, worried
less, but have worse panic attacks from time to time. Since about
March, or so, I've been worried less, but having worse panic attacks.
The last time I threw up, when I was ten, I remember not being as
scared as I would be if someone else was throwing up. I had never
actually seen anyone throw up, until this past October, when my brother
did, and I didn't have any warning, or time to close my eyes and cover
my ears. All the times I have ever gotten sick, I have closed my eyes.



But yeah, I have never really had any motivation to cure myself, and my
parents would most likely laugh if I ever asked to see a therapist or
anything, because I've asked if there was any cure for this, when I was
younger, and they said that I would only get better if I threw up
myself. They have more than once tried to convince me to take that
medicine that makes you throw up, especially after I have had panic
attacks. I suppose I'll wait until I'm 17, and go off to college,
before I go to therapy....

[Melikasa]

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Rhinoceri I hope that there will be a way for you to find ehlp before you are too much older. My parents didn't realize that what i had was something real, "I" didn't know that what I had was something real. I thought I was some kind of freak with something that no one would understand.


My mom always told me to "Just let it go" or "just let it happen" She even wanted me to stick my finger down my throat once when I had accidently take like 8 ASA instead of VitCand I refused. It is a condition that is really hard to understand for those that have never heard of it or don't suffer from it.


I hope that even being here and talking to people like Sage will help you out. I have neverbeen able to afford a therapist and have been able to help myself through reading, studying on here, and positive thinking when I can.


There is a book that helped me called "Overcoming Panick Dissorder" by Weinstock, Gilman. Even any books you can find at your library may help you can show your mom and dad and talk to them. Maybe then once they see you can work on getting to a therapist/specialist that can help you. </TD></TR>
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[confused]

For a long time now I've wanted to write out my story, so here it is:


**May be GRAPHIC at points**


For as long as I can remember I have hated and feared vomiting. When ever I got a stomach bug I would try to hold it in as long as I could until my body would override my fighting and I would get sick. When I was really little when ever I saw someone else get sick, I would get sick too. My mom also told me that I used to complain of tummy aches at a really young age. I don't remember when I first developed my fear but I do remember when my stomach troubles first began.


When I was in second grade, I started to feel sick all the time. I became lactose intolerant, and was losing weight. I was so skinny that you could count my ribs. My parents took me to the doctor and when she was unable to find out what was wrong with me, they dragged me to a pedeatric gastroantenologist. He was an unsympethetic and scary to me. He gave me all sorts of scary tests, all of which turned up as me being normal. After he suggested the scarest of tests (the lower GI) my parents said no, and took me to another specialist. That doctor was nice, and said I probably had some type of bad bacteria in my intestines. He put me on a perscription and about a week later after I got much sicker, I was much much better. I gained weight until I was a healthy weight, and was able to handle dairy again.


Occasionally I would have a run in with someone getting sick in school, I would go to the nurse and go home crying, but other than that I was able to handle life, and my parents just thought I had an unusual fear of vomit.


Well things were going ok, until I hit sixth grade. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the first day of school and I had the scarest teacher in the whole school. This boy had a migraine and went to the nurse, she sent him back to class and he got sick on the floor. So on the second day I felt so sick (Now I know it was anxiety) that I left school half way through the day. Meanwhile my mom had just been diagnosed with MS, and was in the hospital, seeing my mom not well made me so afraid, that I never wanted to leave her or my home. I basically fought with my mom everyday to not go to school. After a few weeks of me crying about school, I finally got switched into another class. but even that didn't help, I felt sick all the time (which was all anxiety) that I left school early or came late, on the days that I did go. I got a tutor (which made things worse because then I didn't want to go to school at all). and I was dropping weight rapidly, and so my parents took me to the nice specialist again. Well... this time I didn't think he was so nice, he took the approach of 'well we don't know what's wrong, so let's try this' which just scared me even more. I was put on all sorts of different medications for my stomach and all the scary tests began again.


I remember the worst test they ever gave me was the endoscopy. they sedated me and put a tiny camera down my throat into my stomach. after I woke up I got sick all over my self. It was two days before thanksgiving,a week or sobefore my 12th birthday, that was the last time I got sick for six years. They kept me in the hospital and ran more tests on me, yet besides being lactose intolerant again, they couldn't find anything wrong with me. You could count my ribs agin. My mom started taking me to a homeopathic doctor, who in my opinion did absolutly nothing to help me. I lost all my friends, and I hated my life. Then one day I decided I had had enough. I started making myself go to school and act normal. I went from missing 80 or so days of school to only missing 3-5 in the last quarter of the year. I worked at making new friends, and once I got out of the sixth grade I began trying to forget all about it. I ha

[symphonicfaith]

I'm not quite sure what caused my emetophobia. I do remember a couple instances that may have caused it, but nothing extremely traumatic.


*May be graphic*
When I was in 1st grade, at the time I believe our desks were arranged in a circle, with everyone facing one another. Some kid across the circle vomited all over his desk and books. At this time, I didn't really think much of it. I remember that the teacher had everyone turn their desks around so we weren't facing it, and I didn't understand why I had to, because it didn't bother me. Then eventually the janitor came in and cleaned up while we continued having class.


In 4th grade, we were taking ISTEP tests, had just finished a big section, and were about ready to go to art class, when the girl sitting next to me vomited on the floor. I reacted in a way that has now become the norm, by turning around, covering my ears, shutting my eyes, holding my breath, and panicking. We all eventually lined up and went to art class, during which I was shaking and just wanted to cry. I said to someone "I'm afraid to go back into the classroom" to which they responded demeaningly "Why?" I never knew why, I just figuredI must've been weird. Then, once we got back to class, there was that big wet spot on the carpet, and when we put our desks back in their regular arrangement, one of my desk legs touched the wet spot [img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]


Before the incident in 4th grade, I had never ever reacted like that to vomit. That was the very first time, and was seemingly unprovoked. I've recently thought that the 1st grade incident was possibly a trigger for my emetophobia... because the teacher was treating us like it should've bothered us, but it didn't bother me, so maybe I remembered that and decided there must've been something disturbing about it. Also, I knew that my dad didn't like vomit; he'd leave the room any time someone was sick. I suppose this also could've triggered it. *sigh* I really don't care what caused it anymore, I just want it to go away!! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]


&lt;Zachary&gt;

[EstherB]

Wow. It's been amazing and inspirational to read everyone's stories. I don't really know what caused my emet, I can just tell you what I remember.


I know that as a young child, I didn't fear v*ing - in fact, like someone else here wrote, I had a sort of fixation with it. I remember my sister being sick in a bowl once and me asking my dad to show me, which he did. I remember reading and rereading all the passages in my books where a character would v*, and I remember saying I felt sick and trying to make myself sick in school to get attention. That seems very strange to me now! I also remember pretty much every occasion where I was sick, and several occasions where schoolmates or family were sick. These occasions are clearer and more defined in my memory than almost any other childhood memories I have. I have no idea why that is.


I don't think that I was especially anxious as a very young child, but my earliest memories of anxiety come at about the age of 7. I became terrified of burglars after seeing an advert on TV about making sure to lock your door, and I also suffered from nightmares. I remember one week having the same nightmare every night. It was about a fire which was spreading up our street, through all the houses and would reach ours soon. It absolutely terrified me. We did have a fire in our house when I was very young, about three (a different house though, we moved when I was 4). It wasn't a huge fire, I don't think - a chip fan had set alight, but my mum, sister and I had to get out of the house and t he fire brigade had to come. I don't remember that incident with any emotion at all, but I guess it could be what caused the later nightmares. I'd also get very frightened and panicky at night when I heard noises.


The next thing I remember was having a really bad cold and it making me feel sick. My mum gave me an orange, and for some reason I felt better. That night, I felt sick again, and called and called, crying, for my mum to bring me an orange to make it go away, but she didn't come.


I do remember that my mum was quite negative about v*ing, and was quite protective my my food being cooked properly. I remember being at a friend's house when this friend threw up. When I returned home and told my mum, I remember her saying, 'oh great, that's all we need...'. I pretty much remember every incidence relating to v*ing in my childhood.


When I was eight, my parents took me out of mainstream school and formed a Christian school with some other parents. There were only 12 children, and one of them, a boy called David, bullied me quite badly. I remember it as a very unhappy year, and it had disastrous social consequences for me. My best friend, Laura, had obviously found other friends in my absence, and I was extremely upset that she now had another friend who she spent more time with than me. I also found it very difficult to fit back in with the other children at mainstream school, I think because I'd lost a lot of confidence over the past year away. Again, I remember those school years between 8 and 11 as very unhappy. Thinsg at home were not great either - the story with my parents is long and complicated, but basically their marriage was never a happy one, and I think I picked up on and responded to my dad's unhappiness from quite an early age. We had lost a lot of money, and I had to give up ballet lessons for a while, meaning that when I went back, I had got behind and there was a new teacher who shouted at me for getting things wrong, so that in the end, I left. All of this contributed to my lack of confidence and insecurity.


The first time I remember being afraid of v*ing was not about myself but about my mum. She gets migraines, and we were staying with friends when she got one in the car on the way back from a concert. I remember being terrified that she would be sick in the car - I don't know why. When we got home, myself and the other kids were sent to bed, but I couldn't sleep as I knew she was downstairs with dad and our friends' mother, and tha

[x hannah x]

Ok, my story probably isn't too long since I've only been alive for 13 years but here go's!***MAY BE GRAPHIC***
Okay , I think that I have had Emet literally from birth sincewhen I was born there was some complication and Igot kind ofstuck, so of course being a baby I got kind of distressed and (Ewwww) pooed myself! But since I was all twisted I ended up swallowing some of it and came into the world v*ing green poo! What a great start to life! Then I spent the first few hours of my life doing more of the same and according to my mum, screaming my head off! I didn't stop screaming until I got home three days later. It's funny because I've always hated hospitals.
After that it only got worse, I was progressingpretty normally up until about the age of 7, there wasthis horrible gang in my class at school who bullied me quite badly. Theypushed me over andcalled me names like spaz and four eyes just because I wore glasses.I think it was then that my anxiety started bigtime, It started to make mefeel ill all the time and I used to go to the office and call my mum and cry and say "I don't want to be sick,I'll die!" which I know think is strange because I fear others v*ing far more than I do myself.At one point I had donethis about 4 days in a row and my mum stopped letting me come home, that increased my anxiety because I felt that there wasn't any escape.
In the time that I was being bullied I did a good job of hiding it, by saying that I had fallen over and stuff.Until I was in year 4 and came home from school with a black eye and no explanation as to how it got there and mum took me out ofthat school for good.
When I was in my next schoolmy anxiety levels greatly decreased and I was really happy, and had two best friends which was something I had never had before. Until one day when we had a big assembly, I was bored and wasn't paying any attention to what the head was saying, so I didn't know it was his special leaving assembly, at one point he stopped talking to aska boy in the front row why he was crying the boy replied "I feel sick" and v*ed all over the floor. There was an instant uproar and everyone started saying "Ewww!" and backing away and I couldn't understandwhy. Then we all had to file out and the boy was carried awaycrying" That was the lastday of term and when I came back after the summer holidays and the old head had been replaced, I was sure it was because the boy had been sick on his shoes.
After that my emet was fully established, Iwas absolutely terrified of anyone who said they felt ill and would avoid them for days at a time, it didn't help that there was a boy in my class who used to v* at will and used to do it to scare me.I've lost track of the number of break and lunchtimes I spentcrying in the girls loo and praying he wouldn't find me.This continued on into mysecondary school where once again I was bullied and moved away.
When I went to my present school I relaxed a bit because it's a girls school and in my experience girls have seemed to have more control over themselves than boys on that score. But I still can't watch any films where I think someone might besick and ill members of the family know to stay away from me because I completely panic.
Thanks if you read this far! I just read it back an

[Galadriel]

Man, your guys's stories are all so touching. Geez, just reading some of the absolute hell you went thro. You are all the bravest people I know. Really you are, its really hard when things are overshadowed by a phobia.


I belive Ive pretty much had this phobia ever since I could remember. I know it kinda reached a peak when I was in 3rd grade and 9 years old. I caught this awful stomach bug and spent the whole day in the nurses office feeling so rotten. I came home and that night was sick like all night, and I know it lasted a whole week (hell week) and I dont remember much of it but I do remember feeling really alone at night. Just the feelings of that made it something scary and something to fear. I got better from the bug, but it had its deeper effects on me that just made things really hard. Whenever I got a stomach ache I was scared to death Id be sick like that again, and I remember bein basically one scared anxious mess of a kid a lot of the time. Funny thing is I dont remember a lot. I do remember getting a stomach ache (anxiety, they pretty much all were I belive) and sittin in the nurses office all day, and at the end of the daydad came and got me, and he said "don't ever do this again". So I learnedvery well how to hide it and conceal it. No one wanted to hear about my stomach aches. I do also remember like askin just about every day "do you think Im gonna be sick?" and all I needed to hear was a "no" and then I could go on with my day. Of course visiting people or spending the night anywhere was hard for me, and that in itself was a battle. I never let on though, I was good at hiding the fear. Geez its hard cause its disjointed, I dont remember much. I do remember also i would pace and panick good if I felt sick, and geez it just all was misreable. I felt like my childhood was overshadowed by fear and anxiety. I also remember my family ridiculing me and basically being no help whatsoever.


Things took a dramatic turn when at 19 years old (ironically 10 years later) I was pretty durn sick with a stomach bug (July of 2002), and for the first time, I realized "this is what I was so afraid of for 10 years?" I actually laughed!! (I know it sounds insane) but it was something. After that, the pacing stopped, and I seemed to drop some of the more deeper erm, coping mechanisms such as pacing and the just downright total fear. I got sick again in Feb 2003, and I was amazed at how well i handled it. I freaked a bit when I first realized it was real, but as I got feeling worse, oddly enough I just accepted it, and was ok with it, and I didnt do any of my coping mechanisms really. I was sick yet again just this last Feb (2004), and to be honest I think (for me personally, we are all differnt) it helps me to keep it in my head thatI CAN be sick and its not so bad. Of course Ive only ever been sick at home, and its still there some, and I still do have inital panic when I get scared that I will be sick, so yes it is still there, but more managable now. It helped to not have my dad or anyone home, cause i could just do what I needed to do without fear of ridicule, I was VERY thankful for that the first time (July 2002), and second time (Feb 2003) but this last time dad was there, and he made me feel pretty bad for it. Some people, sheesh. Well, this place has helped me so much, and you all feel like family to me. Your stories are very touching, because I see myself in them.

[punkitti7]

**graphic**i cant remember exactly when it started but i was really young. i had a dream that my uncle threw up on me and ever since then i have been terrified of him and vomit.

in preschool i dont remember anyone actually throwing up but i do remember hiding under my blanket at nap time shivering because i had heard someone say a kid wasnt feeling good. then time seemed to slow down and i just wanted to dissapear into the middle of the earth. kidnergarten was no better. in fact i would say it was pretty much hell for about a year straight. i think almost every day someone got sick and i would always be crying for my mom to come get me. one day my pricipal took me in her office and tried to explain to me what happends when someone throws up by drawing a picture and then retracting the track that the vomit takes out of your body. a little pen scribble on paper isnt going to do jack.
i remember one day particularly, a kid named chris was being forced (it seemed like) to take his medication for some reason. well it was during nap time and he was wailing and screaming that he wanted his mom and i could hear him gagging on his pill and throwing up whatever he had swallowed previously. i just hid under my blanket again and silently cried and wet myself. i was terrified and just wanted to die. but i didnt know what i was so scared of.

my mom had informed me earlier on this year that they had a therapist talk to me when i was in 1st grade to try and figure out what was wrong. my mom had obviously noticed that i didnt handle throw-up too well. well he didnt do much and it didnt work so yea back to square one. i swear every year at least once a kid threw up in the vicinity of where i was standing. i think its like cats and they sense your fear so they always manage to make it near you. or im just more observant about it than others. each time someone got sick i would feel panic and want to run and cover my ears. i think i managed to use the bathroom around 50 times my whole 12 years in school. i avoided them at all costs becasue i came into a bathroom once and saw a pile of vomit in the sink that no one had bothered to wash away. i managed to avoid most of the bathrooms as much as i could but that one i never went into again.

things were ok through-out middle school and in high school my fear came back with a vengance. i began getting invited to parties and then making excuses on why i couldnt go. my mom was too strict, or i was tired and was going to bed early. i tried explaining that i was afraid of throw up to people but most of them thought it was wierd so i just started making up easier to understand excuses. i never went to a single party in high school, but i did go to the dances. i tried college for a semester but that didnt work out because a grown adult threw up in my class on the second day (and my birthday). i finished the class and never went back. thats when my agoraphobia started. (oh did i mention both my mom and my grandma have agoraphobia?) i began becoming afraid to go anywhere where there was too many people. if i could smell the person next to me, i had to go home. i avoided amusement parks, parties, going anywhere near water or a boat, and flying in an airplane. when i finally did get on an airplane a kid two seats ahead of me threw up and i began to cry hysterically and covered my ears. my mom did the best she could to console me but i just wanted to get out of the plane.

when it comes to myself getting sick i have no problem what-so-ever. i HATE feeling nauseous more than anything else so i would rather throw up to feel better. i get sick on boats and dramamene doesnt work. that just comes up also. i can also handle animals throwing up be watching people on tv freaks me out too.

since i found out there was a name for something i thought i was the only one with it, ive been so happy. kwoing that some day i can be cured and enjoy everything ive always wanted to enjoy. i hope others will find this site an

[chibi]

Sad thing is, I dont have an answer for either of those questions. ive
had it as long as I can remember, even when I was so tiny in school, I
remember shaking and running away when someone was ill. Recently after
therapy I suddenly realized when I was little, one or two particular
incidents I was sick, I remember apologizing profusely to my parents
over and over, although they really werent put out by me being sick or
anything. Especially the one and only time in my life I was sick on the
floor because my mom was in the restroom, I apologized like CRAZY and
cried and cried... but that's all I know. My actual panic attacks, I
think started when I moved here at age 10 with my parents. In my first
school downstate, everyone was friends and I never had any enemies or
people calling me names. When I moved up here, everyone was snotty and
mean, and they just completely tore me apart. Id come home crying every
day, and at night Id wake up, sit bolt upright on the couch shaking and
sweating, and my mom would stare at me, both of us terrified and not
knowing what was happening to me. I felt sick. She told me if I felt
sick not to fight it. But I wasnt sick, I was simply panicking. We went
to the doctor several times. If the IDIOTS had figured it out like they
should have (lets see, waking up at night, shaking and sweating..) I
may have been able to get treatment as a child and gotten over this.
But no, they tested me for blood sugar, it came out fine, and they said
I DUNNO and sent us home. From about age 12 to age 16 the panic was
rare and I was never sick. But in 9th grade I got a stomach bug and
after that my panic skyrocketed to what it still is today. Ive been
sick probably 3-4 times since then due to norwalk and coming off panic
meds too fast, as well as panicking myself too badly until I was sick
from it. And I am of course not cured
yet. I wonder if I ever will be.
Edited by: chibi

[crazybeautiful]

Hannah, that is too weird about your birth story! The same thing happened to me when I was born, theres a crazy medical name for it, but I can't remember it! I also (ew!!) swallowed some poop as I was being born. They had to take me away from my mom and dad and send me to the childrens hospital!!


WEIRD! I've never heard of anyone ever having that!!!

[tufui]

I'm 28. I've been emet since I was about eight or nine. Before that I was ok. I remember being pretty happy as a small kid and then the emet started. Looking back and having had many different shrinks and counsellors, I've come to the conclusion that it's tied up with my dad. He got very ill when I was nine - he had a heart attack. And that's when it all started.


I don't remember any particular vomit related incident. I don't remember if i vomited when he was ill. I have a lot of memory blanks actually after dad got ill. Two years later he had another heart attack and a year after that he had a double heart bypass. My fears got worse.


The only times they've receded completely was when I took a lot of drugs. I used to take speed which would keep all my anxieties at bay as long as I was on it. and of course make them 10 times as bad when I wasn't on it. Anyway then I had a breakdown, became agorpahobic when I was 19. Had a year of cognitive therapy and started to get my life together. Emet still dogged me.


Then when I was 24 my dad died. My beloved, best friend in the world. He was everything and more to me and he died. His heart just stopped. But, of course, he spent the last two days of HIS LIFE vomiting. But if anything my fear receded because I just didn't care about anything except that he was dead. Then two days after he died i got appendicitis. NOt the best thing to have for an emet.


I ended up going into hospital straight from his funeral to have my appendix out. All through the appendicitis I didn't actually vomit although I came the closest that I have in years and years.


The last time I actually vomited I was five, so 23 years and counting. But a few months afterwards emet came back. And back and back and back. I'm not back on anti-depressants which help with the anxiety and meto when I feel absolutely dreadful. I also eat Tums for breakfast. Literally.


I also got pregnant a couple of years ago and had an abortion. I still didn't vomit. I'm due to see a psychologist in a few months and i;m going to try so hard to get this beaten. I don't know if I can, but I have to try, it stops me enjoying pretty much anything that involves leaving teh safety of my flat. Sometimes I even retreat into the bedroom cos it feels safer than my lounge. Despite all of this i'm a journalist with a full time, stressy job and maintain some kind of social life, although it's mostly on my terms.


I live with my boyfriend of six years but i've never told him about this. One time I tried to as we were at a huge gig when I started to freak out. I tried to explain to him but in the end gave up. It's not worth it.


Anyway, that's enough for now. Sorry if any of you have actually trawled through this. !

[Melikasa]

Welcome to the site. Thank you for shaoring your story. I think it is a GREAT idea that you are seeking out the help you need. I do think that you need to stay on the antidepressants regularly and not just take them when you are down. If you keep up with them AND see a professional I think you will find that things will get better.
the support is is wonderful and I have found that just writing down the triumphs and tribulations have helped.
There are many people on here that understand what you are going through and some that have even gone through the same thing.
I use to eat tums and crackers for breakfast too (it's kind of funny now because I get a picture in my head of me sitting down with a bowl full of Tums) My bedroommy safe haven and at one point I refused to leave the house. I couldn't make it 1/2 a block to the corner store.
Things DO get better, maybe slow, but it does get better. BIG HUGS.
Once you are comfortable again it may be a good idea to talk this over with your b/f. I think you will find that having the support of a loved one can help a lot especially if you are having a down day/week/month.
It isn't easy and I had a hard time telling my husband he had an idea about my agoraphobia but things got easier once I told him. He doesn't understand it but he tries and that is what counts.
Anyways I am blathering now. Once again welcome

[bethie_bear]

I dont know when my fear of sick started but I only found out last week while I was in hospital it was actually a phobia. Ever since I can remember I have been scared of vomit. When I was a little my sister and three brothers were all car sick due to that I was scared to get into the car and if they did be sick I was screaming and crying! My family dont understand what its like and moan at me wen I get scared! When I was little I used to have to look at all four corners of my room 10 times before going to sleep incase I would be sick during the night. Im only 17 and still havent been able to enjoy things like everybody else I wont go on rides at the fair or at theme parks I get scared to go into cars and dread going to sleep!

[Melikasa]

awww I am sorry that you have this. You will have lots of people to talk to. I am still scared of cars unless I am driving. Even then if it isn't my husband I am scared the passengers will be sick.
I remember having this when I was your age but I had no name to go with it and no one to talk to. Untill a year ago I thought I was the only one and I am 25.
My mom would get mad when one of the kids got sick because I would run away instead of helping her out.
My parents got mad because they figured I was ashamed to go out with them because I didn't want to go out. The Emet as well as the society ideal of what a woman should look like, turned me into anorexic.
Don't feel bad if you are missing out on things now, Especially if it isn't something that you long to do.
Take it one step at a time and with help here and help from your doctor you can get through this. Everyone here will pull together to help. There is a great page that Sage has written up for those to give to parents, guardians, friends, doctors and/or family. It will explain about Emet and how it is a legitimate phobia that needs support, sometimes meds and time to get over.
Welcome I hope you enjoy the site and find any help we can provide.

[nat10]

i think this all started when i was about 5. remember being at school and not bein allowed in sick room cos i was in there every day, they would have to phone my mum saying how pale i was and as soon as she came to get me i was fine again! for a while i thought my mum could make me better, she used to sit up all night with me while i was pacing up and down shaking violently, sipping water and grasping my bucket! i needed her constant reassurence that i was going to be ok!


i used to write down everything i had eaten or done in the day that i thought could make me ill so if i was i would know what had caused it, i did this every day for about a year, i would also have to do things throughout the day in a certain reutien as i thought if i broke it i would be ill! i even blinked at the clock a certain amount of times and switched light on and off a certain amount as i thought it would prevent sickness!


i saw a councillor when i got really bad at the age of 12 she just put it down to my parents splitting up and feeling insecure, i also saw one again at 16 which didnt help.


it stopped me from doing everything when i was young like staying away and eating what i wanted. i am so paranoid about food poisoning and catching bugs that i dont eat anything that could make me ill and i stay away from anyone who has been ill. when someone i work with is ill i panic for the rest of the week that i will get it! i also compulsively wash my hands!


i now have a one year old boy who i am so worried will be effected by this as if he is ill i just cant cope and have to let my boyfriend sort him out, i feel so selfish. i was fine during pregnancy, i think it was because i had something really important inside me and i was the only one who could deal with it. emet was still with me though as in labour i wouldnt have any pain relief, not even gas and air as i thought it could make me sick! a few months after i had him i hit rock bottom, had massive panic attacks every day for a few months and lost 2 stone. doc gave me anti depressants but the side effect was nausea so i didnt take them! i take anti sickness tablets instead!


im slowely getting better but it does keep coming back and i know it can strike at any time! i drink alot of alcohol now as i find it stops me careing about whether i will be sick or not, until i have too much! i know its not the right thing to do but it helps! im just so worried that my son will pick things up from me, i feel so selfish, i wish i was stronger!


all your stories are so inspireing, i hope one day i will be cured! xxxxxx

[buttercup]

Well, after reading all your stories it seems almost redundant to write mine, but it will do me good if no one else, so here goes. Please ignore my horrible spelling!! Also, may be GRAPHIC.


I don't know if this was a trigger necessarily, but I can remember like yesterday the day that this phobia began to plague me. I was five years old and I was at my grandma's house. I ate a whole bunch of that popcorn from the tin. Then I went to the mall with my mom and was startingto feel really bad. I guessI had never been sick before that, atleastnot that I could remember, because I thought when I felt the v* comming that my throat hurt. I told my mom and when I opened my mouth for her to look inmy throat I barfed popcorn all over the floor in the Sears hardware department. It was horrible! I felt so bad, and so embarrassed.I still to this day cannot look at a tin of popcorn and will not allow my husbandto pop it in the house, and for a long timeI was terrified to go into Sears andIrefused to wear the shoes thatI had on that day, even though I had just gotten them and they were my favorite. I remember my mom being really mad about that. I startedthinking all the time thatI wasgoing to throw up. My mom bought me a new toy that day to make me feel better, but afterthat day Iwouldn't play with it anymore becauseeverytime I looked atit I felt sick. I usedto try to hide it, butjust knowing it was there drove me crazy. I refusedto eat for a long time and I missed a lot of school. My mom took me for a blood test and they gave me a big green lollypop afterwards. I still hate lollypops.


Ever since then, I have been terrified. As I have mentioned on some of my posts, my younger sister has always been a big source of fear for me. She would always cough before she threw up, so whenever she would cough I would be on edge (she had allergies and coughed a lot). I remember shaking and crying and covering my head with pillows all night long when she was sick. I remember when we would go on trips I would sleep on the floor in the hotel room because I was too afraid to sleep in the same bed with her. I was afraid to be in the car with her, afraid to be in restaurants with her, and I constantly asked her if she was feeling okay to the point that I used to drive her insane. I just couldn't help myself, if I asked her and she said she was fine, I didn't beleive her and had to ask again, if she said she wasn't fine I was terrified.


When I was about 10 my family went on a car trip and I got a stomach bug there that I beleive I caught from a Mc Donalds on the way there. After that I was terrified of vacations and would go into histerics every time my mom mentioned we were going on one. She would get so mad at me. I also would never go inside a fast food resaurant when we were traveling. I'm sure my parents thought I was nuts. They would make fun of me a lot for my "quirks". They are not mean people, but I guess they just didn't get it. We don't talk about it anymore, I guess they assumed I grew out of it.


When I was in fifth grade I added a fear of diahriah to my list. This is becuase whenever I would have it I would think I had a bug and was going to throw up. When I would get to school my stomach would be so nervous that I would have diahriah almost every morning, then panic and go to the office for my mom to pick me up. This, again, did not exactly thrill her. As an adult I took Immoduim almost every day. I still keep it on hand, but hardly ever use it, I pretty much have this under control now, although I still get scared when I get it, and I still avoid going in public restrooms at all cost.


I caught another stomach bug when I was thirteen, the day after going t

[rachael_1988]

My ‘emet’ story
may be graphic and also i don't bother using the **s i just write the full word... just warnin u!
Although I haven’t contributed in any way to this website previously, I feel it my duty to share my story of recovery from emetophobia and stir hope into the emetophobics who visit this site. My message is simply this: there is always a path to overcoming a phobia; it just depends on how long it takes you to find your path. I am writing this only a few short hours after I lay awake on the sofa at 3am listening to my aunt vomiting upstairs and thinking ‘ wow, I don’t even feel slightly nauseous or anxious, what a long way I’ve come’. i have suffered with emet 4 maybe all of my life and am just startin 2 recover aged 15 now. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]
My phobia began in early childhood, for as long as I can remember, even from being very young; I have always had a strong disliking to vomit in some way. It is almost certain that emetophobia sprang from my mother, as she to suffered from emetophobia, although not in the extremity as me. It is a proven fact that young children, when faced with a new situation, look to their parents on how to deal with it, and so the way parents react to situations is passed down to their children.
I think the major event which started emetophobia was a day in the supermarket. I remember vividly that I was at a young age, perhaps three or four years, and my mother and I were at the checkout in ASDA, about 50 meters away there was a young boy being sick and I was just staring at him. My mother became annoyed at me because she was agitated and I was holding the queue up. She snapped at me and told me to look away. I think this was the first time I had witnessed someone vomiting in public and needed my mother’s guidance as to how to react in this situation; I followed her example of increased anxiety. And so this memory has shaped how I react to someone vomiting in public.
At home, if someone were ill, it would always be my father who dealt with him or her, though strangely, my younger brother and myself would always approach my mother if we felt sick. I cannot remember the actual act of vomiting, only the events which happen shortly before and after the act. It would be interesting to know whether other people actually remember the actual ‘act’ see below for contact details.
My emetophobia got dramatically worse as I hit the age of roughly eleven, after a particularly bad experience. I was in carol service at school and the whole school was present. Two rows behind me in the middle of ‘O come all ye faithful’, Catherine, in my year group, vomited splendidly. I could smell, hear, see and taste in the air everything. I was almost hysterical. I was white, shaking uncontrollab

[mbs730]

Okay
there are parts in this that might be a bit graphic and I am also going
to use the whole word, not v or n or whatever. I have told this story
on other posts but not this detailed...



It all started on my 4th birthday. My grandparents came up for my
birthday and my grandfather who had a heart condition had without
meaning to left one of his heart pills on the table. So when I looked
at it I thought it was a piece of candy. So me being an inquisative 4
year old I took it and ate it but but was surprised that it wasnt candy
because it tasted so bitter. So I told my mother that I had eaten
something on the table that looked like candy but it tasted very bad.
So knew it was my grandfather's pill and immediately took me to the
washroom. She was 5 months pregnant with my brother at the time and was
overly stressed due to other family problems happening. So she started
sticking her fingers down my throat but nothing worked because I just
kept on biting her fingers LOL. Then she called the hospital or
something and told her what had happened and they told her to bring me
in. When I was there, they gave me this horrible tasting stuff (syrup
of ipecac- what else?) and I threw up to the point where I was dry
heaving. So since then I have never wanted to throw up again. My
brother used to vomit constantly as a child and my mother thought I was
being rediculous everytime I would run away or panic if he was sick.
She even called me self centered and stuff, and I even saw him sick
many times, which more than freaked me out. I have also felt sick many
times since the ipecac incident but conquered the sick feeling (it
always ended up turning into diarrhea) until one night when I was 13.
It was around 11 pm in late November 1988 and I felt horribly sick. I
did what I could to fight the feeling and not to mention as expected I
was feeling horribly anxious. However I knew I was going to fail this
time. I started retching and felt some of it in the back of my throat
and I knew I had to run to the bathroom and made sure I was leaning
over the toilet but kept my eyes closed. When I was done I flushed
several times to make sure ALL of it went down and was afraid to open
my eyes but I knew I had to, but when I did I was happy to see that
there were no spillages or whatever lol. The funny thing is after
vomiting that time, I immediately said and remember saying "wow,
that was not as bad as I had made it out to be" and I also felt 100%
better but 2 minutes later I became my same old emetophobic self again.
I was afraid to go to sleep because of possibly throwing up again even
though I felt okay. Then not too long after that I became friends
with this girl who was extremely prone to vomiting but never did it
around me until one time in June 1989 we went to an amusement park and
some other girls tagged along. We were about to go on one of those
spinny rides (never was afraid because never experienced motion
sickness and surprisingly never feared going anywhere due to the
possibility of someone vomiting, probably because I never really saw it
happen as a child) so she kept on saying over and over again in line
that she thought she was going to throw up. I was very nervous and
wanted to sit next to the other girl. And MAN it was a GREAT thing that
I did sit next to the other girl. Because my friend did vomit in the
cart and I felt really bad for the girl sitting next to her. Everyone
was helping her out except for me, I ran away as far as I possibly
could and she was crying like a baby about how embarassed she was and
immediately lashed into me about why I wasnt there to help. I made some
snide comment to her and that shut her up quickly but I was shaking
like a leaf the whole time. I guess this is how my emet really is. I DO
NOT fear myself being sick in public places like many emetophobics do.
I am NOT afraid to eat, in fact I love to eat, I am one of the few
emets around that ha

[wing]

..alot of experiences i read are really..bad and mine cant compare to theirs but maybe i should write mine. No one has to read it. They can just skip over it and stuff ehehe..


Lets see...I thinkI was about 8-9 years oldwhen i became really scared of "it". But i do really always remember being uncomfortable with it well asfar as my memories can go. When i was 5 years old i remember alwaysfeeling bad after lunch but i never said anything. [I didnt like to tell people when i was feeling sick or anything my parents would just have tofigure it out.]I dont know why but one day at parent-teacher conferencesmy mom called me over to where she and the teacher was and they told me "when you feel sick you just come and tell the teacher." I didnt say anything just nodded shyly and walked away again.


Oh so a few days later i think since i always felt bad at after lunch and they told me to come to them when i felt sick i did. i went up to the teacher's desk and said "i dont feel well" I remember i was really nervous and stuff because this was the first time i said i didnt feel well to anyone outside my family. I didnt really like admitting that i felt bad so when she asked me "what's bothering you? your head or your stomach?". I remember that so clearly. Thoughts ran through my head of what to say. I couldnt tell her that it was my stomach but in the end i just said "...my head". She wrote that down. They called my mom to pick me up but my parents werent home. I remember feeling better later on and forgetting about it.


I remember once again when i was 4-5 years old i remember complaining to mom and dad that my stomach hurt and for a few days i stayed home. I remember once they made me go to school and when my dad got there i was crying. i didnt want to go. I was afraid. For awhile i refused and then finally someone came out and asked me what was wrong. i said that my tummy hurt and they asked me if i needed to go to the bathroom. i said no. They tried to pursuade me but i still refused. I dont remember though how they got my back to school...


Oh well when i was six all those feelings went away and i was able to enjoy school. It didnt bother me much when someone was sick at school during that year but next year when i was in second grade, i remember this boy saying that he felt sick. That bothered me most of the day. I avoided him. Then finally when we were going to be dismissed he got sick in the hall way. When we got in line to go downstairs i still avoided him. The teacher put him as the last person on the line and i was too one of the last people. I was still scared so i ran as fast as i could down the stairs away from him. i remember avoiding him for a long time and whenever i see him it still reminds me.


Well..Lets see..I remember being sick when i was 7 after a day of eating lots and lots and lots of suger *shudders* That next day was sick two times. I was so uncomfortable that day because my relatives had come over. I remember refusing to be sick unless i was with my favorite cousin. I even took a chair away from my other relatives and sat behind him. Ever since then my sweets intake was greatly lessened.


Another time i got carsick and i refused to be sick yet again until my dad's friend was out of the car. That time my mom took me into my dad's workplace to get me cleaned up and i was so embarassed. I was tempted to say my sister was sick instead.


I think i was 8 years old when i was last sick and at that time i went through the whole day until evening when i told my mom i felt sick. Well i didnt exactly tell her because i dont think i ever did that. I always hinted like clamping my mouth shut and moaning. My mom gets the hint so i dont think i ever said thev word before in my life.


Well those maybe might have been signs because when i was in the 4th grade, that was when i was fully aware i was afraid of getting sick. I remember that almost every lunch time i would fidget. Of course i would still eat but i would

[youngemet222]

Okay. I'd like to say that I haven't had that many vomit experiences in my life. But, I'll share them since they cause Emetophobia (of course).


THESE MIGHT BE GRAPHIC!!!!------------------------------------------------- ---
Also, I use the full words instead of *v*, or whatever-------------------------





Okay. So, when I was a baby, on Thanksgiving, I kept on vomiting a few times and I had a stomach virus, but I do not remember it, so it didn't cause the Emetophobia.


The next time I remembered having an experience was when I must have had food poisoning or virus. If I remember correctly, I did it like maybe 2 or 3 times. It must have been a mild virus or poisoning. The first time in that illness, I did "it" late at night, I think. Second was in the vehicle. This was when I was 3 or 4. Now, this might have helped bring the Emet on, but I do not remember getting scared, so I do not think this was the occasion.


Now, the time I'm about to descibe was the one that started it. So, I'm eight years old, and it was the week before I started 3rd grade. I felt something in my stomach, but didn't know it was nausea. I thought I just had to eat or something (I was a stupid little kid). So, on the way home from day care, my mother picked up food. I remember sitting in the car feeling horrible.I tried to eat the food, but I couldn't. So, I got up to go number two, and after that, I had a feeling in my throat. I drank some water, and withen a minute, it all came up, into the sink. (Sorry if this is disturbing you) Okay, so I went back to bed and fell asleep and then woke up suddenly and did it again. The last time in that illness was the next day. I shared with a girl at the day care that I had vomited 2 times the night before. She had done the same. So, I rested and then the day care person served food. I ate. Bad idea. So, I was like, "I'm going to do it!", and the day care person told me to go into the bathroom. I did do it. It was a mess. The day after that, I was so afraid that I was going to do it again and had to be picked up by my mother and we went to get some anti-nausea stuff. It seemed to work.


Oh yeah. A year or so before that illness, I had an experience. I was 7 or something and I had food poisoning or a virus. I had diarrhea and horrible cramps for a few days and on the last day of the illness, I felt horrible and guess what? Yep, just as you might have expected. I did it at my parent's work place, the post office, and my dad told me to keep a bag by my face as I went home. I didn't vomit again.


So, after the experience of that when I was eight, I had one where another person did it in class. He was not feeling well all day and I think I even sat BY HIM at an assembly when he was feeling sick. So, we were learning about history, I think, when he started doing it. I am glad I wasn't at the same table as he was. So, we had to continue history, while sitting outside, waiting for the janitor to clean it up. She used disinfectant. Yay!!! I aoided the spot where he did it for a little while. This was in 4th grade.


Okay, again, in fourth grade, this same boy did it again, right outside the cafeteria, when we were almost about to get our food. I was standing near him, too. I didn't panic that much. He came back the last day and was fine.

[cherryblossom28]

Hi my name is Laura. Im 19 and I attend Bard College in NY. Nice to meet everyone


Here is my story...


I don't know how it all started but I know i never liked v*ing. I think a contributing factor was that my mom was never there for me when i was sick, and never believed that I really was ever sick. Her mom is an hypochondriac, and so she resents sick people or never believes them when they are sick.


I remember times when i was little and i was sick and my mumums (who has the hypochondria) would get "the pan" which was a plastic bin for us (my little brother and I)to V* into. I always freaked out whenever she brought it out. ANother time i remember V* into a washcloth on the couch. Sometimes I can't get that image ( or others) out of my head. I remember another time V* all over the stairs. But these were before it got worse.


I remember when i was maybe 8 or 9 that i felt nauseous, and i was sitting at the bottom of the stairs crying hysterically becasue iw as afraid i would V*. She screamed at me to grow up and then finally ignored me.


My grandmother always took care of me when my mother rejected me. Whenever i felt sick.. which was often, Id go sleep in her bed. USually, i'd feel better in the morning. But one time i woke up and walked out of her room, sat on the stairs and then V* all over them, even though iw as a foot or so from the bathroom. I refused to go to the toilet becasue it made it seem too real, like i was really V*, if that makes any sense. I remember after that thinking, wow it really wasn't that bad.... but then when i felt nauseous a few hours later,i wasfreaking out all over again.... It's like i can't escape...


then there was the times people V*d around me. One night my brother woke me up saying he felt sick... he was small, maybe 3 or 4.. I yelled at him to get out of my room and he went downstairs and I heard him v*...I couldn't get the sound out of my head.. i was traumatized...


In second grade, this girl felt sick all day but my teacher woulnt let her go to the nurse. She V*d all over the floor right as the bell rang, dismissing us from school. I just remember being so scared i was going to get it from her. and feeling sick (anxiety) when I got home. I also remember feeling so angry at my teacher for not letting her go down to the nurse and exposing me to it.


In 6th grade, my grade went on a trip for 3 days. Lo and Behold, a stomach virus went around like wild fire. I thought i was in hell. I tried to avoid everyone as much as i could. But the news always got to me, about who got it, where they V*d...I was terrified. My bunk mother got it too, but luckilyshe only had the runs, but i was still scared to death i would catch it from her.


WHen I was in 8th grade, I went to use the bathroom during lunch. I had just finishe dup and was walking out of the stall when a girl ran in w/ her hands over her mouth, throwing up. I ran out as fast as i could, shaking uncontrollably, feeling nauseous and crying. I was so afraid I would catch it from her.. (Notice a pattern?) I found out who it was and had their brother in my class w/ me the next period. I avoided him like the plague.


It was in 8th grade that I started having panic attacks every day due to the phobia. At one point I wouldnt leave the house, but luckily that only lasted for 3 months. In school i always felt (and still do) the most vunerable, because there are so many people all around you with so many germs.


In 12th grade there was an awful stomach virus going around. only a few people got it, but it sent them to the hospital due to dehydration. One of the girls was in my french class. I remember freaking out and praying every night that I wouldnt get it.


One of my worst experiences by far was with my little sister. I remember one time she was only a baby, and she had the stomach virus, and kept throwing up, but my mom kept feeding her (to prevent her from dehydrating) I was there when she had just stopped eating,

[terified girl]

As I sit here and read these stories, it scares me very much.


I can't remember all that much honestly.


I know that I've been afraid all my life because anybody who's known me since I was a baby can say that I always complained about tummy aches.


When I was 3/4 I was staying with friends of my mom because she went on vacation and I v* while I was with them, they told me because I didn't remember that at all.


maybe I was 5/6, my aunt came to visit and I remember we were unstairs at my grandparents and we were eating some olives and bread and other little things and I ate the black olives. During the night I woke up to my stomach hurting and went to see my mom, I ended up v*ing in her room, and 1 foot away from the toilet, I always believed that it was those damned olives, maybe it was, maybe I hadn't had enough time to digest them, who knows.


Then I guess when I was about 9/10, I can't recall much but I went for a pee and v*ed all over my pants and underpants, pretty funny actually, but I remember it was quick and painless.


Now this is the one I have trouble forgetting because it happened 3 days before my dad passed away. He was diagnosed with lung cancer at the beginning of February 2000. I guess my brother was really really scared and he started reading up on homeopathy and was trying to find ways to cure my dad, he swore that if he did cure him, he would become a homeopathic doctor. He started reading up on me and my troubles with my heartburn and upset stomaches. He read that peppermint drops cured heartburn if taken before the meal, and these little white balls called Noxvomica were for upset stomaches. So Thursday February 24, I tried the peppermint drops and later on I was sleeping over at my dad's because he was coming home from the hospital the next day.


I complained to my bro that my tummy hurt and ordered me to take 3 pills (Nox.), after a while I still wasn't feeling well so he told me to take another 3. Well lets say I was up all night not feeling well, I had d* and came close to v* but lied down quickly to avoid it. I woke my bro up and he said I was fine. Never did I sleep. Next morning at 8:00 am I v*ed in my sis's room and as I went to the washroom to get some kleenex I v*ed again, luckily I was over the toilet.


My brother, in all his excitement, forgot to continue reading where it stated clearly that peppermint drops were not to be mixed with Noxvomica pills....


Oops my brother poisoned me!!!!!


I am confused as to why I was born with this fear because I believe I was born with it, especially since this started at an early age.


I hope one day to find an answer.....


I have noticed a pattern in my life....


When I first started panicking from fear, it lasted about 4 years straight....When I met my bf I thought he cured me because for a year I was completely panic free, had minor ones once in a blue, then all of a sudden they came back, and they were just as horrible, they lasted about 7 mths, and since I've been getting better and better *knock on wood*, maybe they will get shorter and shorter until I will be panic free, I don't know but it's A theory, and I hope it comes true!


Sonia

[pink_flamingo]

I havent posted on this topic have I?





Well I have an Idea of how my emet got started.


As a child I had an ear infection just about every month and had to go to the doctor to get antibiotics. I had gotten a particularly painful ear infection and the doctor gave me codine along with the anti biotic. Well it turns out that I am extremely allergic to codine. It cuased me to V* all over for days and also resulted in my throat closing up so I couldnt breathe and had to be rushed to the doctor. I thought I was going to die. Pretty tramatic.


After that incedent I would always tell my mom i was feeling sick. She took me to see pocahantas in theaters and I had a panick atack there. After that incedent my mother was convinced something was wrong with me so she took me to the doctor. I had blood tests done and examinations but of course the doctor couldnt find anything wrong so i was sent home. After a few years my emet almost went away and I was a pretty normal kid. That is until 4th grade


I had been feeling sick all day but there was only a few minutes left of choir practice. then my stomach started to rumble, I went up to the teacher to tell her I was sick and she walked me out of class. On the way I started to V* and had to run to the bathroom. I made it to the toillet though.


From that point on I wouldnt go back to school. Everytime my mom would send me I would come home thinking I was going to be sick again. This continued for about a week and then my parents sat down to talk with me. When they asked why i was coming home each day I told them I was scared of getting sick again.


They didnt believe me, they told me they wanted the "real" reason I was scared of school. They finnaly decided that It was one of my friends that I was scared of and told me not to hang out with her anymore.


So thats how I got emet, 2 times O.O


sorry for all the typos :P I had to be quick about typing this up!Edited by: pink_flamingo

[luckistar2]

I don't really know where it all started but my friend recently asked my Dad where the fear came from and he told her that he thought it was from the time my Mom gave me syrup of epicac to throw up vitamins that I have eaten. I remember this very well. I took a bunch of chewable vitamins because they tasted good. I was about 5 years old and when my Mom found out she made me go to the neighbor's house (a doctor) and ask him what I should do and he gave me the syrup. I took it home and my Mom made me take some and sit in front of a trash can in the middle of the kitchen and throw up everything. I think that may have been it for me.


But there were also two separate times when my father was very sick (vomiting) and had to be taken to the hospital to get medication to make him stop. Both times my Mom was out of town and I was the only one at home with my Dad and he had to call my grandmother to take him to the hospital.


I think those incidents just cemented my fears.


Carly