blah....

[mystikal star]

I haven't posted here in what seems like forever. Wow. I used to post here like everyday.


Well it's summer so my phobia has tamed down ALOT. I can eat a small meal and immediately leave the house. I can eat in the late evenings now where in the winter I have a hard time eating past 6:00PM. This is great!


I start EMDR on August 4th with a psychologist. I'm a little nervous. I've had this phobia for so long and I'm somewhat scared of life without it. And to be perfectly honest, my reasons for wanting to live without this phobia aren't so my quality of life will be better. I can't tell anybody why I want it gone, but my reasoning is so scary and lame that it's almost making me want to refuse the EMDR.


And winter will be back. I honestly don't want to deal with another 6 months of hell that the cold seasons bring to me. I can't stand the constant handwashing, the counting of hours since I've last eaten, the going to bed hungry, starving myself all day long if I must leave the house, being petrified to eat out and counting 48 hours from the moment I finish eating out.


Well. I think that's all I wanted to say. I don't know what else to say other than this.


I hope everyone is okay. I'm not and I don't think I ever will be. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[chicajojobe]

You sound very discouraged and I'm sorry for it. Just remember that you
had a reason to want to start therapy when you originally decided to so
you that reason is just as relevent now as it was then.



As for how to deal with winter maybe find some sort of hobby or project
you can do this winter that will keep you a little bit busy so that
you'll have less time when your mind is unoccupied to think emet
thoughts. It doens't have to be anything that requires other people to
be around or you to leave your house if you don't want to. I'm sure if
you think about it you can come up with something that you may have
always wanted to do but never found time to?





I don't know about you but I know that for me going to bed hungry and
starving myself are the worse things I can do. Being horribly hungry
makes me feel more nausous and dizzy. Maybe if you keep with eating a
few small meals a day you'll feel better over all and therefor worry
about emet less.