Advice Im Upset

[ilsonchick]

I need advice on my boyfriend i know its not about throwing up but i really am upset about stuff and need someone to talk to.


My boyfriend and i have been together for 16 months now and he does know about my condition. Hes being really funni wit me at the moe, and i want to know should i dump him or keep on trying.


He told me last night that he cant be arsed to make an effort any more with our relationship as he comes round my house and expects an arguement all the time. Now, because of Emeta nd depression that i have i do sometimes get snappy but i always apologize afterwards.


He says he gets bored with the same old stuff that we do everyday and that he never has any suggestions on what we can do at weekend or in the evenings ect... Im the one who wants to get engaged to him but hes said no. I know i might be young but ive wanted to settle down for many years.


Do you think i should make a really big effort be really nice and carry on being unhappy or dump him? Dont forget i have no friends to turn to and to go out with


This weekend we arrangedto go out to the cinema tonight then i rang himtoday at work and he said "oh im going out with my mates clubbing all night tonight and i wont be coming back to yours ill be going home" even when hed arranged totake me out tonight? i mean is thatwrong and ignorant or is that justme being a control freak being unhappy hes going out?


Sarah xxx

[swiftette]

That was really rude of him.Tell me a little about YOU.Why do you say you have no freinds?You must have some people that have mutual intrests that you could hang with. And what are YOUR goals and things that interest you? That is what I'd be thinking about right now. Focusing on you. Then everything else will come into focus. Including guys.

[ilsonchick]

Im not being big headed but i totally agree with you. I try to think about myself because no one else does but when i do this i get called selfish so i cant win!


If i told you my life story then it would upset you all. I have been rejected by both my parents when they got deivorced and found new partners they totally butted me out called me names and told me they cant wait to get rid of me. I live with my mum because i have no choice. I dont have friends to live with or a job to move out. The reason i dont have mates is cause of depression and emet and not having a job. I dont go out nor work so i dont meet people. Everyone from school who i knew moved on to univesity or moved in with there bfs ect.. so never stayed in contact. My last jobs have all been working with married old men so u cant go out for a night out with them. I have no goals. I wanted to be a police woman but emet stopped this along with depression. The depression stemmed from my parents treating me like crap. Vicious circle!


I dont know what i want to do in life now career wise and hobbies cost money or involve going out or involve going with mates which i dont have any of!


Sick and tired of it --------- my bf went out tonight cancelled our plans and then had the cheek to tell me to leave door unlocked cause his mams loked him out for the night so he cant go back to his own place! whatta user! So tonight im all alone on my own bored and upset and seriosuly p****** off!


sarah xxEdited by: ilsonchick

[shiva]

I think he's being an inconsiderate ass. I don't think it should be all up to you to take the crap in the relationship and to do all the work to keep it together yourself. It kind of sounds like maybe you need to take some time and learn about who you are. Maybe find out what hobbies would interest you. Don't be so focused on settling down with a guy. Figure out what you would like to do professionally and love will come when it's meant to be. Don't just hang out with losers because youdon't get along withyour parents and don't want to be bored and alone. I know emet is challenging, so it's hard to get out there and work on yourself. Are you presently in therapy for your emet? That might be a good first move for getting your life on track. Does any of this make sense? Or, did I take your post wrong?


All I know is that when I was younger, my family life was very messed up and I clung on to a guy (who I later married, had a child with, and divorced) and let him make all the rules in the relationship, allowed him to walk on me and didn't spend time with my friends or take time to do well in school or focus on hobbies. I had no idea what I wanted to be "when I grew up", I just wanted to get married and be taken care of by him. Looking back, I have huge regrets. I wish I would have had someone I trusted to explain to me that I was worth much more than that as a young girl.

[ilsonchick]

I can totally relate to what your saying but im scared to break it off in fear of being lonely and heart broken. I suppose i do cling on to him only because id be lonely with out him this is sick i know but what can i do? if i get sick or feel sick no one will be there for me anymore what can i do?


I have therapy but its s** i have it once a month and it doesnt help they talk more about pills than helping me what can i do? help!!!

[shiva]

Wow.. you're in a really s***ty situation. Can you try a new place for therapy by chance?


It would be hypocritical for me to sit here and tell you that you have to break it off because it's exactly what I should have done, but didn't do. I was 17 when I married my daughter's dad. We were married for 6 mos. before I became pregnant. I didn't realize how retarded the relationship was and how inconsiderate he was until there was a family involved. Very unfortunate situation. What do you do then? I was with him from the time I was 14 until I was 23. We divorced when our daughter was 4. I was the very same way, though. My family had disowned me and all I had was his family. His mother was like a mom to me and he was always "there" for me when I was sick. I didn't ever want to be alone. I tried to consume every moment of his life because I was so lonely. I ended up moving in with his family when I was 16 and it just made sense that we would get married, I guess. Anyway.. I knew I was afraid to be alone or without him because he and his family was all I knew.


Just do some soul searching. I am sorry you are having to go through this kind of stuff. Trust me when I say I know how it feels, though. I wish I could give you the strength to do what I should have done when I was young.

[ilsonchick]

Now i have read your experience you have gave me more confidence not to tolerate this s*** from him no more and wreck my life getting married to him (which i was planning on doing)


Thanks so much hun xxx

[Jenneh]

Hey Sarah, i'm sorry it's taken me quite a while to get my ass onto here!


Recently i have broken up with my boyfriend too. He started geting a funny at the fact i couldn't travel up to London to see him every week... a long distance relationship isn't very good when emets are concerned....


In my opinion he was asking too much from me, he wanted me to feel the empty void in his life which i can't do whilst being controlled by emet e.t.c. I need some space to do some proper therapy and move my life out of this rut before i think of relaitonships.


and thats what i think you should do. you say u have therapy once a month and it's useless..... can u arrange something else? something that WON'T be useless and might actually help you to think more positively, and go places, do things, therefore get friends, get rid of the depression, and be able to sink into a relationship without having nthing holding u back?


If you're unhappy at the way he's treating you (which i think you should be) then no, i wouldn't make the effort to stay with him. You deserve more than that.
you deserve happiness. And hang on and one day u will get it. I am sure.


PM me if u ever need to talk.


Jen xxxx

[wintergreen22]

I think you should break up with him. there are a lot A LOT a Lot of boys out there that i'm sure are way better but it just takes a while for us to find them. I'm afraid that once I start dating again I'll bore my boyfriend cause the only thing that seems safe to do is stay home. But i'm sure there has to be SOMEONE out there that will make me feel safe enough to hang out with him outside of my home or a friend's house.

[ilsonchick]

Thanks everyone for your advice. Over the weekend i have spoken to him and he has been hot and cold this weekend ending the weekend with being really nice to me. Hes just told me that he gets bored with the same things with do hence him just arranging to go out with his mates with out telling me about it. Do you think itd healthy to see your man everyday>? I mean u would see him everyday if you were married to him. I havent got a problem with seeing him everyday i like it (not just because i have no on else to hang around with) im gonna give it one last chance so what can i do to make him more interested in me? Any suggestions?





Sarah xxx

[wintergreen22]

I don't think it has anything to do with you trying to be more interesting so you can please him. If he doesn't like who you are or understand than I still think you should leave him. Yes, you would be lonely for a bit but you can always make friends. I think it is healthy to see your man everyday but both of you should also take breaks from each other. Its also healthy to live your own life. If he can't accept what you do for fun and what you like to do then there are other fish in the sea. It sounds like your afraid to be alone and lonely. But trust me, you'll meet people (including boys) sooner or later. and if thats an actually picture of you, youre pretty so you shouldn't have any problems attracting them.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]but i still think you should get out and make friends

[ilsonchick]

aww thanks so much! trouble is he says he wants to see me every day then she says he dont! so bloody confusing! I hope i find the right man soon because im sick of looking and i cant wait to settle down i might be young but its all that i want it would make me so happy

[Jenneh]

no sarah i don't think u shud change how u r to be interesting for him. You are who you are and you cannot change that. there wil be a man out there interested in who u r only.


xxx

[wintergreen22]

i think EVERYONE our age is tired of looking for the right man... I know I am. I can't find one that I actually want to put up with....they can be so stupid at times. and I agree with Jenneh, don't change who you are. cause then you will evenutually end up breaking up with him, meeting someone else and wanting to change who you are all over again. Life is way to short not to know who you reeally are and what truely makes you happy to keep changing for other people. If you do, you'll look back and think its a big mistake. But for now I think you should find out what you really want in life and discover more about yourself, and I still think you should dump him[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]