New on here and fed up!

[MrLondon]

Hi there,

I am new to these boards so just reading through. I just am so fed up now of this anxiety. I have known I hav had OCD since a teenager, I am now in my early 20s. I have had therapy for OCD and it did help and I try to remain mindful even if I still get stressed with it. Most of my OCD was germs but some superstitious and responsibility OCD.

My main fear of germs is mainly because I fear vomiting. The fear died down a bit but I have been sick a few times I think from norovirus in the last few years and I am now always terrified of norovirus. My job involves people and customer contact and I have, on a few occasions been exposed to people being ill. And whenever I do, I get such fear I start panicking, I want to cry, I wash my hands until they bleed but not in the same restroom as they have been in. I retrace my steps, when I get home antibacterial anything and everything I may have touched. But not in a precautionary normal way that takes 2 minutes. Even when doing this I still worry.

if I see someone who may hav norovirus I get so worried I obsess over everything, where I touch, if I came in contact etc etc.

Dont get me started on winter - I dread those sickness bugs going around so much I get depressed! It's getting me so down and worse thing is I know I can't change it!

Just down in the dumps about this today!

[DoctorWhoFan]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am new on here too, also in my twenties and have had OCD/emtophobia since ever I can remember, but it peaked in my early teens. My OCD centres around germs for the same reasons yours does, and I also have had experience of rituals/superstitions, although this is not currently an issue for me. My OCD has been very up and down depending on how well I am doing in my life. I think this is normal. I think that when life sweeps you up you can be just too busy enjoying life to worry sometimes and then out of nowhere it creeps back into your radar. My Mum told me to gather the tools I need to cope when the going is good so that I can use them when I am suffering and she was right. I know it is easier said than done but I do know it doesn't always feel so hard. On the other hand I have had times when I have honestly felt like life was just too difficult for me. Like everyone seems to cope but for me these simples challanges are too big. I have also been through stages of looking at myself and thinking pull yourself together freak, everyone else manages.

Some people do seem to get 'cured' but I haven't so far. What I can tell you is that even if no cure is to be found for you, you can take salvation in the good times of which I am sure there will be many. You are just in a low right now but remember lows are followed by highs. I have noticed my issues tend to follow a cycle. If I am bored they are worse but there also seems to be a pattern. I had my first major low at 11, the next at 17 and then again now at 26, with minor set-backs along the way and a constent underlying fear. I think those were all big transistion periods in my life which caused me to put my genuine life worries in big easy germ phobia. I was doing really recently, I moved to Asia which was a big thing for me. I don't eat properly here because I am worried about everything but I do enjoy life and think it has itself helped me to be less fussy. But just before Christmas a few things I saw started off the whole hand scrubbing, shoe disinfecting, avoiding public transport thing. I think this would have passed quickly were it not that I visited the UK this winter during the noro outbreak and spent three weeks longing for my 'clean asia'. After that I was out of control again but I have gotten over it before and I know I will this time.

As for the emteophobia, that is one thing I cannot mamage. I can live with the OCD coming and going in its usual fashion but the emetophia is always constant. I may be able to put the whole handwashing etc into line but if I feel ill or someone else is ill I cannot cope. After an argument with family during the noro crisis I decided I needed help for the sake of my loved ones rather than mine. I saw a hypnotherapist who also specialises in other forms of anxiety support. He told me CBT was unlikely to work in my case because my connection to the fear was too emotional so he tried NLP, hypnosis and tapping. I think they help but I did not stick with my 'homework' and have yet to find my cure. The tapping does help during a panick attack though and is a good method to try because it distracts you if nothing else. The hypnosis calms you down so even if there is no lasting outcome of the suggestions, you will be less prone to anxiety if you are a calmer person so I do recomend them.

I hope you feel better soon. Know that you are not alone.

[staystrongxx]

Hello! Sorry this is a late reply, but welcome! You are among friends here