Me again...more negative thought ?s

[kel12347]

Ever since my horrible psychiatrist visit a week ago and the resulting panic attacks, I've noticed that my negative thoughts have gotten worse. Instead of "What if I get sick?" my thoughts are now "I'm going to get sick right now." My new thoughts are much stronger than the old ones. I've had some of these thoughts before, of course, but they seem to be really prevalent this week.


My therapist is on vacation until next week, so that may account for some of the higher anxiety, and I've stepped up exposure therapy a bit as well. But what should I do about these thoughts? I can generally work through the what if ones, because I know that I'm just catastrophizing, but with the thoughts telling me that I'm going to get sick RIGHT NOW....they just paralyze me with fear. Any suggestions?


edited to add: Do you think that my brain is figuring out that the what-ifs are starting to lose power, and my brain is thinking of other ways to get the fear response going...thus leading to this "You're going to vomit now!" thought?Edited by: kel12347

[crystalmom]

I've noticed that during panic attack I sometimes have "graduated" to the "I am going to.." versus the "what if's" as well. I think thst sometimes we are so worked up and so anxious that we don't hear the "what if's" anymore we only hear the "I am's". Honestly though, the only thing I can suggest is this....if you hear yourself saying those things, say to yourself "ok, so what if I do?'. My mom always has said that. I would phone her and tell her that I was going ot v* and she would say "so what will happen if you do". I would then think, well, I will either run to a bathroom or outside. I never thought to myself that if I do v* I will die right then and there. Sometimes I think that if you play the other card, it will calm you.


Remember too, you can't physically v* during a panic attack, it is against our natural physical reactions to stress. Fight or flight. If we did v* during a real emergancy (someone is chasing you, ect) do you think that would be good if we really did v*? Nope, physically it is not possible. Remind yourself that while having an attack. I know it is hard, b/c I don't take my own advice during one, but maybe hearing it from someone else will help.


I hope that you get through this yucky time, and you come out stronger and better equipped than before. Keep posting!


Crystal

[nobodyknowsit]

I just have a question..if you can't vomit during a panic attack, then how do emets ever vomit? i mean, if someone has emet, aren't they panicking while it happens? I know i do! My biggest panic attacks were/are while im v*ing?...so how is that true?..just something i thought about..

[kel12347]

Question for Sage: Over the last week, the negative thoughts have been getting completely out of control. I've been challenging them, but the only way I can function is if I constantly run interference in my brain with my affirmations. Is this normal? Is it supposed to get this bad before it gets better? Will it get better, or is it just getting worse? Did this happen to you? I've also beenextremely depressed the last few days, crying constantly, suicidal thoughts (but no plan). Do you think I should go on an SSRI, or would that inhibit progress in my exposure therapy? Thanks so much, I'm at my wits' end. Edited by: kel12347

[sage]

Kel,


I'm not sure what's going on with you right now, and the answers to your questions could go either way. Without meeting and talking with you face to face, I just don't know. The best person to consult is your therapist.


As a general response, yes, it often does "get worse before it gets better". I had weeks during my intensive year of therapy when I was worse than I was long before the therapy began. But I stuck with it, and when it "calmed down" I was waaaaaay better than ever before. Nevertheless, it was scary at the time.


Of course, it is also possible to retraumatize oneself with "exposure". This would fit into the "getting worse" category.


As for SSRIs - that's a call you and your doctor will have to make. Lots of phobics have messed-up chemicals in their brains, (which is sort of a "forever" thing) and an SSRI really does the trick, and helps a lot. Taking an SSRI won't mess up your exposure therapy at all. But if you ever decide you may want to go off them (which isn't really necessary, but some people have a "thing" about being on medication) then you will need to go back to, or still be in - therapy...and work on exposure without them.


I wish you well. Keep addressing the problem in a positive way, as you have been! And talk to your health-care professional, ok?

[kel12347]

Thanks, Sage! I think I finally hit rock bottom last night. I heard something fall in the garbage can in the bedroom, where my boyfriend was sleeping. I then took the dog outside, came back in, and thought I smelled vomit. I completely lost it, and went to a hotel. I call my boyfriend, and it turns out that he didn't get sick at all. So now I'm hallucinating? Wonderful. I talked to my therapist's supervisor, and got some tips for dealing with the negative thoughts. I think, though, that I have hit rock bottom. I'm just about ready to commit myself. Thank god my therapist will be back tomorrow. Sadly enough, I'm feeling somewhat better today, even after last night's fiasco.

[sage]

Hey Kel,


It's not really 'sad' that you're feeling better...sometimes one does have to hit rock bottom to get some relief from the anxiety. Your therapist returning will help. I think you've just had too much overwhelming stuff in a row, with no breathing room. I remember those days. Honestly, I did the same thing. Even the hotel...once when one of my kids just ...looked pale or something crazy like that. I just lost it.


Anyway, the truth is that the cure lies in conquering it little by little...not big whopping pieces that are just too much, as you've had to deal with lately. "This too shall pass"...and then you'll be able to get back to a treatment program...and then the next time big stuff happens...it won't be so bad to take.

[kel12347]

I'm feeling a bit better after seeing my therapist. We're putting exposure therapy on hold, at least until my next appointment (Tuesday), and I'm working on just getting rid of the negative thoughts. The negative thoughts, though, are really scary. I've been telling them to stop, and that I'm choosing not to participate in them, and then I'm doing my affirmations. Hopefully it will help. I've noticed a slight improvement, but I'm having to do the "stop" thing about 100 times a day, which is kind of time consuming. Whatever it takes to get better, though. My therapist thinks that this setback is due to stress. I've got a long way to work back up to where I was though. I'm back to the point where I'm afraid to eat and brush my teeth (although I'm still doing both, but the eating part still needs some improvement).


My thought is that if I keep stopping the negative thoughts, they will eventually go away or at least decease quite a bit. That will go a long way towards alleviating my anxiety. Then, of course, I wil have to work on the fear. I never thought therapy was going to be this hard.


edited to add:


I'm also thinking about adding a couple of steps to my exposure hierarcy (with my therapist's approval of course). Sage, do you think that it would be helpful for me to attend some kind of eating disorders support meeting (specifically bulimia) as part of exposure, so I can alleviate my anxiety about people talking about vomiting?


Also, on the "Emetophobia for Professionals' article you wrote, will that hierarchy that you used (I'm using a slightly altered version) take care of fear of myself vomiting? Even the top step is geared towards others vomiting, and at this point I am not willing to vomit to get over this. Are there any other steps I can add to get rid of the fear of myself vomiting? That's mostly where my fear lies, except when things get really bad, then I fear others vomitng, the dog vomiting, and hundreds of other things. (I'm currently afraid of garbage cans, because I fear that seeing one will make me vomit...I know that it won't, but my irrational brain likes to tell me otherwise....hmmmm...maybe exposure therapy to garbage cans and toilets would be a good idea).


Thanks so much for hanging out on this site to help everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.Edited by: kel12347

[sage]

Even though I thought I only feared others vomiting, at the root of it was the fear that if I saw someone do it, I would be sick myself. Once I conquered the fear of others, the anxiety in general subsided. It is only when I actually feel sick (you know - once every 10 or 20 years for like half an hour) that I start to get a bit anxious...which hey - I can cope with that, right? When I finally got sick, I was anxious for a short time [but not really badly like before] and then it was over and I was ok, and sort of proud of myself. So who could ask for more, really...


I don't think it's necessary to vomit oneself as part of treatment. I'm quite adamant about this, actually. Therapists just don't understand this phobia because they don't have it! If you force yourself to vomit AND you are anxious at the same time, the two will only be further imprinted in your brain. There is no point to this kind of treatment. The point is a GOOD outcome, after the reduction of anxiety. I liken this approach to telling someone afraid of heights that they must jump off a ladder and just slightly bruise themselves in order to not fear heights. Or those with histories of sexual abuse must have sex with someone without their consent in order to get over their anxiety. RIDICULOUS! So is suggesting that emetophobes make themselves sick. Sick! How idiotic!