So I am just your average 14 year old teenage girl. Smart, Funny, Outgoing, Low Patience. However I have a problem. Emetophobia. I have had this for about 6 years. Most people don't know about this except when I situation involving someone becoming sick is near. My Friends and Family know about this but I feel the only person who really understands how I feel is my Dad. Out of my whole family of 20 or so the only person I feel safe talking to about my fear is my Dad. Now that's just sad. I mean I should be able to talk to my Mom or Sister or Best Friend about this but no. I feel like only my Dad understands.

Now to give a little back story I will just start from the beginning. So now that I look back in my life I realized my whole fear started happening after I moved away from my lovely home when I was 8. I am not sure if that is significant but I don't know I thought it was weird. Anyway the earliest memory I have of my problem with v* is when I was getting ready for school and I was sitting in my living room eating my favorite food (a smores poptart) and my little sister was laying on the couch. She was sick I think and I was watching TV while my mom was upstairs finishing getting ready. All of a sudden I see my sister v* and almost choke. I was scared I mean being a 9 year old girl seeing your little sister v* just it was horrible. But I have had many other experiences with this and I will try to tell them in order. After that there was a kid on my bus on our way home who got sick and I had to walk around it (horrible memory, never want to see that kid for the rest of my life), Was home alone with Grandma and got sick, was at a horse show thing and my sister and neighbors went on a ride (of course I did not go on) and when they came off my neighbor got sick, CCD kid didn't feel good=sick in bathroom, kid in my health class did not feel good and got sick in bathroom, was stuck in the nurses office for those stupid hearing and vision tests kid got sick (had panic attack in office), was on a cruise and we were on a little ferry boat going to an island and Mom and Sister were right next to me while I was stuck there watching them get sick (Cried for 3 1/2 hours straight and dehydrated myself, probably worst memory ever), and also I was sick January 2012 Friday the 13th, at 2:00, 5:00, and 8:00 AM. I am pretty sure that's it though there are those times in class where kids say they don't feel well and I either leave or panic.

So I have been through a lot with my fear. After the CCD incident everything went horrible and I realized I had a horrible problem. The day after the CCD thing happened I went crying into the guidance office (I was in 6th grade, 9th grade now) and I told my counselor what happened. But in CCD I couldn't go back to that same room and I had to switch classes. Also I had a panic attack every time I went to class and my Dad had to walk me in and help calm me down (Mom never did, lost patience). I had to go see a life counselor outside of school and his name was Dan. Although I did tell him of my fears of throw up he worked more on my anxiety problem. My anxiety was me not able to go to school without crying, though we did make a plan that I sit with my Dad at 6:15 everyday till he had to leave. This did help with my anxiety and soon after 6th grade I did not have my separation anxiety anymore. So I stopped seeing my "life counselor" although I was happy because he just made me feel uncomfortable.

But back to my emetophobia. My family and I (aka my Dad and I) had never really focused on my phobia therefore I still was scared. My "Panic Attacks" when in a situation with v* consisted in my heart beat going fast, all my senses (especially hearing) become better, and my uncontrollable crying. I hate it when this happens because I feel embarrassed that people think I'm weird when I have these attacks (like in school) but I can't help it, and I hate it.

And people (aka the people who know about my fear ex:friends and family) seem to think my phobia is a laughing matter. My two cousins Kristin and Ryan found out about my phobia while we were all on vacation in Maryland. I told them so they could make sure not to get sick around me but it completely backfired because from then to now every time I see them they are like "What would happen if a v*ed right now?" or they would say they were going to be sick or pretend to. This has resulted in me hating my own cousins which I shouldn't be doing but they find it to be weird and a laughing matter. They were over for Easter and although my cousin Kristin did not do it as much as she used to. Ryan kept bugging me about it every time I walked past him. This got to the point where I started crying and told my Dad about this who then told my Mom. And let me tell you my parents are not happy with my cousins right now and the next time it happens they will say something which I am happy about. But also my best friend knows and she knows how bad it is but she and other people always pretend to gag and stuff because they think it's funny but it's not. I just I feel like they don't care about how I feel and It hurts.

I know I need to go to a specialist about this and I will I just feel like letting all this out will help me feel better about my fear and maybe if anyone could help me with how I feel that would be great. Thanks you for reading this long thing but I appreciate it. It is organized a bit weird but I tried my best.
So thanks for reading and maybe if anyone could help that would be great!