Emetophobia & having children

[MelbEmetophobic]

Hello,

I'm new to this site & was hoping to start a discussion about emetophobia & having children.

I am a 30 year old female who has suffered from emetophobia for as long as I can remember, primary school is my earliest memory of the anxiety.

I myself have not been sick since primary school (touch wood), so my phobia is focused on other people being sick. I am now at the time in my life where I need to decide if I want to have children or not & my phobia is a huge deterrent as I have no idea how I would ever overcome it to be able to care for a sick child.

I have been able to live my life so far avoiding v* & v* related situations, however this isn't always going to possible which stresses me out.

I would love to hear from others who are in the same situation or have been.

Thanks

[Trish69]

Hi not sure if i can really help as when i had my 2 children my phobia was more controlled to what it is now. I worried if i would get morning sickness but i was lucky enough not to suffer. It was easier to find reason as to why they would get sick as babies but i find it so much harder now they are older i tend to let my husband deal with them but i feel like such a bad mum not to be there & help them cope but my kids understand why it was hard when they went to child care & school because as soon as they came home & told me someone had been sick in the class i would panic for days thinking they would get sick there are really no answers to give you except i can tell you all the good times out weigh the sick times i wish you well & hope this might have helped a little cheers :-)

[momof5]

Hi, I hope I can help some. I have extreme meet. and 5 children. Haven't v in like 27 years. Pretty bad huh? Well let me start by saying you could get morning sickness. It is different for everyone. You could just feel weird and n or some wan v. I never did but did feel sick a lot. Luckily for most it isn't thatbad. Not letting yourself get hungry help. Prenatals kinda do it to you so I would avoid them till 4 months. I did take a liquid that didn't bother me. Also your mindset changes a lot. Now you think about the baby all the time. Its was like I got a break from my phobia for a while. Came back when I felt sick and wasn't sure what was causing it, but not the same. And when you first get to see your baby, there's nothing like it in the world. Didn't vomit during labor either. Had 2 home births so no one was giving weird drugs that make you dizzy. Good luck in your decisions.

[Grace47]

I also have two school aged children. It is tough when they are sick. However, so far, I have handled it pretty well, I think. Remember, kids are only sick a few days a year most of the time. The fun days way outnumber the sick days. *hugs* I'm sure you'll do fine. There are many parents on this site who are dealing with it if you need support.

[gotta fight it]

I'm a single mother and my kids have been sick recently.. I get this overwhelming feeling to run away and then when I realise I can't it turns into an urge to clean absolutely everything.. And I mean everything. (Bedding, tables, doors, toilet, shower, lounges clothes benches, linen, floors ect...)I wash my hands very regularly and tell my kids to a swell... I even push them away at times. Only today my 5 year old had d* and my anxiety went flying.. She asked me why I was sad and I had to tell her that I didn't know how to explain it to her but that I was going to be ok. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to to is to tell my girl that.. I really worry that because I have emetophobia that my kids will end up with it to because it will come the way of life for them and I also worry that they will grow up feeling like I am not there for them as when they are ill I pull away from then.. This crushes me inside so much but to tell you the truth, as much as when they are sick I would prefer to not have kids lol, I love them so much and with out them I don't know what I would do... The few sick days each year are totally worth it to have they rest of the year happy and healthy with them. The smiles, laughter games fun and the amazing things they do and learn every day majorly over weighs the v* and d*.... I really hope this has not scared you cause that would be the opposite of my intentions. Don't let the fear stop you from being a mummy!!!!!!!! It's all well worth it I promise!!!!!!!
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[Syrup]

I would highly suggest that you get some counseling before you make any big decisions. As the above posters said, the good outweighs the bad 100 times over! You should enjoy every moment and not let your phobia get in the way, even better, get rid of it before having kiddos. I was always a little 'weirded out' by v*, but my phobia has been in overdrive since having my second. I am finally getting some counseling so that I can get this under control for me and for them!

That being said, it sounds like you are one of those lucky people who have a blood type that is more immune to tummy stuff. If that's the case, there's a really good chance your kids will be the same. My friend's children NEVER get ill and she has 4 in big public school. I am jealous! HA!

[Camanja05]

My son is 3 months old. I made it through pregnancy without doing it! Now there were days when I felt like it was going to happen, but that could have been my anxiety. He was worth it, but I must say that my phobia is worse since having him. Think about it a while before you make a decision. I will tell you this though, there is no greater feeling in the world than becimg a mother. I'm trying not to let it ruin the best time of my life, but it's tough! I have faith that you will make the right decision for yourself!

[joubes]

The fact that I am at the point in my life where I want children is actually the main reason I joined here. Seeing my close friends with newborns and what they go through isn't helping at all, so I'm looking for options. I'm male, so obviously morning sickness and pregnancy aren't things I'll ever be able to relate to. It's more being confident that I can care for my wife if she gets morning sickness badly (which she and I are both expecting to happen - she's got a weak stomach), and being able to care for my kids in those specific times that most of us fear. I don't have anything to contribute, but this topic interests me the most.

[Meganx2]

I have had emet for as long as I can remember. I would say its severe. I have been pregnant twice the first pregnancy nothing but the second I was so nausuas but I was able to take Zofran. It helped tremendously! As for them being sick I am usually terrified but I know I have to be there and be brave because there isnt another option. I freak out for a few days and then its over with. Like many people said above me it happens so seldomly and good happens often!

[MelbEmetophobic]

Thank you all so much for your advice and support, I really appreciate it

As awful as I feel this phobia is, I'm so glad to read about others coping with it and not letting it stop them achieving what they want, it gives me hope.

At this point in my life, there are a couple of things stopping me from committing to having children, but the main reason is my phobia, I just feel stupid admitting it to people. I honestly can never see myself being a person that would be able to cope with v* or v* related situations, particularly as I have never really addressed my phobia, I've always just run and hid. My friends who don't have this phobia, say that things will change when I have children, but I'm so scared that my phobia would become worse and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend is very supportive and says that he would look after the child or children if they were sick, although I have to be realistic that this may not be possible...he would be at work, I would be the primary carer for the child.

A few years ago I sought tome counselling for my phobia before going on an overseas trip. I saw a psychologist and I'm not sure if she had treated someone with emetophobia before. We started by talking through some things and graduated to me having to watch youtube videos of people v*ing while she monitored my heart rate and told me ways to deal with my anxiety. I'm not sure if this is common practice, but I found it traumatic and to this day, I NEVER stick around if someone is going to v*. Has anyone else had any other type of counselling or treatment?

I agree that the good would outweigh the sick and bad times with children, but I have this awful habit of remembering and not being able to let go of situations where I've seen v* and I'm fearful that this would be the case with children and it's not their problem, it's mine.


Again, thanks for being open to this conversation I wish I had found this support system years ago, rather than feeling like I was the only person in the world with this widely considered ridiculous phobia.

[Erin80]

I thought a lot about the whole vomiting fear before I had my kids. At times, it stopped me from wanting them. However, I kept in mind that most likely, they'd be sick a lot less than they'd be healthy.....and I wasn't going to let vomiting stop me from having a family. I thankfully didn't have morning sickness to the point of throwing up, but I did have nausea, which I asked for medication for. My first daughter didn't get her first tummy bug until she was over 3 years old. I now have 3 daughters (just had our last baby 5 1/2 weeks ago). We have had 3 stomach flus now, I have caught 2/3, but I didn't throw up with either....just had fever and body aches with the last one, and nausea and sore stomach with the one before that. I am SUPER careful when they are sick. I wash my hands constantly, I don't eat with my hands (meaning no toast, sandwiches,etc.....I only eat things that require cutlery and I don't touch my food), I eat lightly for about a week while the flu is in the house so that if I do get it, there isn't a ton in my stomach. I take an anti nausea pill when I feel my stomach starting to feel off. I bleach everything. I keep my 4 1/2 in her room or the basement while she's throwing up, then 24 hrs after if I can (my husband deals with her throwing up if he's home - he stays with her either in her room or in the basement where there is a bed, tv, bathroom, etc....it's like an apartment down there!). My husband knows that I will deal with absolutely anything else, but if he's home and they're throwing up, it's his job. He has no issues with vomit, or with vomiting himself, so he's ok with our deal thankfully!

Don't let the phobia stop you. They really are healthy way more and they are more likely to get a cold over the stomach flu. My daughter started school last September - she had numerous colds, pink eye twice, strep throat twice......and THEN the stomach flu last - she went to school for 5 months before getting a stomach virus.

[Aspie Grrrl]

Personally, my emet is the main reason I'll never have kids. I don't really WANT them anyway, but that really cements it for me.

It comes down to how badly you want kids and how willing/able you are to give them the best life possible. If you have a supportive partner who understands your phobia, it will be much easier. Some people report that their emet gets BETTER after having kids while others aren't changed by it.

You should definitely seek professional help regarding your phobia and this major life decision. I'm inclined to say "don't let the fear control your life," but for some of us more severe emets, having kids would not be a good decision (for our own mental health if nothing else). That's probably a minority of us though.

[emet-ana]

Hi Melbemetophobic,

I have always wanted children so even though my emetophobia and OCD is so bad that I'm facing a 6 month hospitalization at this point (I barely leave my house) I am definitely not going to give up hope of having kids in the future.

If you want to have children then seek out as much help as you can for this phobia and don't leave it too late

[TryingToBeBrave]

If you really want kids, then don't let emet stop you. if you decide you really don't, then that's ok too. i have actually become less emet after having kids. there are so few days when they have any v*...not even every year, so there is more healthy time than sick. what i have done when they are sick is make them a little bed on an inflatable mattress (easily cleaned) and rubbed their backs. there are ways you can comfort them without having them extremely close to you, if that makes sense. when they did eventually get noro, my dh and i only got d*. think about it all you need to. it isn't an easy decision i know.