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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    Pittsburgh, PA
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    119

    Default Exposure taking a hard stance

    My daughter will now have consequences to face (per her therapist) if she doesn't follow through on her daily exposures and this now includes school. She is to pick 3 days of the week and got to school for a set amount of time . She has been refusing to do so due to her anxiety level when it's time to go. Her therapist at the beginning of therapy would only allow us to reward her the days she went but now she will have her phone taken away and have an early bedtime. This will be so hard for me but as I have will continue to do as they say to get her better. Things are already so hard for her I hate to make her more unhappy. I hope to have more reward days then consequence ones.
    These consequences were all per her therapist and not her Dad and I ...she thinks she needs an extra push because of her resistance to go into school even after getting ready and is standing in the parking lot. She is to go for 1.5 hours right now 3 days a week... But this is still difficult. She has been on homebound instruction since January... She went today but like you all know this sickness is unpredictable what will happen tomorrow and the next??? I just don't know.
    Last edited by momtecz; 04-17-2013 at 05:52 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Pelsall, Walsall, United Kingdowm
    Posts
    527

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    I dont know if you wanted someone to comment or just wanted to get some issues off your chest. However from someone who has sufferred from this since childhood and still does as an adult, I hope my advice helps. I completely and 100% understand your fustrations, seeing your daughter have anxiety it is upsetting, but believe me punishing your child for not the way to go. First of all, she isnt a young child who is being naughty to get attention. She is a girl, absolutely frightened about going out in the world. Your child has an illness like all of us on here, so ask yourself this. Would you punish your child for having a cold or flu, if not, then you have to ask yourself why you would punish your child for anxiety.
    However, if you do feel things are getting bad for you, please come on here and ask for advice. If I am online, I will be more than happy to help.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
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    119

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Thank you ditchy_jon for you response . I'm always on here for all of your help and advice. I have no answers on how to handle this sickness with keeley and can only hope and pray by listening to the doctors and therapist they will help her . I edited my above post to better explain things . I hate to punish keeley for this .. The therapist says she now has the skills to handle school for a limited time and she needs the time to use them if she avoids the situations she won't get better. I hate watching her this way . She was a once happy active little girl and now that is gone. Please give any suggestions at anytime!!! For what its worth she went to school today!
    Last edited by momtecz; 04-17-2013 at 06:47 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    729

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    As hard as it sounds, I don't think the amounts of times she is supposed to go is outrageous. Baby steps will help her gain confidence even if it is somewhat forced baby steps. That is how she will grow and learn that she did OK in the 1.5 Hours. The only thing I would suggest is a reward when she does go all three , so there is a reward on the opposing side of the ppunishment.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    Pittsburgh, PA
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    119

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Tryingtobebrave... I just hope this helps and the steps that she does take will show her she can do it! Her anxiety to at the highest before she goes and once she is there she feels better ... I pray this gets better for her.. As far as the reward we are doing just that... A reward or consequence is given all by her decision to go or not go . On the days that aren't school days she has to do an outing of some kind ...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,335

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Keep us updated on her progress with this new plan. I hope she does well with it. There is a chance, as I'm sure you know, that she won't care about the consequences, and will just stay at home because going out/to school is too overwhelming.

    When I was a child, I would frequently refuse to go to school. My emet hadn't started yet, so it wasn't that, but I did have generalized anxiety then, which was pretty severe, and I didn't care what consequence I was given, I just wanted to stay in my safe place, which was home. I hope this is not what happens with your daughter.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
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    119

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Daffodil you are exactly right! I already worry that the consequences will not be enough to make her try... The phone is all she has it's not like I can say "your grounded from going anywhere or to a friends house because she doesn't!" this is all we have to give her the nudge after this I'm not sure what the therapist suggests.. I'm a teacher... I don't believe in homeschooling nor is it an option since I'm not home during the day! She really needs to get back into school... Be with her friends... And be a 10yr old again!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Pelsall, Walsall, United Kingdowm
    Posts
    527

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Quote Originally Posted by momtecz View Post
    Thank you ditchy_jon for you response . I'm always on here for all of your help and advice. I have no answers on how to handle this sickness with keeley and can only hope and pray by listening to the doctors and therapist they will help her . I edited my above post to better explain things . I hate to punish keeley for this .. The therapist says she now has the skills to handle school for a limited time and she needs the time to use them if she avoids the situations she won't get better. I hate watching her this way . She was a once happy active little girl and now that is gone. Please give any suggestions at anytime!!! For what its worth she went to school today!
    The main thing is that she will be that happy active girl again, it just takes time. Just to ask, does your daughter suffer from emetophobia specifically or general anxiety which culminates in emetephobia, agrophobia etc.
    Have you tried taking your daughter out to safe places, places where there a few people, close to home, such as a local park. This way it will get your daughter used to the outdoors without the stress of mass amounts of people.
    I do feel for you and hope that your daughter gets better quickly, however please dont see it as IF she will get better, see it as WHEN she gets better. Because she will definitely get better, but it can take alot of time and support.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,335

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    I just had a thought. Is there something special that your daughter wants to do that involves leaving the house, like a trip, or something like an arts and crafts project that you need to get the supplies for? I'm sure you have already probably talked this over with her therapist, but if there is something like that she can work towards, that will get her out of the house maybe? Like, she can have beading/sewing/painting supplies but only if she comes to the store with you to pick them out? I'm probably reaching here, but thought I'd toss that out there.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    119

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Ditchy_jon... On the days she isn't scheduled to go to school keeley has to go to somewhere of her choice... Sometimes we will even just sit in the parking lot of her chosen place if she is too anxious to go in and she usually does pick somewhere she feels would be less crowded... She really wants to go shopping at her favorite mall stores but we haven't got to that point yet. I can't wait for that day! Today she chose to go to my classroom for the afternoon as her "reward" she is to go to school tomorrow afternoon... I just hope it's a opportunity to reward her!! I want her to get better so badly! She has been diagnosed with anxiet/OCD due to her emetophobia...this began for her last January and she receiver treatment felt better and it all resurfaced after a bout with the sv the end of December. It's been a Long road and she has so far to go ! But she will get there
    Last edited by momtecz; 04-18-2013 at 08:15 PM.

  11. #11
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    Feb 2013
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    Pittsburgh, PA
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    119

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    No that is a very good idea... And it seems like it all depends on the day.. Somedays keeley complies with doing the exposures and others she refuses. I try to make it all her choice and make it fun for her to do. I can't wait to hear her ask me if she can go here or there again... I'll be running to the car to take her wherever she wants to go

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Rotorua New Zealand
    Posts
    85

    Default Re: Exposure taking a hard stance

    Hi Momtecz, just read this and got a little teary for you and your girl I have no advice, just wanted to say that life is so very unfair sometimes, and I pray your daughter will have the strength to use the techniques she has learnt so she can be all she can be.

 

 

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