i cant cope with this phobia anymore

[skippy88]

hi so here is my story i started with emet at the age of 18 i was never one for been sick as a child ect. so i didan't raily no what it felt like
to be sick unless i was drunk anyway when i was 18 i got drunk one night and i was fine but then the following night i started with very painful
belly pain i was in tears it was that painful and around 1 our later i started to throw up raily bad so bad i couldant breath for a long while and it
kept coming and coming threw my mouth and nose like a tap it mortified me to death and i must of passed out it was that bad becouse i dont
remember going to bed and from that night i stopped drinking any alchohol ever since and then my food intake was getting lower and lower every day and as the months/years past bye i started with other things like i wouldent eat meat anymore so now i am a veggiterian and i wouldent go to anyone elses toilet i would take hand wash wipes with me when i went out i wouldent go near any one who had been sick i stopped family comeing to visit incase of a virus i would check al foods for exspiary dates and loads more i just cant think of at the mo but anyway i am coming up to 25 years old now and i am getting worse every year i have a number of other problems now wich has been caused bye the phobia of been sick like im dangerously underweight now when i was 18 i was 8 and half stone i am now 5stn 11lbs i have taccicardia-
witch means my haert beats twice it is ment to i also have low blood presure acid reflux from not eating enough anxiaty disorder oustioporoses
my hair falls out my teeth have gone crooked my nails are a yellow colour my skin is dry and dead all due to not eating enough im also housebound now it has got that bad i have attempted to take my life over it befor i am so scared i would rather not be here that be sick again
i now can not work anymore i have been asking the mental health team in my area and others for help for the past six years but the say im
two thin to do any challanging therapy and they wont consider hospitalization till im dead thin basiclly i think that is stupid i only had a heart attack couple of months ago its like they are just waiting untill im about 4 stn befor they will do anything i just say to people i just want to feel normal again but they dont understant what i mean bye normal anyway thank you for reading.

[jess0930]

I am so sorry to hear your story. It is so sad but I can definitely relate. I am now 21 and have had my phobia for as long as I can remember. a couple years ago I was so so sick. I lost so much weight. I went from 120 to 90 in a matter of maybe 2 months. And I was deathly sick and pretty much bed ridden for 2 years. Later on they did find out it was stress and anxiety that was making me so sick. I also have a heart condition called Long QT. Its hard to explain but if the Q and the T intervals collide I will go into cardiac arrest and die. Now the funny thing (more ironic) is that stress and anxiety can cause me to go into cardiac arrest. I have been on meds since they found it when I was 16 years old. The same year they found it they immediately scheduled me a surgery to get a defibrilator pacemaker. So I have also had this device since I was 16 years old. Its been hard to cope with my phobia due to my heart condition. I also am OCD, I wash my hands ALOT. My hands don't look normal. They are dry and cracked like you wouldn't believe. I also look at and expiration date on everything even if it was just bought. I don't trust anyone but my mom and mother in law to cook. I don't eat out, which I can't say isn't bad haha. But the fear is bad. During the winter I won't leave the house. I have a baby and I am "over protective" with him cause I dont want him getting sick. And so much more that this phobia controls. It definitely controls your life. Your not alone and I hope you can get some help through this forum and also I hope and pray you can get help with all your other illnesses as well. You still have alot of life left. I am sorry you have to go through so much. If you ever need anything feel free to message me.

[skippy88]

thank you for your reply it means alot to no im not alone with this i have never spoke to anyone with the phobia before im sorry to hear about your heart problems im lucky enough not to have been sick through anxiaty witch i do suffer with badly its almost like i have trained my body not to be sick if that makes sense i have kept myself so isolated for myself not to get sick so i havent been since i was 18 when it started but my life is so taken over bye it now the phobia is in control of me and i cant get control over it thats the problem i do have sapport from my partner but theres only so much she can understand if you no what i mean we entered a civil partnership 6 months ago and that was a struggle we could not have many guests it was ment to be the best day of my life and i could not eat at the venue i couldnt evan go on the bouncy castle we booked ect it wasent nice and i no you mentioned you have son i have always wanted children but my periods have always been on of on of all the time they come and please as they like but they have been like that since i was 15 so i dont think its to do with me been underweight the longest iv been without one is 1 year but i think they have stopped now but i think i would be petrafied to get pregnant now with the phobia its a real life recker sorry here i go rambaling on again thank you again for reading

[chris_alice]

Reading your story breaks my heart because nobody should have to live like that and yet this debilitating fear of vomiting can completely take over!

There was a point in my emetophobia where I had completely stopped eating and became dangerously underweight and undernourished. Eating became the enemy. Food terrified me. Long story short, no doctor could help me, no therapist did either. One day, with tears streaming down my face, I made myself a sandwich and with my hands shaking, I brought it to my mouth and FORCED myself to take a bite. If you could have seen me, I'm sure I looked like I was ingesting poison!! I chewed and chewed and chewed until my mouth naturally swallowed. Now that bite of food was in me and my already high anxiety soared even more. But I forced myself to take another bite and repeated the same chew chew chew chew until I naturally swallow process, and I kept telling myself that this (eating) might make me deathly ill and kill me... but if I didn't eat, I would die an equally horrible death. So I kept eating, crying, shaking, panicking until I got about 1/3 of that sandwich down which, for me at the time, was a big accomplishment. And then I waited.... to get sick.... to die maybe..... to go crazy? All of those things? Nothing happened. I didn't get sick, I didn't die, I didn't lose my mind. The panic attack eventually stopped, like it always does. The worst thing that happened was I had a panic attack. That's it.

After that, I was able to slowly (very slowly) but surely start eating again. The more I made myself eat the less I feared it. Eventually I gained weight and regained my health.

Please, please, make yourself eat a little something. Anything. It's soooo scary, I know. Just the thought is terrifying. But you have to eat, we all do. I know you're terrified of eating because you think it will make you vomit. It won't. It will make you feel better because you'll be regaining your health and there is nothing that's a better antimetic than good health! If you have a properly nourished healthy body, you are less likely to get sick - sick of any kind - including vomiting. But if you don't eat and you become so weak and malnourished, you increase your chances of getting sick - every kind of sickness. Starving yourself is not protecting you from vomiting. It's actually doing the opposite.

Please, eat something.... start with just ONE bite. When you see that you won't vomit (and you won't) take another bite... and another... keep taking one bite often throughout the day until you work up to eating properly again. You can do this. You have to do this if you want your health, and your life, back.

If you can't do it alone, get help. Either professional or just ask a trusted person in your life to help you.

[rileysmom]

Chris is right 100 percent! I went through the same thing. The thought of eating would make me cringe but o had to force myself just like he did. Please take it one bite at a time!

[skippy88]

Reading your story breaks my heart because nobody should have to live like that and yet this debilitating fear of vomiting can completely take over!

There was a point in my emetophobia where I had completely stopped eating and became dangerously underweight and undernourished. Eating became the enemy. Food terrified me. Long story short, no doctor could help me, no therapist did either. One day, with tears streaming down my face, I made myself a sandwich and with my hands shaking, I brought it to my mouth and FORCED myself to take a bite. If you could have seen me, I'm sure I looked like I was ingesting poison!! I chewed and chewed and chewed until my mouth naturally swallowed. Now that bite of food was in me and my already high anxiety soared even more. But I forced myself to take another bite and repeated the same chew chew chew chew until I naturally swallow process, and I kept telling myself that this (eating) might make me deathly ill and kill me... but if I didn't eat, I would die an equally horrible death. So I kept eating, crying, shaking, panicking until I got about 1/3 of that sandwich down which, for me at the time, was a big accomplishment. And then I waited.... to get sick.... to die maybe..... to go crazy? All of those things? Nothing happened. I didn't get sick, I didn't die, I didn't lose my mind. The panic attack eventually stopped, like it always does. The worst thing that happened was I had a panic attack. That's it.

After that, I was able to slowly (very slowly) but surely start eating again. The more I made myself eat the less I feared it. Eventually I gained weight and regained my health.

Please, please, make yourself eat a little something. Anything. It's soooo scary, I know. Just the thought is terrifying. But you have to eat, we all do. I know you're terrified of eating because you think it will make you vomit. It won't. It will make you feel better because you'll be regaining your health and there is nothing that's a better antimetic than good health! If you have a properly nourished healthy body, you are less likely to get sick - sick of any kind - including vomiting. But if you don't eat and you become so weak and malnourished, you increase your chances of getting sick - every kind of sickness. Starving yourself is not protecting you from vomiting. It's actually doing the opposite.

Please, eat something.... start with just ONE bite. When you see that you won't vomit (and you won't) take another bite... and another... keep taking one bite often throughout the day until you work up to eating properly again. You can do this. You have to do this if you want your health, and your life, back.

If you can't do it alone, get help. Either professional or just ask a trusted person in your life to help you.

hi thank you so much for your post i am naily in tears just haveing someone understand what im going through i do see food as the demon it angers me that i have to eat food to stay alive. i also suffer with ibs and a swollowing problem witch makes things harder but i recently had tests done and the swollowing problem is scycological but wher i live they have no scycholigist available for me to see about a year ago i was eating more than i was and becouse of that it
resulted in acid reflux becouse my gut wasent used to that much food so every night now i get aganizing pain in my gut and lower abdomen the doctors
think its acid and ibs pain but i dont agree even takeing medications im not use to taking is a massive step for me becouse i dont no the side effects i am currently on antideppresent's 'anxiaty medication and haert medication plus acid reflux tabletes i am wanting to go on anti emetics but i live in the uk and i dont no what the best ones are to go on or if ther even is any it is getting me so down now when i do try to eat more i get more acid pain on the night and im naily sick with it every night i get so scared to go to bed sorry about the spelling im abit dislecksic thank you for reading

[catlynn]

I went through something similar. Was hospitalized twice for not eating, they actually told my mom I might have anorexia!! That made me mad because it wasn't because I feared weight
gain. One time when my mom took me took a Doctor, he told her I would eat when I got hungry ( Yeah Right!! wish that had been true) and he proceeds to tell me he would give me Syrup of
ipecac to make me vomit and I said " OH NO YOU WON'T " Granted I am older, I am 51 and I don't think they knew as much about anorexia and bulimia back then.

Skippy, that is so sad and not right. You would think that there has to be some kind of help out there. How on earth can they tell you they can't help you until you get worse!! That just makes
no sense at all too me!! Please try to eat. Sending a cyber hug "HUGS".

[skippy88]

hi i cant baleive the doctor was going to give you something to make you v bang out of order as for help for myself i had a phone call saying they might push for cbt but i would have to travel miles for it but i guess its worth ago since its the only thing iv been offered but i may still have to wait 6 months for it as i will be put on the waiting list cyber HUGS to you 2