Please someone help me

[Gabbymeeske]

As I said in my most recent thread, I am finding myself on this more and more. I can't watch myself deteriorate again and live in constant fear of throwing up. I have relapsed before, but haven't in about 3 years.. I've done so well until my boyfriend and I of a year broke up. I know it may not seem long but when you spend every second together for a whole year it seems like a lifetime. Anyways, I just feel so desperately lost and consumed by fear, enxiety an pain. My love is gone and he was truly my comfort to this phobia. I know horrible it was to let someone or something that isn't permanent be my crutch, comfort etc. but it happened regardless and now that he is gone I'm left with nothing but my thoughts and fears that are so consuming. I don't sleep anymore ever it's currently 6:35 am and I have not been to sleep. I ... I cannot find a estate of relief other than the daytime occasionally if I'm with my friends or family or some physical contact but when I'm left alone at night with my thoughts that's when they get out of control and I stay up until morning. I hate this cycle and all these bad habits I've accumulated over the time my ex and I have been apart which is almost 2 months. I have wasted 2 months of my life being sad, lonely and consumed by my phobia. I can't let it do this to me anymore I am so fed up with it that I could scream! I cannot stop the thoughts. I think about my ex what could've, should've, would've been and I feel sick or get anxious and automatically gain my fear back and then I stay up all night trying to cope with it while feeling very lonely at the same time because who stays up all night?! So that ultimately will lead to my depression which I feel is coming and I don't want it to happen. I will do anything to just stop this so if anyone has some advice, thoughts, encouragements that'd be really much appreciated. Thanks

[KellyC]

I wish I knew how to help. Have you thought that maybe your pain from the breakup is so severe that you are focusing on these negative thoughts about emet because it's less painful? The only thing I know to tell you is to take your courage in your hands (I KNOW you have courage - any emet that is living a fairly normal life abounds with it) & find new hobbies & activities to help you move in new directions and stop focusing on your pain & fear. Also, volunteering is a good activity, because you will be focusing on helping others, & have less time to focus on your own pain. Helping others is the best way I know of to take you out of yourself, out of your own head. Perhaps at night, when you are alone, you could listen to soothing music as you fall asleep, or read something that comforts you. Have you considered (if you work) getting a night job? That way, you are busy all night, and when you are alone & getting ready for bed during the day, your friends and/or family will be awake to give you the support you need. Whatever you do, do NOT transmute your pain into a relapse of emetophobia. If you have licked it, you are doing far better than a lot of us. DON'T allow it to come back. Comedy is another good distraction - laughter always helps. Try watching some of the comedians on Comedy Central Presents or something. Best of luck to you, and don't be reading the forums except for research or to get support like you may get by asking for it. I have had to stop reading them because they seemed to make things worse hearing that it was everywhere. I'm only here now for research purposes in order to try to get information out there to get us all some more help....there's far too little of it. I hope I've given you some options, and that everything works out well for you. I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but if so, prayer can often bring comfort, even if all you can start out doing is saying "Please, God..." over & over again until you calm down enough to formulate your prayers. You will be in mine.

[chixy]

I'm sorry about the breakup, we all know it sucks to be heartbroken! It will get better though, and it doesn't take as long as you think. I think the key to getting over a breakup is to keep yourself entertained and just do whatever you want without thinking about it too much. If you want to eat 50 donuts then hell, EAT 50 DONUTS. If cleaning makes you happy, then clean. You get my point! Listen to happy music and if you want, listen to the same song over and over and over if it makes you happy. Music like One Direction and artists like that is typical upbeat happy music just try to prove to yourself that you can have fun and that you're fine even if you're single. Hang out with your friends, have sleepovers and go to the movies and have picnics and go to the beach and just enjoy it! In the beginning it will probably just suck and you'll be super bored but after a while you'll get so distracted by what you're doing you'll have fun anyway. And suddenly you'll be like "hey look, I'm actually fine! Wow!" And yeah
And if you stay up all night, that's okay too. Don't get anxious about it. If you're staying awake all night, try to spend the time doing something you enjoy. Like reading or writing or painting and things like that, that occupy your kind. And listen to music!! Seriously, music is a life saver. Just don't listen to songs that remind you of him. I was a real masochist after my last breakup and I spent a month listening to a song that me and my ex had listened to and I just sat there crying and yeah I don't know why I put myself through that!
I think it's amazing that you have such an understanding for your whole situatio and I really do believe it will make it easier. You know why you're anxious again and you know he was your comfort. You just need to prove to yourself that you can be your own crutch, which you can! And if you feel like you can't be your own crutch right now, go to a friend. If they're not emets they will obviously not understand but they will definitely do their best to help you anyway. Remember that you are not alone, you have friends and family and you have this whole forum