Here's the backstory. Ever since I was a little boy, I've always loved buses and trains for some reason, so much so that I made it my childhood dream to become an operator.

I've spent a long time wasting my life working at Walmart because I really had no idea what to do with my life. Knowing it's hard to get in as a bus/subway operator, I decided to apply with my limited retail experience last year as a joke at the insistence of a friend in July 2012 and I was invited to an orientation meeting. Then I made it to a phone interview. Then I made it to an in-person interview. Then I was hired. Then I was finally given a start date for February 2013, nearly 8 months after the process began. I was absolutely ecstatic that my dream was coming true, I was going to be employed by Canada's largest transport company, with the only larger system being in New York City. This was a big deal, I was moving up from a $10000/year job to one that paid $60000/year. I couldnt mess up!

Then emetophobia reared its ugly head in. Why? Why? Why? About a month before I was to start training, I start developing symptoms of severe anxiety, I would wake up hours before I intended to, my resting heartrate would be up the wazoo racing all day, I would gag/dry-heave at the thought of nerves and I lost my appetite which led me to lose 15lbs rapidly.

Specifically, I began having fears about passengers v* on my bus. It is public transit, it is a given isn't it that someone somewhere will v* eventually right? I tried my best to encourage myself and face my fear of v*. I told myself "there are others with emetophobia working in even higher risk scenarios such as nurses, doctors and teachers and they handle it somehoe". It didn't work, negative thoughts kept nagging at me that "If someone v*, you're going to be trapped on that bus and you're going to be forced to hear it, smell it and see it. Even though I'll get to kick everyone off immediately, I'll be trapped on that vehicle with it because I have to take it back to the garage." I freaked! Normally, I'm not afraid of someone v* in public because I can run away and flee in a seconds pace, but when you're commanding a bus you have no choice but to endure it and be trapped on it.

So I'm just here to rant and be depressed that I quit training 3 days in and I've given up on my dream of ever commanding a subway train full of thousands of commuters. Driving a bus through the big bad city was fun though and much easier than I thought, too bad I'll never get to see a revenue passenger ever. Emetophobia ruin anyone elses dreams?