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  1. #1

    Default 3 step forward, 5 steps back... Sigh

    So I've struggled with emetophobia for years and years and years, and I thought I was doing so well. I got over my hypochondria and OCD, am doing a lot better with my agoraphobia and social phobia, and I hadn't been as anxious about v*ing as I usually was. I managed to look at a drawing of someone v*ing with no anxiety, and I felt so proud of myself! I had norovirus and food poisoning within the past few weeks, and though I didn't v*, I didn't have extreme anxiety either.

    Fastforward to yesterday. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone when he told me he was going to v*. I didn't freak out, just told myself to calm down and was mainly worried about how he was feeling. When he got back, he was shocked to find me normal instead of an anxious mess, and we both celebrated for how well I did.

    But now.. I'm finding myself more anxious than ever. I've been super anxious all day, haven't eaten out of fear of getting ill, and have obsessed over what happened yesterday to an extreme degree. I'm finding myself descending into depression and that feeling that I will never get better from this, that no matter how hard I struggle against it, it will always come back. I feel like I always take three steps forward, but within a matter of time I will inevitably take five steps back.

    I've tried everything. Therapy, EFT, medications, you name it, I've probably tried it. But nothing has worked. I had finally through sheer force of will and through the amazing aid of my boyfriend managed to overcome it little by little, but now I feel like I'm back at square 1. The hypochondria, OCD, germophobia, agoraphobia, social phobia... they've all been easy to treat of compared to this.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like with every little success there are a twice as many failures.

    Sorry for the rant,
    Moon

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    2,851

    Default Re: 3 step forward, 5 steps back... Sigh

    You're allowed to feel afraid during your recovery, did you know that? It's okay. The only thing that might set you back is if you give yourself grief over it. Don't expect perfection, just keep going, and whatever methods work best for you keep doing them. You did so well! I'm still in recovery and I fall like anyone, but getting back up is key to it all. breath.
    Life is so worth living.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    California, USA
    Posts
    742

    Default Re: 3 step forward, 5 steps back... Sigh

    Sorry to hear that. You can rant. That's why we are all here, because we suffer the same problem. I can't say I was ever recovered maybe in remission. All I know is these past few months have been the hardest I've ever been through and I don't know why. You'll make it back. My mom was the one who helped me but since she's no longer here I can't have her support and encouragement to help me through my rough patches. I have to try and rely on my husband who thinks I'm a nutcase because of it.

    Don't beat yourself up over it, you did it once you can do it again. And if you have trouble we are always here.

 

 

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