Stupid pukey woman needs a brain!!

[Mamafear]

My 11 yr old son is bullied alot but has made a lovely friend, who is also bullied and so the friendship is a very nourishing one for both boys. I, therefore, have been making every effort to encourage it, including supporting the boys mother (husband just left her). Now before I go on, I need to explain that I've given up ALL social interaction outside of grocery shopping and dropping my daughter off at school. My world, like alot of you, has just immediate family in it, very rarely do people come to our house (aside for kids best friends who, fortunately, all happen to be 'only childrenp) otherwise our children tend to socialize more at school nearby, or at friends places, and I do everything in my power to keep it that way. Well as I said, I have been helping this woman through her break up (by phone and texting) and confessed to her that I am Emet. It has come up a few times, now and she even saw me fall apart when my daughter V at school gate on FridThis woman just showed up at my house out of the blue an hour ago to visit me (scary enough because she doesn't seem very clean as a person IYKWIM). in she came talking about how she'd been up all night with toothache and that she'd taken some panadol to stop the pain which has made her feel really sick, and as she was babbling itabout the school fete, she kept gagging, right there in my kitchen. I told her where the washroom is and I panicked and tried to lead her to her car but she kept talking, gagging, talking and then it happened, she suddenly moved out onto our deck, with plenty of time to have gone further away, and with my girls paddling pool with daughter and water toys to one side and two clothes racks filled with washing and all the childtens scooters and trikes (all within 2-4 feet), she leant over and V'd!! in my garden!! well, I went into panic immediately, she V'd while the kitchen door was open, daughters morning tea picnic basket on bench and our shoe basket next to the door. She said "sorry, I was hoping that wouldn't happen". I suggested that maybe she was a bit unwell, and she said, "gee, I hope not, the last thing she needed was 3 sick kids!". "Funny that“ I thought, "the last thing I needed was someone 'popping by and puking in my garden'. Grrrrr, I can't live like this, I'm already beside myself about anyone getting daughters bug. If only I didn't answer the door. I seriously nearly said some really bad stuff to her! If that's acceptable to her, I wonder how my son should be friends with her son?!?!! Aaah, I can't stop shaking, and don't know what to clean first! Sorry, that turned into a rant!

**Anyone reading this for the first time, I wrote this post in a blind panic about the incident and, although I wrote some ott stuff, I was simply venting. Like when we say "I would rather die", my comments were written in a deeply distressed state after hearing that there was a chance of it possibly being an sv, and V'ing 2 ft from my baby. Xx

[chris_alice]

While I TOTALLY understand how you feel and why you feel like you do, let's take a deep breath and put this in perspective. The woman had a toothache and took some strong painkiller which upset her stomach. So THAT is why she vomitied, not because of any stomach bug. You're not going to catch anything, neither are your children.

To her it wasn't a big deal because she's "normal" - she doesn't have emetophobia. Your reaction, my reaction, emetophobia is the problem. So to take what's probably the only true friend your son has away from him because his mom vomited in your garden is very extreme and would cause a lot of unnecessary psychological harm to your son. I know you don't want to do that.

It'happened in your garden - in the grass or bushes I assume? Nature will take care of it and it will become fertilizer. You don't even have to bother hosing it down if you don't want to. But please PLEASE do not take your son's friend away over this. From a mother to a mother - I KNOW you don't want to raise your child to become emetophobic.

[jennjt]

Oh no... I would have freaked out, too. I'm sure it was the pain Meds, but still... That's a tough one! Way to go for holding your tongue. I'm sure it's not contagious, and I'm sure your son will be fine playing with hers, but I get your fear and annoyance over it. One time, right before my husband and I moved into our old house, I took my best friend to show it to her. She was nursing a hangover and proceeded to v* all over my yard. It was so gross!

[lizzo]

I'm sorry, I'm shaking my head at this one. I know it was anxiety inducing for you but it's also really insensitive to treat her that way. The nerve of her to feel ill from pain medication and to get sick! Maybe she shouldn't have gone out if she was feeling sick and run into the bathroom instead of vomiting on the kitchen floor. You said it yourself, you've effectively isolated yourself from the outside world due to the fear. Are you going to let it get in the way of being kind and compassionate to your friends too? ... :/

[Mamafear]

Hey Chris, thanks for your post! It's the fact that she didn't take strong pain killer, she took panadol (paracetamol), which, incidently never upset her tum before and that she chose pot plants, (my wee basil and thyme plants, and right next to all the kids stuff and washing that had me worked up! The thing is, she stood there talk/gag/talking for at least a minute before choosing the garden for the finale!. I wouldn't stop thhe boys hanging out, that was a stupid, throw away comment. My boy is just too precious but it's a challenge!. The boy doesn't seem to wash as often as he could and comes smelling very strongly (mostly feet and b.o). Unfortunately his feet are often damp/sweaty which leaves the carpet wherever he walks, smelling strongly of feet. I've found a way around it, by handing my son a pair of socks when he comes home citing that it's a treat for your feet, as my son finds the feet hard to deal with too, so now I hand his friend some socks too. Now whenever he visits, he asks if I mind lending him some soft socks. The friendship will be one that lasts well into adulthood I think, and although the boys older brother is in trouble a lot, he, thankfully appears to be on the right track. ` You're so right about doing everything in our power to ensure Emet doesn't get passed down to our precious littles! Next to Emet, it's my biggest fear!;-)

[Mamafear]

Sorry, duplicate.

[lizzo]

I'm sorry you found that disrespectful and insensitive. It was never my intention to upset you. You're right, I don't know you so I can only base my assumptions on what you say and your immediate reaction to say bad things to her. We all make mistakes and I don't pretend to be a perfect person. I guess we have different opinions on friendship because I would never call a sick friend a "stupid pukey woman that needs a brain" and I would be incredibly hurt if a "friend" posted something like this about me.

[Mamafear]

Lizzo, I am one of the most committed parents and friends you'll ever met. Do what, Lizzo, what did I 'do' to het? Take her phonecalls in the middle of the night?, send her care pacckages, lend her money for kids birthday presents, or was it the fact that I fell to pieces internally, hiding mu shaking hands and panic from her so she doesn't feel bad. Perhaps you're meaning the fact that I gave her my last Ondansetron, some lemon water and a hug goodbye,, and called firdt thing this morning to check that she managed to get some sleeep. Lizzo, I go out of my way, each day to be sure that I am kind, sensitive and supportive to everyone who I come into contact with, not just friends. So in answer to your question, no, I have never ley anything get in the way of being a good friend. I think you are entitled to your opinions, and say what you want to me, but I reccommend exercising caution when being insensitive, as you sometimes are to others. All I did, Lizzo, was panic inside because a friend chose to V on my potted herbs in front of me instead of (as she had ample time to do) the toilet. I treated her with dignity, and then, after spending a great deal of time in tears, and struggling because she could well have had an sv and V'd rigjt outside my open kitchen door. I thenposted on here lettimg all the angst out, when she wouldn't have to see. I think if anyone was rude, it's you. I'm sorry I was so kind and understanding of your excuses to you the last time you were insensitive to a poster.

[Mamafear]

You'd never call a sick friend things on a support forum in a blind panic after just having been through a frightening experience, yet in a moment of complete clarity, you seem to want to keep bashing people, (who are all posting in a severely agitated and distressed state, however right or wrong) for behaving in a way that offended you. I am acctually scared to post! I don't want this negativity, I have never been as lost and frightened as I've been these last few years, and wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way by having a go at them on a forum that is likely to be their only support. I am a peaceful, extremely gentle and caring person who never in her life deigned to hurt anyone, however much they upset me, (which will be clear in how I treat others on the forum. I find it amazing that anyone would actually 'decide' to write/say anything unkind to anyone. You're right that we're different, I'd never hurt my friends OR enemies. I refuse to have any more to do with anger or disrespect.

[lizzo]

Again, Mamafear I think you're blowing what I said out of proportion. I never meant to deeply offend you and I am sorry if that's how you feel. You don't have to feel scared to post. I'm sorr, but I still stand by what I said. You don't need to justify to me why you're a good mother and a good friend because i'm sure you can be. I understand feeling anxious but I don't understand considering cutting off your son's contact with her children nor do I understanding calling a friend stupid and in need of a brain because she got sick.

If you believe this makes me insensitive and rude then so be it.

[daffodil]

Mamafear, I'm sorry that happened to you. You sound like you handled it very well, and were a good friend to her, even when your anxiety was through the roof. I took your post in the spirit it was intended, as a vent. You were upset and frustrated, and needed someplace to let it all out.

I hope you are able to relax, and you are feeling a bit better about the situation. How is your friend doing? Was it a one time occurrence?

[Mamafear]

What makes you insensitive and rude is the fact that you are insensitive and rude. As I said, Lizzo, say what you wish to me, I don't think that picking at people in the forum for posting stuff you've decided is wrong, despite the fact that they're (you know I'm not talking about me here) in crisis, and alone. When people come on here in crisis, being agressive or insensitive to them can do more damage than good. I just find it really sad to see people reaching out and getting lectured by someone who clearly doesn't care about their immediate welfare, just about making a moral point.

[lizzo]

Ok, that's fine. If you feel that hostile towards me there's no point in apologizing or trying to convince you otherwise. I wish you the best Mamafear.

[DeadxxInside92]

I don't think Liz was being insensitive in any way, shape or form. Some members just do not coddle here which is how it should be. She was calling you out because your behavior towards the situation was irrational. That being said, we have all been there but just because you do not agree with what someone says does not make that individual 'rude or insensitive'. I totally understand as well as respect your need to vent and you should never be afraid to post here. Anyways, Liz is a very helpful member and has contributed much to IES and would not mean any harm to anyone.

[Mamafear]

I know that you don't want to harm anyone but you say I was rude to have postef something in a blind panic that this person will never ever read. The support she, and anyone I have anything to do with, get from me is insurmountable. What do you think the world would be like if we all chose to behave that way. Most people do their best to be supportive and kind, and if the s@#t hits the fan, never, ever vent at that person, go elsewhere and get it all out, go back to the person and nobody gets hurt. She didn't feel hurt or even know I was upset, I hugged her goodbye!!!! I did nothing wrong yet you bring me to task for handling it AWAY from!

[Simm]

Hi Mamafear,

I'm sorry that you had to go through such a terrifying experience. It's only natural to have such 'irrational' and 'extreme' thoughts when you're in such a blind panic and for what it's worth in my opinion it certainly doesn't make you any less of a mother or a friend. We're all entitled to vent and I think some members here have interpreted what you said without taking into consideration the fact that you were just 'letting stuff out' and not making any serious propositions.

I'm not looking to pick any fights or start any arguments with anyone here, but I do think this whole issue has been blown out of proportion, perhaps Mamafear and lizzo could just draw a line under this and we could all get along? After all we're all here because we have the same issues, why should we be fighting about it?

[Mamafear]

You have a right to your opinion as I said. I am very, very broken right now, as many of us are, I was not far off desperate measures when I found this forum. If you see me as someone I don't like, I can't change that. My little girl just vomited again, just when she seemed back to normal. I am sinkingso fast I don't know what to do. I guess being told I did a useless job as a friend when I thought I handled it well has just been another reason to leave this family and world that I made. I'm sorry, but I can't take much more. When I'm hoping for support, and I'm told that someone is shaking their head at me for being a less than perfect friend, especially when it matters so much to me to make people happy... I guess I'm asking you to please go easy on me, and anyone in crisis. If thats not okay, theres nothing more to do. Take care.

[jess0930]

Mamafear, some of these people are not putting themselves in your shoes and obviously being a little to "blunt" if you want to call it that. You were venting. and honestly I probably would have reacted the same way as you. Actually I probably would have told her look your not well. But you either need to go to the dr or go home and get some rest and I would have told her if she is sick I wouldn't want my family getting sick either. So I would have actually asked her to leave probably when she was gagging. I am sorry she put you in that kind of situation. I know she meant well but its almost common sense that when you are feeling that bad, that you stay home. You don't just show up at your door step. I know your not going to take your sons friend away from him. Everyone on here comes to this forum usually to vent right? So others should think about that before being so rude and blunt. You took it well what that lady did. I actually know some people kinda like that. To me not the cleanest and because I am a preachers daughter for some reason (some of the youth group) feel they can show up at our door whenever they feel like it. Sometimes its at 9 at night. I have a 7 month old with my husband. I can tell you it makes me the least bit happy to have people like that after my house is nice and clean for them to just show up! especially when they are not clean themselves then they want to touch and hold my baby. boy do I get mad and my over protectiveness sets in.

[jess0930]

I don't think Liz was being insensitive in any way, shape or form. Some members just do not coddle here which is how it should be. She was calling you out because your behavior towards the situation was irrational. That being said, we have all been there but just because you do not agree with what someone says does not make that individual 'rude or insensitive'. I totally understand as well as respect your need to vent and you should never be afraid to post here. Anyways, Liz is a very helpful member and has contributed much to IES and would not mean any harm to anyone.

Sometimes the point of venting is not to get someone else's opinion. Its just to pretty much put it down kinda like on paper and just get it out. So yes it came off as rude and insensitive because she didn't need someone to be so blunt and she didn't say anything about wanting anyone else's opinion. That is why she feels that way.

[jess0930]

Again, Mamafear I think you're blowing what I said out of proportion. I never meant to deeply offend you and I am sorry if that's how you feel. You don't have to feel scared to post. I'm sorr, but I still stand by what I said. You don't need to justify to me why you're a good mother and a good friend because i'm sure you can be. I understand feeling anxious but I don't understand considering cutting off your son's contact with her children nor do I understanding calling a friend stupid and in need of a brain because she got sick.

If you believe this makes me insensitive and rude then so be it.

It was a vent. Her thoughts. Not what she was actually going to be doing. I think she felt your were jumping to conclusions like you actually thought she was going to do those things. Sometimes we all say stuff we don't mean. I can see why she is offended. But you had good intentions. Some people like having someone being blunt and straight forward with them and others are a little more sensitive.

[evanderburgh]

Let me just say I admire you greatly for not instantly punching this woman in the face.

[chris_alice]

Let me just say I admire you greatly for not instantly punching this woman in the face.

Wow. Really?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on this website behave exactly how we emets fear other people will treat us should we, God forbid, vomit in public. I'm really beginning to think that we emets are the most hypocritical, judgmental, and least kind people on the planet... not to mention we're very selfish and expect the whole world to revolve around our IRRATIONAL fear instead of us trying to conform to the RATIONAL world.

Wow.

[Mamafear]

Chris- ???.

[evanderburgh]

It may be a somewhat close minded way of thinking but I can't help the way I feel. Many other Emets, I'm sure, experience the same unexplained feeling of rage when seeing someone v* in front of you. The fact that MamaFear told this woman about her emetophobia and the woman still had the nerve to come over after taking a drug that induces v* is completely insensitive and stupid as is. Not to mention the fact that after gagging repeatedly, she remained in mamafears house, knowing about her fear. If she had felt for any reason she would be sick, she should have left immediately. The point is, if someone confides in you and says "My worst fear is of getting mauled by a dog" are you going to bring a large angry pittbull to their house the next day? And completely ignore their discomfort until the dog attacks them?

[rileysmom]

Chris has a valid point. We do expect others to cater to our fear by not doing the very things we are afraid of which is throw up without giving a crap that we did it in public. Very good point. I woulda been upset if that had happened to me too but only because i can't handle it, not because they were wrong. Maybe she didn't want to do it in your house because outside you don't have to disinfect?

[evanderburgh]

Yes, being emet is quite a paradox, huh? It's true, I do become enraged by seeing someone do what I aspire to be able to do one day, get sick and not care. And thank you Chris and Rileysmom for helping me see my fear in a different light. It is my initial reaction when seeing someone v* to react in an angry way, but you both made me see that there is another side to this and that it is hypocritical of me for punishing someone for becoming sick in public. As you know, it is just very hard to keep your emotions under wraps while it's happening. Maybe I haven't reached the same level of acceptance as both of you and that's why I respond with disdain. All I meant by my post before was that I greatly admire Mamafear for being able to work through this horrible situation and still be courteous and NOT react in a violent way. I know I would not be able to do the same. Thank you three for shedding new light on my fear. It helps to hear another perspective from someone else with the same fear as me.

[rileysmom]

Honestly, until I read what Chris posted I had never thought of it that way but it has been an eyeopener for me! I would always get annoyed when someone got sick which is the VERY thing I have been fearing is someone getting annoyed with ME if I got sick, and here I was doing it. Some people don't realize that they are still contagious from noro once they are through being sick because they aren't as obsessed as we are with reading every news article on the internet. We are wanting people to become as scared as we are and at the same time, we want to be them...

[JadeNight]

Wow. Really?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people on this website behave exactly how we emets fear other people will treat us should we, God forbid, vomit in public. I'm really beginning to think that we emets are the most hypocritical, judgmental, and least kind people on the planet... not to mention we're very selfish and expect the whole world to revolve around our IRRATIONAL fear instead of us trying to conform to the RATIONAL world.

Wow.

A. MEN.


Mamafear, I have to second what Lizzo is saying, not to hijack your "venting thread" but this is a public forum, we all have different opinions and approaches. Including rational. I am unsure what you don't understand by Chris_Alice's input besides it's not coddling your fear. it's like when someone lends a rational hand to a member on this forum, they are chewed out for it being a support forum, and should be allowed to vent etc etc. Well, be that as it may, post with an open mind that people are not going to agree with you. They aren't giving you false facts.


Sometimes, I read posts like these and even wonder how I still classify myself as an emet. I act nothing like this. Despite my fear, I always recognized it was my fear, not the worlds.

[Emzee Howland]

As an emet I found being ill in public (on a boat) extremely distressing, upsetting and embarrassing.
I couldn't stop crying/saying sorry, as even though I was unwell I felt very guilty other people had to see that happen, especially if there were other emets around.

Sorry for hijacking, I just thought I'd chip in here >_<

[Sparklylikeaholiday]

I'm sorry you had a scary thing happen. :-(

I think that most of us have said or done things we don't prefer we say or do while we are in a panic. I know I have... When I am thinking rationally and I look back at some of the behaviors I've exhibited due to this fear... I shake my head. But at the time that I was doing/saying them, it made total sense to me and I was acting out of fear and some of us have more control over our irrational behaviors than others.