So I've struggled with emetophobia for years and years and years, and I thought I was doing so well. I got over my hypochondria and OCD, am doing a lot better with my agoraphobia and social phobia, and I hadn't been as anxious about v*ing as I usually was. I managed to look at a drawing of someone v*ing with no anxiety, and I felt so proud of myself! I had norovirus and food poisoning within the past few weeks, and though I didn't v*, I didn't have extreme anxiety either.
Fastforward to yesterday. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone when he told me he was going to v*. I didn't freak out, just told myself to calm down and was mainly worried about how he was feeling. When he got back, he was shocked to find me normal instead of an anxious mess, and we both celebrated for how well I did.
But now.. I'm finding myself more anxious than ever. I've been super anxious all day, haven't eaten out of fear of getting ill, and have obsessed over what happened yesterday to an extreme degree. I'm finding myself descending into depression and that feeling that I will never get better from this, that no matter how hard I struggle against it, it will always come back. I feel like I always take three steps forward, but within a matter of time I will inevitably take five steps back.
I've tried everything. Therapy, EFT, medications, you name it, I've probably tried it. But nothing has worked. I had finally through sheer force of will and through the amazing aid of my boyfriend managed to overcome it little by little, but now I feel like I'm back at square 1. The hypochondria, OCD, germophobia, agoraphobia, social phobia... they've all been easy to treat of compared to this.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like with every little success there are a twice as many failures.
Sorry for the rant,
Moon