Week 10 of CBT: exposure continues

[Greta1074]

Sheesh! Today I was dreading because I have a week off so it had been two weeks since the last session. I knew we would continue looking at videos. Over the time I wasn't in therapy I looked at photos and listened to sounds. I wrote a bit here and shared with you all. Now, we looked at a couple of clips. I was so afraid. Now there was a light in this tunnel. The usual thing happened, when I finally took my hands from my eyes I saw the person and it wasn't as bad as I expected. This happens every time. At least so far my expectations are a lot worse than the reality. We went through the process slowly and with and without sound. The cartoons were so much worse. They exaggerate in films. This is my frame of reference. The whole thing is fast too. I think it's going to be awful and take ages but 15 seconds, people. It's over. My anxiety lasts way longer and I end up having to re watch a few times til my abjectly comes right down. THIS IS IMPORTANT. If I stop the r posture before my heart rate comes down and I feel normal, it reinforces the fear and it is worse the next time. Avoidance taught my brain to get away from the subject of fear to feel better and over time the fear got bigger. My mind didn't get a chance to recognise there's no danger.
This week I have to do videos on my own until I calm down. Apparently I'm doing well. I feel crazy as hell and super anxious. When's life is stressful my phobia gets worse. In time I will be hopefully be able to manage this better. I'm starting running to reduce my adrenaline. Ill keep you all posted. Xxxx

[MrsFox]

Congrats hun, sounds as though you're making big steps! It's a great feeling when you nail one video, the first one I got through last week at first seemed so horrifying I cried for an hour leading up to actually watching it, then it only took a handful of watches to bring my anxiety right down. I've still got a long way to go - I've discovered I have the biggest problem with watching people do 'it' in a toilet, whereas the more graphic 'Jackass' style stuff seems to be a lot easier for me to deal with... not sure why this is yet!

[Greta1074]

Isn't it weird how we differ. I can't bare the anticipation. I can't start waiting for it to happen. If its a surprise with out a lot of moaning its easier. When people do deliberate stupid stuff I struggle. I'm impressed by you even looking for them on YouTube. I can't. Maybe I will be able in the future. Thanks for the support. My anxiety is way down. I feel better for the exposure. Weird