Emetophobic Dad/Husband here

[emetdad]

I missed my son's graduation thanks to emetophobia and I feel like the biggest loser on the planet. I wanted to go, I wanted to see my son graduate, I'm so proud of him. I got ready, put on the suit and tie, and headed out. Didn't get too far before ALL the crazy overwhelming symptoms hit me full on and I couldn't - I just couldn't do it. In tears I turned around and went back home. A grown man crying because I couldn't push past my fear not even for such a big milestone in my son's life. What kind of parent misses their own kid's graduation because of a stupid fear of vomiting? That's more than not normal. That's seriously messed up.

I knew before this that my emetophobia was serious but missing my son's graduation, WOW, it hit me hard just how severe and out of control my fear's become. Eventually my son will marry and have children, will I miss those milestones too because on the most important days of my son's life I'm falling apart like a cheap suitcase? I'm a man, I should be able to suck it up and push through it and when I can't I feel like a piece of shit.

My wife always goes to things on her own because I'm either having panic attacks, or something's going on where I'm scared I might throw up, and lately I've started getting agoraphobic so venturing out has become its own unique problem. When does it end??? This is no way to live, this has got to stop!

[staystrongxx]

I'm so sorry you're suffering with this. When I graduated high school my Dad ended up sitting outside most of the time, for a reason I don't know but I do know it had something to do with his bipolar disorder. While I was very upset, and still resent it, I know he loves me, just..everyone has problems, and people need to realize that. Your son still knows you love him, and I'm sure you're a fantastic Dad. While I am sure he didn't like the fact that you didn't attend, I am also sure he understands. I am sure he knows you would have been there if you could. As for your wife, I feel as if she could maybe a little more supportive of you, encourage you to go places instead of just planning on going without you. I have a lovely support system, and trust me, having support makes all the difference. Living with this phobia is absolutely no way to live, but all of us will get through it, everyone on this site and everyone out there that hasn't found this site yet. Do you see a therapist? Maybe seeing a therapist and getting on some sort of anti-anxiety medication (if you believe in that) would be helpful to you, just so you can cope better. You can PM me if you'd like, and hopefully this message was a bit helpful and not towards the other direction!

[Valen*]

Feeling terrible for you! We all know what it's like.. I had agoraphobia for about 5 yrs and missed SO much. It really is a horrible way to live. But Its going to get better. It really sux u had to miss out on your son's graduation, but Im sure he isnt mad. & if he is now, he wont be forever. This is the worst phobia to have :/ It will be okay tho, things get better!

[Cynna]

HUGS. How old is he? Can you sit down and tell him what is wrong, why you missed it? Would he understand?

There is hope and recovery from emet Have you tried therapy or meds? I hear CBT is great

[KaydeeJayde]

I'm SO sorry you're going through such a tough time with this, it sounds really awful for you at the moment, but it really can get better! You've found a great group of people who will support you and help you and give you advice, so hopefully that will help you, and I second what Cynna said, maybe you should try some form of therapy? CBT is a godsend, it really is, it helped me immensely

[jmoore10]

I'm so sorry that you are in such a dark place with your emet and had to miss such an important milestone in your son's life. Can you and he go somewhere just the two of you as a belated celebration? Maybe try to take that opportumity to explain to him so he can try to understand?
please dont be so hard on yourself-you aren't a failure as a dad or less of a man. You are a person who happens to have a horrible phobia that can really jack with your mind to the point it feels debilitating. The good news is that you know you want better days for you and your family and it can happen! There are different types of help-many people here swear by CBT or anti-anxiety meds. I've not tried CBT but am considering looking into it myself.
Take care

[Teressa92]

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[Asil]

I would say try an ssri antidepressant which also work well on anxiety. Three months ago i couldnt leave the hoyse and when i did id run out of places because of my emet. It started to come on gradually over the course of 7 months and my stomach felt wrong i know now it was anxiety. Ive been on ssri's for 6 weeks and in the past three days ive improved so much. Ive driven 150 miles, been on public transport, been shopping on my own and of my own accord and been in busy pubs. I couldnt have done this a few weeks ago. Im even thinking about returning to work now after fourteen weeks signed off. I never wanted meds but i realised i needed help and without them i was only going to get worse. They have turned my life around and i am not obsessing about my emet because im getting out doing things and not worrying about leaving the house because of it. I found id obsess so much about what potentially might happen when i was out that id build up my anxiety so much i couldnt go out. Please get help from your doctor

[Teressa92]

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[sdd]

You've come to the right place for support! I think most of us here can relate. My anxiety got so bad after my 2nd child, that I couldn't do anything. I was frozen with fear. I went on an antidepressant and it helped so much. You can get better!

[andee]

Yes, we totally understand how incapacitating this fear can be. I missed being by my mother's bedside on her last day because of this stupid fear. It makes you do crazy things and act in ways you wouldn't otherwise. But yes, try to get some therapy, and meds really do help. Even an anti anxiety med just for these types of occasions. Good luck and hang in there Dad! Nice to have you here.

[SUM1]

Those of the sort of things I fear if I ever become a dad.

[Syrup]

I am so sorry for you! I have been there, not in the same way, but I've refused to let my kids participate in activities because of my fear that they will catch something. Your right, it is ridiculous and completely unacceptable, but unfortunately you need to remind yourself that it's a sickness. You aren't in control of your fears right now. The rational side of your brain knows that this is irrational, yet the fear which is out of control right now is speaking louder. Don't beat yourself up. Your son loves you and knows that you love him and because of that, you need to get this under control. Call a counselor and set up an appointment. I have one on my calendar, because, like you, I don't want to go another day depriving my kids of a normal childhood! I think about their wedding and grandkids and well and before that time I want to let go of this sickness in my brain. You CAN feel better, let that give you hope!!!! Do something special with your son and explain to him that you have this going on and because you love him so much you're going to do something to heal from it. Nobody thinks that you are a bad father, if you were you wouldn't care that you missed this event and you certainly wouldn't be beating yourself up so bad for it! Everything WILL be ok, this will be one of those time you look back on and think 'I am so glad that I'm not there anymore', but in the long run you have to believe that you will be a stronger man for it!

[emetdad]

Thanks so much for all the support. My son's 18 and the best kid on the planet. Of course he's disappointed but he said, "At least you tried Dad and I know you wanted to be there." The school recoreded the whole graduation and my son purchased a DVD for me to still be able to be part of it that way so we sat and watched it together, so I was able see see him get his diploma but I wasn't THERE when it happened you know?

I like the suggestion of doing something special with him just the two of us to celebrate. I'll have to think of something I'll actually be able to do without flipping out.

[scaredsick]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your son sounds like an awesome kid! That's great you got to watch it on the DVD with him, and great that he understood. Maybe use this (how you felt missing his graduation) to push you to try different avenues for help, ex: medication, new counselor, new type of therapy, etc. so this way you can be determined not to miss his wedding etc. by the way, I don't fault you...I almost bailed on my own wedding ceremony be wise I was so afraid I was going to vomit in front of everyone! I'm divorced now so maybe I shoulda bail (haha j/k!). Anyway, good luck and use this experience to better yourself!