As some of you may have seen on a previous post, I'm traveling to Australia for live and work for six months and I leave in three weeks.

My emet and anxiety had got to a point where it had consumed me and my daily life. Relationships were failing, family were struggling, I was signed off work, I had no social life, I was just a 'nobody.' I decided I needed to take drastic action before I slipped into a dark place and that was when I decided that I was going to go to Australia. I was going to fight, be brave and do something for myself.

While I am so excited about my trip, about getting out of my routine and hopefully getting out of this depressing rut I am starting to feel massively overwhelmed by it. The past five weeks, since I decided to go, have been a massive roller coaster of ups and downs. One day I feel positive and optimistic about going, the next I wonder what the hell I am playing at.

I guess because it's getting so close now and it's becoming more real, I feel like my mind is completely out of my control. I feel detached from everything and everybody around me and I'm in a constant state of worry/anxiety/panic/depression.

I know this is a massive opportunity for me and I know if I don't go, I will regret it. I can't not go now as I've sold my car, my business, pretty much everything I own to fund this trip.

The thought of being the other side of the world, away from everything I know is just terrifying. I'm constantly asking myself, "is this the right thing?" and am having "what ifs?" running through my head constantly.

I feel like I'm not really living at the moment. I can't quite get my head around anything and I'm scared, I'm really scared

I've sort of dealt with the fact that I've got to fly for 24 hours alone (well, I think I have but I guess I'm still a tad anxious about it) but it's just the WHOLE thing that's driving me barmy!

I'm sorry for such a lengthy post. My family are fed up of me keep going on about it. They believe this is a positive experience and I should be excited etc. and I am but as an emet, other thoughts and feelings are beating the positivity and excitement away! I guess I just wanted some advice or something as I'm feeling super low and super out of control right now.