What next for me? I don’t know how to go

[julleri]

on...


I had my worst panic attack last night. It was so bad that I thought I was going to v*, my body moved in ways I never thought possible, my muscles tensed and trembled, my mind was racing at 100miles a minute thinking of all the possible things that are wrong with me, I couldn't breathe, and I had terrible senesations in my mind that I was not real and that I am not alive or on the planet... I can't explain how scared I was and am. The attack lasted a good 15 minutes (which felt like 15 hours), I had a hard time getting my breathing back to normal. What's worse is that I had to take three Ativans just to calm me down and I'm afraid I'm addicted to the stuff. It scares me. I'm taking Zoloft 100 and have been for months now, and I don't see any improvements. I'm always depressed and anxious, and the side effects are horrible. I've lost my appetite a lot, everything I eat hurts in my intestintes, and my sex drive is at an all time low. I can't even get excited about the thought of having sex anymore. I think these drugs are hurting me, but now I'm scared because I don't know what else to do. I got a call from a therapist that I want to see that says there is a waiting list for me for possibly two or three weeks. That makes me kind of upset. What's worse is I want to stop these meds and get better on my own, because I feel like they are hurting me, but I don't know what will happen if I stop them. I want to see a psychiatrist, because I want him to thouroughly diagnose what is wrong with me. My current doctor I'm seeing is not a mental health specialist and is probably not the best person to go to for this kind of anxiety/depression. I am just so worried because I'm not working. The only income is coming from my boyfriend with whom I live, and I'm tired of placing all these burdens on him. I tell him how sorry I am we cannot be a normal couple and he says over and over again that he's not mad and that I shouldn't feel sorry, but it pains me to see me to this s*** to him. I've totalled (sp?) it up and I've spent nearly $800.00 on medical health for 2004. I feel like I need to "start over" recovering, get off the damn Ativan and Zoloft if it's not making me feel well, speak with a real psychiatrist, get some cognitive behavioral therapy from a counselor, and do things better... but it makes me feel that what I've been doing for the last three months in trying to recover is all going down the drain... and is a waste of money. How am I supposed to afford "redoing" everything and my treatments? How am I going to afford all the bills I need to help my boyfriend with and try to take care of myself with little money? Does it even matter? I feel like my life is completely gone anyway I really do wonder what the f*** the point of going on is, you know? I'm extremeely depressed now and just want my boyfriend to come home from work and love me. I just wish I were not so mental. If anyone has any advice, please help me!!!





Mood: depressed


Music: Ben Folds Five - Brick

[siafi]

It sounds like it might be beneficial for you to stop taking the drugs, but you should definitely talk to a doctor before doing so. I hope you feel better!

[sage]

Whatever you do, DON'T stop taking your Zoloft without consulting good medical advice, preferably a psychiatrist. (And never take the advice of people on the internet, no matter how well-meaning they are - when it comes to drugs and your mental or physical health)


You're right that drugs cost as much as therapy, and if you look over the long term, they probably cost more. Having said that, your symptoms sound quite severe so you may need to do both for a while. A good therapist will really help you, and I know 3 weeks sounds like a long time today, but just hang in there.


Try purchasing the book "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" (Bourne) and start reading it and working through it while you wait. It will help a lot.


On the "Treatments" section of this website is a piece at the top called "how to choose a therapist". Check it out - hopefully this will help you.


Good luck!

[Melikasa]

sage said what I was going to say. It seems hard and my meds made me feel the same way for a while, it got better. The doctors were able to put me onto a different one that had some of the same effects but they went away after about a month or so. Make sure to tell them what simptoms you have and what your concerns are.


Just stick it out. Be stong.

[x hannah x]

Oh I'm sorry you'renot feeling too great at the mo. And that attack sound awful!Your boyf sounds like a great guy, and I'm sure he will support whatever decision you make. I hope you feel better
Love hannah
P.S Pleaseemail me if you you want to talk.