Stupid pukey woman needs a brain!!

[jennjt]

I have totally done crazy things in a panic. I'm the girl outside in the freezing cold with my shirt tucked up in my bra, flapping my hands. Eek. I have also ran a red light trying to get home and thrown an elbow or two trying to get out of a crowded room. Damn emet

[DeadxxInside92]

wow. Really?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on this website behave exactly how we emets fear other people will treat us should we, god forbid, vomit in public. I'm really beginning to think that we emets are the most hypocritical, judgmental, and least kind people on the planet... Not to mention we're very selfish and expect the whole world to revolve around our irrational fear instead of us trying to conform to the rational world.

Wow.

halle-fucking-luja

[KaydeeJayde]

Wow. Really?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on this website behave exactly how we emets fear other people will treat us should we, God forbid, vomit in public. I'm really beginning to think that we emets are the most hypocritical, judgmental, and least kind people on the planet... not to mention we're very selfish and expect the whole world to revolve around our IRRATIONAL fear instead of us trying to conform to the RATIONAL world.

Wow.

You honestly deserve a medal for this post, chris_alice

You too, JadeNight. I wonder the same thing sometimes. I mean, people vomiting scares me, but I'd never behave like this.

Mamafear, the only parts of this post that bothered me were that you mentioned stopping your son seeing this woman's kid and the title. I don't doubt that you're a fantastic mum, but even thinking about stopping them from being friends is extreme. It's not this kids fault that his mum vomited. I get that you were just ranting, and you wouldn't actually do it, but that struck a chord with me, I had friends taken away because of what their parents did (granted, these parents were abusing drugs so it was probably to protect me) and I hated it.
Also, the title. People aren't brainless because they vomit. I'd hate to think that someone thought I was stupid and needed a brain just because I got sick, even at someone else's house.
I hope you've managed to calm down a bit over this now

I also don't think that Lizzo was being rude OR insensitive. Like Michelle said, this is a public forum, even if you just posted a rant, you can't get mad at people for responding. Liz is a wonderful, helpful member of this forum and I doubt she'd ever do anything to be intentionally rude, she was merely giving you some perspective, and sometimes as emets, we need that.

[Grace47]

I would be mad if someone v*ed on my vegetable garden, too. I eat out of that garden. I also have a functional bathroom. I would wonder why when I had a functional bathroom and a yard, someone would v on my food - especially when they felt it coming. I don't think anyone likes their food v*ed on. To people who garden, v*ing in the garden is like coming to someone's house and v*ing in their fridge. The food is totally lost. The plants will probably die. It is upsetting to have something you've worked on, put your love in and time in only to have it destroyed. I would be upset if someone killed my plants no matter how they did it. I'm not that good of a gardener, and if I have something that is doing well, it means a lot to me. So I do understand your upsettness, Mamafear. Nobody likes having their stuff destroyed.

For people who don't garden, imagine someone coming to your home and destroying your favorite thing. Regardless of how it was done, you'd still be upset.

[chris_alice]

Reading all the responses, I really think this thread has turned into a good conversation about emetophobia as a whole - the good and the bad. I like that it isn't just another panic post with everyone responding that it's probably just anxiety or IBS lol. I'm guilty of doing that too!!

I am probably one of the most severe emetophobics in the world. And one of my worst fears about vomiting is it happening in public and being ridiculed or perceived as being gross and disgusting and unable to control myself. So when I hear some of my fellow emets saying the very things I'm afraid non-emets might say about ME, well that really scares me because that means I'm not safe with ANYBODY. Because if other emets who supposedly share the same debilitating fear as me can't be compassionate towards ANY person who has the misfortune of vomiting anywhere for any reason, well, what the hell can I hope to expect out there in the real world from normal non-emet people?? And that makes me feel doomed more than being exposed to a virus would make me feel doomed.

Í completely understand freaking out and being terrified and wanting to get away from a vomiting person but I will never understand being angry at someone for getting sick.

[KaydeeJayde]

I would be mad if someone v*ed on my vegetable garden, too. I eat out of that garden. I also have a functional bathroom. I would wonder why when I had a functional bathroom and a yard, someone would v on my food - especially when they felt it coming. I don't think anyone likes their food v*ed on. To people who garden, v*ing in the garden is like coming to someone's house and v*ing in their fridge. The food is totally lost. The plants will probably die. It is upsetting to have something you've worked on, put your love in and time in only to have it destroyed. I would be upset if someone killed my plants no matter how they did it. I'm not that good of a gardener, and if I have something that is doing well, it means a lot to me. So I do understand your upsettness, Mamafear. Nobody likes having their stuff destroyed.

For people who don't garden, imagine someone coming to your home and destroying your favorite thing. Regardless of how it was done, you'd still be upset.

This is going to sound really gross, but when someone vomited in my vegge garden, nothing was destroyed, things actually grew better. Fruit and veg can definitely be washed, but I do understand that it initially might suck.

[chris_alice]

I would be mad if someone v*ed on my vegetable garden, too. I eat out of that garden. I also have a functional bathroom. I would wonder why when I had a functional bathroom and a yard, someone would v on my food - especially when they felt it coming. I don't think anyone likes their food v*ed on. To people who garden, v*ing in the garden is like coming to someone's house and v*ing in their fridge. The food is totally lost. The plants will probably die. It is upsetting to have something you've worked on, put your love in and time in only to have it destroyed. I would be upset if someone killed my plants no matter how they did it. I'm not that good of a gardener, and if I have something that is doing well, it means a lot to me. So I do understand your upsettness, Mamafear. Nobody likes having their stuff destroyed.

For people who don't garden, imagine someone coming to your home and destroying your favorite thing. Regardless of how it was done, you'd still be upset.

I do garden, I love gardening, and I agree with everything you've said. But I have a feeling that if a person vomited in one of our fully functional bathrooms instead of in our vegetable garden, we'd bitch and complain that they contaminated the bathroom and possibly the entire house including the air quality because, truth be told, we don't want anyone vomiting anywhere anytime for any reason. Ever. Not just ourselves but everyone else. So it's our thinking that's wrong, not WHERE a person may or may not vomit.

[Grace47]

No one better v or pee or poop or do anything in my garden. It's my baby - leave it alone. Unless you want to help me weed. LOL! Of course, to get to my garden you have to walk all the way to back of the back yard. Plenty of opportunities to v before someone gets there. Herb leaves are so thin. Wouldn't it make them taste like v?

[KaydeeJayde]

Reading all the responses, I really think this thread has turned into a good conversation about emetophobia as a whole - the good and the bad. I like that it isn't just another panic post with everyone responding that it's probably just anxiety or IBS lol. I'm guilty of doing that too!!

I am probably one of the most severe emetophobics in the world. And one of my worst fears about vomiting is it happening in public and being ridiculed or perceived as being gross and disgusting and unable to control myself. So when I hear some of my fellow emets saying the very things I'm afraid non-emets might say about ME, well that really scares me because that means I'm not safe with ANYBODY. Because if other emets who supposedly share the same debilitating fear as me can't be compassionate towards ANY person who has the misfortune of vomiting anywhere for any reason, well, what the hell can I hope to expect out there in the real world from normal non-emet people?? And that makes me feel doomed more than being exposed to a virus would make me feel doomed.

Í completely understand freaking out and being terrified and wanting to get away from a vomiting person but I will never understand being angry at someone for getting sick.

Occasionally I do feel angry at someone for being sick. I'm afraid of other people being sick only, not myself. But I have so much control over whether or not I vomit and I think subconsciously I think other people should too, so when they vomit I get a bit annoyed. Then again, I'd never act on it, or tell anyone that I was angry with them. And then after I take a minute to think about it, I realise how silly I've been.

[Grace47]

Nope. You can v in my bathroom - especially in my toilet. That's the function of a bathroom. I may head in there with a gallon of bleach when you're through though. LOL!

[chris_alice]

Nope. You can v in my bathroom - especially in my toilet. That's the function of a bathroom. I may head in there with a gallon of bleach when you're through though. LOL!

LOL I'd probably bleach YOU too, just to be safe lol. Oh the crazy things we do!! If all emets stopped buying bleach, the bleach company would go bankrupt! I must have put a couple of the bleach executive's kids through college all by myself by now.

[Grace47]

Me, too! LOL! I have had people release bodily fluids in my home (not v thankfully) in places other than the bathroom and I was not a happy camper. As they were children, I didn't say anything and they came to my house again and left bodily fluids on the stairs, the living room, etc. Thank goodness I have a rug shampooer! Usually, if someone says they might v, I tell them to stay home and get some rest. In a sympathetic but firm voice of course. LOL!

[Mecca]

The comments on this thread are really interesting.

Firstly, Mamafear, I'd like to say that I think you handled yourself well. The title of the thread and wondering if your son should see her son again may have been over the top though.

Secondly, I agree with chris to an extent. I don't think that we should be treating others the way many of us are afraid of being treated should we become sick in public. That is very hypocritical, but by the same token I think there's more to it than that. According to Mamafear's original post, she's been very polite and helpful to this woman, and she's told her about her phobia. That part stuck out to me, especially since it takes many of us years to work up the courage to tell someone. That being said, the woman knew she wasn't feeling well prior to visiting Mamafear's house, and when the woman started gagging Mamafear was (in the midst of her nervousness) showing her where the bathroom was. So I don't think her feelings or her response are unfounded in any way.

Going a little off topic, there have been many times where people have made angry/disgusted faces at me for simply coughing or sneezing in a public place, and I always always always cover my mouth and nose. And it's not just me, it's always "eeeww you're sick" or "gross" or "go home" or something whenever someone coughs or sneezes. Why is it okay for those people to treat someone that way for coughing or sneezing, but its "irrational" for us to be angry/afraid when someone vomits in public? They both seem a little insensitive to me and I'd say that's a flaw in humanity not a flaw of the emetophobic mind.

[Mamafear]

Chris, the woman NEVER KNEW that I was upset. Fact: I have supported this woman both financially and emotionally never once letting her down, never asking anything in return. Fact: I confided in her that I had a severe fear of v which, when faced with, left me unable to eat, or sleep for days. Fact: she came to my home feeling severely nauseous, and stood in my kitchen talking, then heaving, then talking then heaving, I showed her the bathroom and said she could use it, yet she continued to gag talk even bending over in readiness, in the kitchen!. She then went to the deck, two feet away from open kitchen door, two full clothes racks full of drying washing, a paddling pool full of water and kids toys, and my little girl and puked into my potted basil and thyme. Fact: I hid my extreme distress and shaking hands as best I can, then making her some lemon water to take the taste away, then gave her my last few Ondansetron (even though my daughter just finished an sv) and when she rushed away to pick her daughter up, I hugged her goodbye. I then sat outside in the cold sobbing, shaking and terrified so that my child didn't see me panic. I then came inside (1-2 minutes after she left and began to write my post, and you are telling me that I am being unreasonable?? 1. She will never read those words, and 2. She didn't even know t I was falling apart because she continued talking afterward. Are you nuts??! Insult me if you wish, but DO NOT bring all Emets down, that's plain mean, you're a meanie. Period.

[Mamafear]

Chris, really? If she had nowhere else to vomit, and if she didn't stand there for a full minute or more heaving and burping after having the bathroom pointed out to her, then I would be ashamed. Buthere is 'my sin'; I hid my terror, and moreover, was kind and supportive. When she left, and in a very distressed state I wrote some words (never ever to be viewed by her. NOBODY hurt. I come to the only place I feel calm and although I fully respect your right to disagree, she knew I was in a very very bad place, and choosing to ignore the fact that I harmed nobody, decided to turn it into a lesson in morals. SOMEONE hurt, and even more distressed. Haters, you are being hypocrits, you're all telling me I shouldn't be making someone feel bad for accidently? V'g in my garden, I DIDN' T make anyone feel bad, YOU did!!. My friend, in fact is none the wiser. I guess some of us were brought up to 'keep the peace, respect peoples harmless decisions, and make the world a happier place, and others were taught to speak their mind if they feel like it.

*And Chris, you're wrong, if someone came to my home, became suddenly nauseous and used the bathroom to V, why in hell would you get angry at her???. For all of you who are angry at me for being frightened and writing some harmless words, lets just say someone turns up at your house in two days time, feeling so nauseated, that they stand in your living room gagging, burping, retching, then talking some more, nearly v'ing on your floor, after you show them your bathroom, then choosing to go onto your deck, two feet from your baby, and your washing and, at least a minute after knowing she was going to do it, Vs onto your herb garden. I know, when this happens to you, you will think and quite possibly act irrationally too. I hope you never have to feel the pain of being told off in the only place you go to for support, for writing a few words that offended some stranger who knows nothing about you.

[Mamafear]

To all who have posted here, thankyou for being a part of this lovely place, I guess it takes every kinda people.
Thanks so much to those who helped me through, I'm struggling to get my head above water lately, like alot of you. Our daughter seems better, now the countdown begins!. Xx

[chris_alice]

Mamafear, I DO understand how you were feeling and why you reacted the way you did. I said so in my very first response to you. I'm emetophobic too, remember? In fact, I am such an extreme emetophobe that the anxiety surrounding this fear caused me to have to go on disability because I became unable to function anymore. So I DO understand because I live your fear. But that doesn't mean that I, for a minute, believe in my RATIONAL mind that my emetophobic thoughts and behaviours are even in the same solar system as normal. They're not. If any part of my phobia was normal, it wouldn't be a phobia. It wouldn't be a disorder. And it would not have rendered me unable to cope and on disability.

Look, people are always going to do things that aren't right. Even gross and disgusting. I'm not saying what your friend did was right (her coming to your house already feeling sick and not going to the bathroom to vomit if she could make it there.) I'm not saying that at all. I'm also not saying that it was okay for her to vomit in your herb garden. I'm not saying you should be happy that she did any of those things. What I AM saying is that life happens, people disappoint, people get sick, germs are everywhere.... and unless we, the ones with the disorder, find a way to cope better, nothing will get better for us because overall WE are the problem, not the rest of the world. Any normal non-emet person wouldn't have been happy with someone vomiting in their garden, especially their herb garden. But they certainly wouldn't refer to their FRIEND as a stupid pukey woman who needs a brain. And they certainly wouldn't even for a second think of ending their child's friendship over such a thing.

Has it occurred to you that maybe the reason your friend didn't use the bathroom was that she WAS taking your phobia into consideration the best way she knew how, and that she didn't want to "contaminate" your living space? I don't know if this is true but it IS possible, is it not? Maybe she felt that doing outside - anywhere outside - would be better for you? Or maybe she was doing her best to NOT vomit at all anywhere in or out of your house. She did say, after vomiting, that she was hoping that wouldn't happen, right? You said so. So maybe, trying to be as considerate as a non-emet who probably doesn't really undersand emetophobia can be, she was doing everything she could to keep it in... until her body couldn't hold it anymore and so she aimed it towards the closest possible spot AWAY from your laundry and children's toys. I'm sure she didn't INTEND to vomit on your herbs. When it started coming up her throat, she didn't have time to notice herbs.

I don't ever want anyone vomiting in or around my home ever, for any reason, if at all possible. But should it happen, it would not be right of me to be angry and start examining every aspect of how it happened, where it happened, and what the person should have done differently. If I was a real friend, WHILE I WAS FREAKING OUT TERRIFIED, I would show my friend REAL compassion - the kind of compassion and care I'd hope someone would show me if it happened to me. And I would hope that the compassion was real, not fake. You keep saying that your friend will never know how you really felt. That your friend will never read the words on this post. Well, I'm sorry, but I think that's a real shitty thing for a so-called friend to do. If you were my friend, you doing/saying all this stuff here, behind my back, while ACTING all nice-nice to my face, would hurt me more than if you told me to my face that you were disgusted with me for having the nerve to vomit in your garden. I could respect your honesty if you actually told me the truth. It would hurt me, yes. But I would respect you. But saying you're a good friend because you helped her with money and that you were faking kindness to her when she got sick, really sucks. I'm sorry but it's true. REAL friends are not two-faced. REAL friends don't go through the motions of being kind while talking shit about you behind your back just because you'll never know it. You're not a real friend to this woman and you can't use your emetophobia as an excuse for being two-faced. I'm sorry. But that's how I see it. Does that mean that you should not have freaked out? Of course not. That's not what I'm saying. You're emetphobic, as I am, and of course you're going to flip out inside if someone vomits especially if you don't know WHY. They may be contagious. I get it! I really do. But being emetophobic does not give any of us the right to be two-faced to our friends and then claim that we're being a wonderful friend just because the friend will never know how we REALLY feel about them. That plain sucks.

You said I'm mean. No, I don't think so. I'm being truthful. The truth is not mean. It may be difficult to hear but it's not mean. But if you want to label me as a big meanie just because I won't coddle your (or my) emetophobia, and that while I COMPLETELY understand WHY you reacted the way you did, I vehemently disagree with how you're using your emetophobia to bad-mouth this person whom you call a friend... then okay, I'm the biggest meanie on the planet. But friends don't do that (what you're doing) to friends, emetophobic or not. If I'm wrong about this, then I guess I don't understand friendship.

[Denglish81]

I would have been extremely upset that someone who KNEW about my issue, came to my home an preceded to gag repeatedly until they chucked in my garden.
Mamafear, I am with u all the way.
If Mamafear had been in a public place, or at the other ladies house, or anywhere outside of her own home, then no she would have seemed insensitive. But this lady came over knowing she felt sick, and continued to the gag and yarp in her home. How is that ok?? That would make most people upset! The only one insensitive in this situation was her. If she was phobic of snakes, would it be alright for Her to bring one to her house?! No. This lady knew she could very well be ill, especially with the continuous gagging.
Mamafear, u have had ALOT going on lately it seems, and I understand the state of panic u must have been in at the time of post. U didn't hurt anyone's feelings, nor did you take the plunge and have ur son stop seeing her child (you actually posted quite quickly that you never would, that it was a panic comment) so I find a lot of these comments going against the very nature of this forum. To calm us while we panic.
If she had come here telling us that she had just beat the lady to a pulp, then that's a different story, but to call her down for running to us in a panic and venting to us, seems a little against the point. It's not coddling someone to help them calm down after an anxiety inducing event.

[Denglish81]

And ok chris, if that's ur way of determining a 'real' friend, then what does it make this lady? Showing up out of the blue, while sick because she wanted support? How about a telephone. This lady was not sensitive to mamafear's issues as much as ur makin it sound as if Mamafear wasn't. And that also makes u a shitty friend. Why are HER issues more important?
Im sorry, but maybe u are a perfect person, but I can guarantee that most if us are not. And I can think of far worse things that people can be doing than being nice to me so I don't feel bad for doing a DUMBASS thing, then running to their support in a panic. SHAME ON YOU Mamafear! (Eye roll)
That doesn't make u two faced, that makes u human. No emet excuses required.

[chris_alice]

Oh I'm far from perfect.

[JadeNight]

Denglish I think you're meaning to address mamafear not SDD

[Denglish81]

Oops, I cross referenced posts! Lol shouldn't log on when I first wake up lol. Thank u Jade!

[Sparklylikeaholiday]

I have to admit... I'd rather her just v on the deck floor where I could hose it away than in my potted basil. No matter how fertilizing it is to the plant, I would still never eat it after that. *shudder*

I totally understand that when you're about to v, it's difficult to think straight, on the fly... but if she was gagging at the table while talking, that probably would have been a good time to excuse herself to go to the restroom. I would have bleached the heck out of that bathroom after... but I don't eat out of the toilet like I do my basil container. LOL

[ballykissangel]

Mamafear, I too, am with you 100%. I think you handled the whole situation admirably! Far better than I would have. My first instinct would have been 1. to head for the nearest exit and vanish. or 2. Shove her out the door and bolt it behind her. You did neither. You were helpful and kind. The woman was very inconsiderate to go to your house in that condition especially in light of the fact that she is aware of your fear. She was not a poor innocent who just happened to be sick in public.

[Mamafear]

Chris, your arguement is empty at best, you are not thinking rationally if you sseriously consider your analysis correct. As Ballykissangel and Denglish put it perfectly. Chris, if I was a two faced bitch, this wouldn't be the FIRST time I've eve spoken ill of a friend. What a was,was comforting (not being fake) if I was being fake, I'd never have cared about her feelings enough (despite blind terror that she chose to do it mere feet away from my baby who, might I add, V'd two days later)to have hidden my extreme discomfort from her. THAT, given my distressed state, and her decision to keep talking, (she had plenty of time, PLENTY to do it away from my child, THAT makes me a good friend. You are not going to convince me that I am a bad person for sheltering her feelings. I would be very embarassed to make her feel worse as you suggested, by being honest with her. Sorry.

[Cynna]

IMO this is getting too much. Agree to disagree and move on. Everyone has valid points.

[Mamafear]

Thanks Cynna. Obviously we are all 100% committed and genuine friends to all our friends. The way that we are great friends is just different. I reacted the way that I have because it hurt alot to be treated (in the middle of a breakdown) as if I handled the situation badly, and was therefore a bad friend. I handled it well, I know that now. I definitely have trouble dealing with brash comments because I am not someone who is brash to others. I am, however, very lucky to be a Mama, a friend and a part of this lovely forum! :-)

[pemmie]

There's how we WISH we could react, and then there's how we ACTUALLY react instinctively. When my dog is afraid, she tries to bite - and i kind of feel like that's how humans are to a degree. I think i probably would have FELT the way that mamafear does and think many of the same things in the "HEAT" of the moment. In hindsight, I'd feel bad though and wish I didn't have this stupid fear - but i would STILL wish that my friend would have used her head - if she was feeling like she was maybe going to v*, why not just STAY HOME and call instead? isn't that what even a "normal" person would do? plenty of my non-emet friends stay home when they feel sick - that's NORMAL.

sorry to chime in. i know all these comments aren't really helpful anymore...

[Mamafear]

Pemmie, you actually raised a great point because I have spoken to some non-emet friends, Mums, only one of whom knows I'm emet. Every one of them says that they too would have been cross because to have visited anyone when feeling ill, (sv, or otherwise) is socially not done, because of the time she left between first gag and finale and because she did 'it' right next to my little one. Even non-emets recognise it was disrespectful on many counts. Yet, throughout, I chose to not put her through the added discomfort of feeling bad at having offended my irrational and demanding emet-ness. I'm sorry you feel so very upset at the way I handled it but I would much rather have spared her feelings at the time and fallen to pieces saying some crazy stuff afterward any day!

[chris_alice]

Okay mamafear, let's agree to disagree, alright? I have repeatedly said that I DO understand WHY you reacted the way you did, but that I don't agree with it. Clearly not myself nor anyone else will be able to get you to consider that maybe, just maybe, you could have handled the situation in a different way, a way that might actually help your emetophobia instead of defending your emetophobia. You are more interested in being right than being helped, so, okay, you win. If you think there's no room for improvement in your reaction and behaviour, then keep doing what you're doing and God bless you. I hope your friend is feeling much better by now.