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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    419

    Default Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    So, I am now three sessions away from completing my CBT treatment for emetophobia. Let's review.

    One year ago, I sat on the sofa, trembling after an unexpected vomit scene in a film we were watching. I almost cried, and I had two sleepless nights as I was too anxious to lie down in case I was sick. Six months ago, my late Father was lying in intensive care on life support and I stood outside the main doors sobbing, too scared to go in and be by his side because the woman in the bed opposite was vomiting.

    Today, 1st May 2013, I sit writing this mere minutes after watching a 16-minute video entitled 'ultimate vomiting compilation' - your typical loud, brash lads doing all sorts of silly challenges. My hands are steady, my stomach is calm and I'm smiling.

    I appreciate that I still may have a way to go when it comes to myself being sick. But there are two things I have managed to start breaking down.

    1) I am not as scared of the act itself as I am of the uncertainty and unpleasantness of prolonged nausea - the 'will it happen' is more of an issue than it actually happening.

    2) One of my core beliefs and fears about the act itself has finally been broken down. Once upon a time, I thought that once the act of being sick started, it was constant, for several minutes at the very least. I had horrible images in my mind of being constantly throwing up for 30mins upwards. As I've gone through my exposure, I've not seen a single person throw up for longer than 40 SECONDS (and that's in small waves). I was amazed when I realised it was normal. THAT was normal, not the horrific and drawn out event I'd built in my head.

    I still don't know the root of my phobia, but I'm starting to realise that's not a problem. The uncertainty of it was my problem all along. I'm the same in other aspects of my life. For example, if someone I care about says to me 'I need to talk to you later', I instantly flip to panic mode and the uncertainty of what they might say picks at me for hours.

    I can say with 90% certainty that I have almost completely stopped catastrophising the event itself in my head. I'm also getting a lot better at telling when I have anxiety nausea, and can usually accept it, let it wash over me and move on. There are still hiccups, sure. IBS flare ups are still a bit of panic point - particularly when they happen at night.

    I don't want to harp on and make this an essay, but I do want to encourage people to at least talk to your doctor/therapist about GRADUAL exposure. I'm talking very gradual here - for the first two weeks I was only allowed to work on saying 'vomit' aloud. I was massively sceptical back then, I thought it was going to ultimately be a waste of time and something I would just have to live with. I know there's still work to be done. Hell, I know I still have a fair few panicky nights ahead of me, where it'll be a battle to steer myself away from my 'safety' behaviours.

    It's been hard work, and at times I've felt like throwing in the towel and admitting defeat. But hey, I'm glad I went through all the tears, tantrums and protests. Emetophobia, I haven't beaten you yet, but I can say with total confidence that I WILL beat you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    England
    Posts
    150

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    This is SO lovely to read and I'm so happy for you well done for staying strong and fighting though. You're extremely brave and I admire your courage!
    “Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. how can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself?”

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,921

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Thats briliant - WELL DONE!!! Keep up the good work, I wish I had your strength.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Bridgeport, CT
    Posts
    3,202

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Best of luck to you!!! You are doing a great job, you should definitely be proud!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,224

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    This is so wonderful to read this! It gives me hope that while I'll never be 'cured' of this, there is still recovery.


    Congratulations! Thank you so much for sharing your story!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    119

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Thank you for sharing this Mrs. Fox...I hope you continue to have the strength to face those hard days and overcome anything that stands in your way ...I pray that therapy takes you far and that recovery comes soon for you! Im so proud of you and the accomplishments you made already....You should be very proud of yourself too....God Bless

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    419

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Thank you guys, just two sessions to go now - I saw my therapist today and she told me a really gross v-story and we had a good old giggle about it!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,305

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Good for you!!! Exposure really does help...I have done it and was amazed when my mind "habituated" to the videos. It's a constant process though and takes a lot of practice and watching over and over. I'm sort of at a standstill in that I've come as far as I can or want to go. But it did help and I will keep seeing my therapist, who's awesome.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    419

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    Andee, that's so great to read. I'm still having a bit of a problem dealing with my own nausea though. I just hope it will come in time.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    2,933

    Default Re: Exposure Update - Trigger Warnings

    I have been doing exposure therapy on my own with videos on youtube. Check out emetophobiahelp.org if you are doing it without medical help. There are instructions and videos, pictures, etc there. READ THE DIRECTIONS FIRST. YOU CAN'T JUST JUMP INTO IT OR THERE COULD BE SOME PTSD TYPE AFTEREFFECTS. I went from flashbacks from Beiber vomiting on stage to it not affecting me in movies and videos.


    Congrats Mrs Fox, Proud of you, Kick emets a...

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    Kick emets a....

 

 

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