Sweetie, have been keeping you in my thoughts. Have you talked to your doctor about feeling the urge to commit suicide? I was not far away from doing something desperate not long ago and I asked my doc to increase my anxiety meds and it took the terror of my fear away. Now, when I hear one of my childrwn say 'my tummy hurts,' I panic, but my body doesn't go nuts (my heart rate usually goes up to 121+bpm for upwards of 3 hours). The medecine is called Quetiapine although you will probably be given something to suit you. Please go get fixed, it saddens me to think of you feelung so bad. You pm me if you're nit coping. Big warm hugs. Xx