Really not good, need help badly!

[Mamafear]

Hello again! I feel like I'm on a cheap broken rollercoaster just waiting for the next bit of missing track. I'm too scared to sleep inside the house as t the moment so I've secretly stored some blankets on our deck in case I completely panic. I've only done it once but am having a little whiskey before bed each night to help calm me, but since daugjter got sick recently I keep replaying it in my head and I'm certain that she'll do it again and I'm quite simply terrified I'm currently working with my doctor at the moment to get a dose of quetiapine that works but am on permanent heavy pain medicine and need to increase it slowly. I really just don't know what to do, I feel desperate!. I'm sorry for being morose, I just hope someone has been here and knows of some way to get through the really back bits. I'm ready to do/try/take anythiing to get through this! Thanks.

[Absmum2be]

I don't know the answer :-(. My daughter was sick Monday and I'm still counting down to the 72 hour safe point for myself. Been 48 nearly... But like I'm just scared of me getting sick. Are you scared if yourself or your little one becoming ill? Or both? Also struggling to sleep... I'm so knackered now though its a joke. Plus hardly eating! I feel your pain :-( xx

[Mamafear]

I'm sorry you're on a countdown, it's scary huh!. I didn't realize that the phobia could get so bad so fast. I am so grateful to get support messages in the hardest times. I hope you're doing okay today. X

[Sparklylikeaholiday]

I don't usually read the non-private forums, so I didn't see this til now. HUGS I'm sorry!!!! I wish I had some advice to give! But we're here for you!!

[sdd]

Mamafear, I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand. It does get bad pretty quickly sometimes. I was fine a few months ago and now I cry if my son won't drink his bottle b/c I'm afraid he has noro. Sigh...

For me, what is keeping me from getting to the point that I can't function is making myself continue on. When my son v'd about a week ago, I got really upset. But then, I told myself "You have already been exposed. There is nothing that can change that now. Clean it up and hold him." And I did. Not to say I wasn't still anxious...I was. But, I moved forward. I try not to feed the emet by running away when things happen. Because I'm afraid if I run away once, I will never be able to cope again.

((Hugs))

[Mamafear]

I think you're right! I am getting more and more worked up and the options are not many now, (mainly consisting of running or self medicating. I wish that I could just wake up and realize that life IS actually worth living! (not talking suicide or anything). Hope you're doing okay at the moment, have been thinking of you both. Sleep well!. X

[jennjt]

I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch with emet lately. I have been there and am in the middle of a panic attack right now, actually. It totally sucks. I try to remind myself that it's not always like this, as I completely believe in impermanence, but not much calms me when I'm in a "state." I have tried the self-medicating route, and it didn't work out too well Now, I'm working on the sitting with it and breathing through it thing-- I am not having much success but am not going to give up. Trying to distract my brain right now, I suppose. It goes wild and starts visualizing me v*! I feel crazy sometimes! I try to remind myself, too, that these panic attacks are not as often as they were before, but logic seems to lose out over fear When I feel this way, I just tell myself to Hold On. And breathe. I listen to music with heavy / dark lyrics that make me feel understood, I suppose. Happy tunes don't cut it when I'm a mess... I like to go outside, too, and air blowing on my face and stomach always helps. I am sitting here, as I type, with my shirt tucked up into my bra because I cannot stand anything touching my stomach when I'm feeling icky. Anyway, just hold on... it WILL change. That's all I know for sure. And you're not alone

[Erica1649]

Sorry you've been feeling bad these days. Take a few deep breaths and try to find something to help distract your mind. Just think positively that ur daughter won't get sick again. Hope you are better soon!

[sdd]

Mamafear, how are you doing? Is your little one doing any better? I just posted something in the private help and support forum about the successful day I had today. After going through a sv with my baby, my daughter and myself, I realized it really IS going to be ok. It isn't that bad. I survived. And if it happens again, I will survive then too. Will I feel the same way next week or even tomorrow if one of them v's? I don't know. But right now I have to take it day by day. I think that's what you need to do too. Take it one day at a time. And on the rough days...we will be here for you.

[Mamafear]

Hey lovely people, I appreciate your words and have been re-reading them. Over the last week (having nearly finished a bottle of whiskey straight, ((I don't drink at all, ever)) I think the only way to deal with it is, as you've said, one day at a time, and to keep in mind that it will pass. Just a side note, the whiskey idea was a bad one, I am a non drinker and will remain that way. My husband goes away on business tomorrow so I will have the opportunity to try to keep remembering the 'this too shall pass' thing. Thanks again for the support!. Sdd, I left a reply to your 'Good Day' post about 10 mins ago. Xx

[sdd]

Mama...we are here while your husband is away. You all got me through my husband being gone.

[Mamafear]

I am SO scared!. Just crying all the time. Thanks for your support, I'm going to be online alot I think!. Glad you're having a more positive time of it, you deserve it girl! Xx

[Mamafear]

I am SO scared!. Just crying all the time. Thanks for your support, I'm going to be online alot I think!. Glad you're having a more positive time of it, you deserve it girl! Xx

[Tonster]

How is your daughter now Mamafear? I have been looking to see on your posts if they have been able to tell you what is up with her. The biggest fear I have is that vomit is dangerous, but its not, its just unpleasant. If you havent gotten s* from her yet, you probably wont - but I understand the ticking clock of horror you are living. If you had an idea of what was up with her maybe we could find some truths/meditations/sortathing to help you through, like the - its just unpleasant, its not permanent, it sucks, but there are actually worse things etc Let us know how you going. You are right about the whiskey, not a good crutch - I have tried it once before - with the outcome being just as bad as if I had caught an sv*! Hugs Tx

[Tonster]

Thought you might like this - Millie Elder read it at Paul Holmes's funeral -
Love always wins; it might take longer than evil or hatred but love always wins. Find out who you are and know who you are, and know your strengths and weaknesses. Be brave even if you are frightened. And don't worry if you are different from everyone else; we're all different.
Be brave even if you are frightened Mamafear

[Mamafear]

Tonster, your words are a balm. I couldn't have needed them more than I do right now, thank you so much!