Hello Chloe,


I have just joined here tonight. I am beyond desperation now. I have had this phobia about V**** and S*** for as long as I can remember. It has always been severe. My other half had food poisioning a few years ago and at 3am I drove 15 miles to my mums house so I could be away from him. Years before that I was in a minicab after a night out with friends. One of my friends was very drunk and was burping and felt S***. Another friend told the cab driver to pull over. At this point I had the car door open and went to get out of the moving car. My friend had to pull me back in and slap me round the face to calm me down.


Now I have two lovely children. A boy who is 3 at the end of this month and a new daughter aged 8 weeks old. My little boy felt S*** on Friday night and I was here on my own so I called my mum and she came round to help me. He wasn't S*** and seemed better. Anyway, early hours of yesterday morning he was crying in his bed. My other half carried him through to our room and on the way in he did it. I don't even like talking about it. We have a wooden floor. I don't want to say anymore about that as you must know what it was like. I ended up sleeping downstairs as I couldn't be in the same room as I was so scared he would do it again. My partner had to take the day off work to be here incase it happened again.


Now....... I just want to pack a bag and leave! Please don't think I am a bad mother and that I don't love my children. I would give my life for them but, the thought of being here again when one of them is S*** is just to much for me to take. I want to leave my children rather than be here if it happens again. I saw the doctor today to be refered for help but I'm not optimistic as I had phsycotherapy years ago and it was C**P to say the least. If I don't get help soon I will have to go as I have only had 4 slices of dry toast since Friday. I can't eat, I am that scared of it happening and worried that I will do it too! I have tablets from the doctor to take incase I feel ill. I don't want to talk about that either.


I need to talk to someone. I am so desperate I cannot explain it. If somebody told me I would do it at 6pm tomorrow night I would top myself before then rather than have that happen to me.


Please reply as I don't want to feel alone on this anymore.


Thanks for reading this xxxxxxxxxx [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]