Hello. New here. (warning: contains graphic content)

[PyroYoshi]

I'm a 23 year old woman, and I've been lurking for a while, so I decided to finally register and post. I'm just letting you know ahead of time, that the second part of my post is graphic. You see, I'm both an emetophobe and an emetophile. Yes, you read that right, I'm an emetophile, and I'll go over that in the second part of my post.

First the phobic aspect. I'm afraid of throwing up from something such as noro, but my phobia in incredibly mild compared to most people here. Additionally, I'm only afraid of getting sick myself. I do take basic precautions (such as keeping my fingers out of my mouth unless I just washed them, as well as washing my hands after touching ATM keypads, electronic store pens, and public door handles) but I'm not haunted on a daily basis by fearful feelings. The thought of getting sick doesn't even cross my mind.

In fact, I haven't always been phobic, I didn't even realize my fear until I was 21. The last time I actually puked was when I was 16, back in 2006, from a virus. I wasn't scared at all when it happened. However, I was shocked and very surprised, as prior to that incident, I hadn't been sick since I was 8. I was even able to laugh about it less than 5 minutes after it happened. Fast forward to summer of 2011, when I had a VERY close call. Though I didn't realize it, I had suddenly become lactose intolerant, so I kept eating dairy products. TMI: I had diarrhea 2-4 times a day every day for 2 weeks strait, but other than that, I felt fine. One fateful night, I basically overdosed on the dairy. On July 3rd, 2011, around 11:15 pm, I felt sudden rumblings in my gut, so I knew it was time for a crap. This time was different, as I didn't feel better afterwards. Before long, nausea started to build, until it got to the point of being uncomfortable. As the sick feeling grew, so did my sudden fear. I was very sweaty, my heart was beating way too fast, and I was actually trembling. I thought, "No, just NO! This cannot be! This can't be happening to me! But...why am I so afraid?" Three hours later, I was on the brink of actually puking, and I was curled up in the fetal position in the shower, on the verge of tears. I won't lie, I wanted my mother.

Alas, I never did throw up. Using willpower, I was able to defeat the nausea. It was a truly agonizing several hours, but I did it.

I'm not 100% sure why it took so long for my phobia to manifest, but I think it has something to do with the philia aspect, which only gets more intense the older I get. My biggest arousal is also one of my biggest fears.


Now I'm going to discuss my emetophilia, so if that subject might upset you, I highly suggest that you don't read any further. Please refrain from calling me a disgusting freak.

I've been an emetophile ever since I can remember, even back in pre school. To put it bluntly, I get very aroused when I see, hear, or think about an attractive guy puking. I won't get into detail about the pleasuring effects it has on me, you'll just have to take my word for it. I get rather, uh, exited in the pants if a guy even mentions feeling sick. The thought of taking care of a guy who is sick is also arousing to be. Keep in mind, I NEVER want anybody to be ill, but I can't help my arousal. For years I thought that I was disgusting, that I was a freak, that I was the only person on the planet aroused by this. When I was 17, I discovered that there are others like me, so I didn't feel so weird anymore.

I'd be happy to answer any emetophilia related questions you might have for me, as long as they aren't disrespectful.

[chris_alice]

Hello and welcome.

I find it fascinating that you have both emetophobia and emetophilia, although they are two sides of the same coin so....

Serious question: What would happen if you and your boyfriend vomited at the same time? Would you be suicidal AND horny at the same time??? How would that work.

[jmoore10]

Welcome to the forums.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't seriously confused about the phile part just because the concept is totally foreign to me-probably similar to a phobic trying to explain emet to a non-phobic. Do you think it has something to do with your wanting to nurture/care for the sick guy? Lol-that would make you wonderful wife/gf material! Just curious-are there support/group forums for philes? Not because I want to see it or worse, troll it-I'm just genuinely curious!

[PyroYoshi]

I don't have a boyfriend, but if I did, and we were sick at the exact same time, I'm not sure how I'd react. Maybe I'd feel afraid and exited at the same time, I'm really not sure, as that situation has never arisen yet.

Yes, there is a forum for emetophiles, and I'm a member on it.

As for why I became an emetophile, it may be because I almost never got sick growing up, not even as a child. On the other hand, my brother would barf at the drop of a hat. As gross as it may seem to most members here, it's the puking itself that I find arousing, as well as the look of nausea that the guy feels before hand.

In case you're wondering, I only get aroused upon seeing guys get sick, girls doing it is a dull signal. It doesn't do anything for me at all, and I'd rather not see it if I had a choice.

[Miss_Pink24]

Welcome to the forums. I really appreciate the honesty in this post! Though I find the "phile" part of this post extremely confusing and cannot even comprehend how *ving is even remotely arousing. But then everyone is different. They do say that fetishes can develop from fear and significant traumatic events in your life. I am not sure if this is a coping mechanism or just the way our brains are wired. So I guess that your fear of *v itself has developed and manifested into a fetish.

What is it about *v that you find so arousing? Is it the feeling of needing to nurture and care for the guy when he is most vulnerable or is it the loosing control part (the guy has essentially lost control of his body when he *vs)? Or maybe it is something else entirely? I am just curious.

[daffodil]

Welcome! I have seen a few emetophiles on the forum, not sure if they stuck around though. I hope you like it here, and that you are treated respecfully.

[PerfectCircle]

It's so refreshing to see this level of honesty.

I'm largely emetophobic, for the reasons you state. but i do however sometimes think there's more there. Part of my self-therapy was exposing myself to people being ill, and i won't lie - after doing it for so long, i eventually began to relax and almost enjoy the experience (Not because i wish them any harm of course, but being in a position where they're incapacitated and reliant on me is quite....nice.)

As a guy, i always figured this rather odd, and to this day i've always thought myself less of a man for feeling like it. Heck, subconsciously i still do even just in regards to my emetophobia. Not just in how i deal with other sick people.

[Cynna]

I am not a phile.

I have run into philes on this site. I still do not fully understand.

If you search on this forum you will find old threads about it and a poll. Some have personal stories.

Welcome

[Mamafear]

Welcome to the forums, and I'm sorry you have this fear. Your philia is fascinating, I'd never have guessed it existed. I hope you find comfort here. Xx

[gumdropper1]

Welcome, PyroYoshi. To find more threads about emetophilia, click the word emetophilia in the box below headed "tags for this thread."

[PyroYoshi]

I appreciate the welcomes.

I've often wondered why I became an emetophile, but I don't have a clear answer, though I may have a hint. One of my earliest memories was barfing on myself in a movie theater, at age 3. The movie was The Lion King, and when my mom took me home, I remember saying, "Mommy, I'm NOT sick. I want to watch the rest of the movie."

During elementary school and middle school, I had an intense interest in boys at school puking, but I didn't associate it with sexuality until I was 15. My high school required two years of foreign language in order to graduate, so my spanish class had 10th, 11th, and 12th graders in it. I was 15, and I had a huge crush on a 17 year old in my class. One day I could tell that he felt very sick and I knew there was no way he was going to make it until the end of class. I began to get hot, flustered, and exited, and when he got up and bolted out of the classroom (why he didn't ask the teacher to go to the nurse, I don't know) those feeling intensified, because I knew that he was puking out there. I cursed myself for having not forgotten my spanish folder, and I tried to calm myself down by attempting to focus on the stupid video we were watching. When the guy came back 10 minutes later to get a pass to the nurse's office, he looked really sick and had water on his shirt, which only made me feel more aroused.

Thankfully, I have a fantastic poker face, so my classmates never suspected how much I enjoyed that. After that day, I knew for sure that I was a little different from most people in the kink department.

[Tonster]

Wow, that is amazing what our weird minds will do?! I can't imagine it. Which one would you rather be - as a phobe, it freaks me out to think of the phile part - but then maybe I would rather have the phile part. Sorry to hear that you have both though, as they are at such odds with each other.

[daffodil]

Wow, that is amazing what our weird minds will do?! I can't imagine it. Which one would you rather be - as a phobe, it freaks me out to think of the phile part - but then maybe I would rather have the phile part. Sorry to hear that you have both though, as they are at such odds with each other.

I know you didn't ask me, but it is an interesting question. I would honestly rather be a phile, because there would be no fear. It's not it the cards for me, though. I do not find v* remotely arousing.

[wiscomommy]

Welcome - quite different to see, as chris_alice said, the other side of the coin.

[hairyfairy]

I wouldn`t call myself an emetophile by any stretch of the imagination, but I suppose I have a morbid fascination with v

[SUM1]

Yeah. I fully accept emetophobia, and I fully accept emetophilia, but after dozens of topics I've read and questions I've asked, no one has told me, or at least I have failed to understand how the heck it is possible to have both. Would someone please explain? I just can't get my bloody head round it. How can someone be afraid and aroused by the same thing?

[SUM1]

And I hope no one confuses emetophilia with something that I do and probably others do too. I have an immense fear of being sick, crane flies, flying and I get nervous about certain diseases. But as a result of this, I have FULLY and THOROUGHLY studied ALL of these things, ALL BY MYSELF, on the internet. I know A LOT about what there is to know about crane flies, I have, or at least had, an immense fascination of planes and studied almost all of the manufacturers and models, I have researched hundreds and hundreds of diseases on Mayo Clinic, WebMD, Wikipedia, you name it, and I've obviously studied v*ing hard. This is all mainly to know everything about the things I'm scared of and more importantly know how to avoid them, to put it very simply.

[PyroYoshi]

To be truthful, I don't know why I fall on both sides of the spectrum. I'm just an odd duck. I have other kinks too, such as black knee high boots on men (and on myself), tongue piercings, and chainsaws. Feel free to think, "Chainsaws? WTF?" but I find something very appealing about them. Resident Evil 4 was the first action based game I played, and when I saw Dr.Salvador decapitate Leon S. Kennedy with one swipe of his chainsaw for the first time, I was shocked, freaked out and a little aroused all at once.

I know that didn't answer your question, but I'm afraid I don't have a clear answer. It may be one of those life long mysteries.

I forgot to mention earlier, but I'd be really grossed out if I saw a family member puke, especially my brother or my parents. My biggest arousal becomes disgust if the person doing it is directly related to me, because it raises the incest flag.

[4077girl]

edit forgot this was the general forum! oops!

[vgirl]

Okay, I really like your honesty and will say that I am also a "bit of both."
I hate the idea of me puking. Hate it and obsess about it (in a negative way) and avoid germs and will do anything to avoid people with it and DO go for years without doing it.
But it is nonetheless a fantasy, and I like what you've said about it having to do with a person being helpless and dependent and just sort of... succumbing. (which sounds kinda sexual, if you think about it)

I'm a straight female, but fantasize about both sexes; I wonder what that means. Ditto about family members; gross, not a turn-on at ALL. Ditto about my husband, for some odd reason. Maybe too close to home like I'd be worrying the germs would get me.

For the member asking HOW it's possible to have both, I don't know if anyone has the answer to that - except it is something I think about a lot and obsess about. The flipside of always / often worrying about puking is imagining people puking - even if they're totally hot. Maybe it's some kind of domination fantasy, like it's the ultimate humiliation?

Dunno. Not a psychoanalyst; just wanted to chime in and say I'm still around on the forums. Not often cuz if I hang out here too much I obsess too much. If I go away, I have long sane periods where the phobia settles down to a "dull roar." :-)

[PyroYoshi]

^If I find a guy hot or cute, I'll always fantasize about him puking. I don't think it's about domination, as it seems that many non phobes like having someone with them when they're sick.

[chixy]

That's so interesting! I have emetophobia and i think all of us humans have a natural attraction to the forbidden (girls to bad boys like moths to a lamp ) and i have noticed this when somebody v*s around me. I can not for the life of me look away. I am so so terrified, like on the brink of a panic attack every time, but i can't look away. It doesn't arouse me, but i just have to see it. I want to see it, but i don't want it to happen. It's so difficult to explain. I don't want it to happen but if it does then i want to see it. I don't know really. It's very interesting that you can be at two sides of a spectrum at the same time.

[catlynn]

Chixy, like I have to check every car that is pulled to the side of the road. It terrifies me yet I have to look!! So strange! The human mind is both strange and interesting.

[chixy]

Chixy, like I have to check every car that is pulled to the side of the road. It terrifies me yet I have to look!! So strange! The human mind is both strange and interesting.

Or when there's been an accident and you don't want to be disrespectful and look but you just can't stop yourself. I guess that's the same brain process for me with someone vomiting. It's rather fascinating!