Hi guys. I am a new member. I am really sorry if there were some links I could've/should've clicked on that answered this.

I just need to vent this somewhere and get it off my chest.

But I just don't know what to do anymore. Every time I come across v*, I really do want to kill myself. I don't understand why it is this bad but it always has been. I've had this fear since 1st grade (I am now a senior in high school) and never has anyone every tried to help. People normally respond by fake gagging around me to get a reaction. That is until they realize that I either panic or get extremely violent. I once broke a mirror on my wall because my brother tried and failed to show me someone v* on tv. And there was another time I threatened to kill myself. I just cannot control it. It's almost as if I turn into another person.

My dad and my brother (only people I live with) just make fun of me without understanding that it is my biggest fear. Put that on top of the fact that I am only 17 so I am just seen as a crybaby.

I refuse to go any exposure therapy, because I know it will only traumatize me. But I am running out of options. My fear is of OTHERS v* and not me.

I rarely even leave my house anymore because of it. I don't go to movies or watch certain shows. I refuse to go to places where I have no way of exiting if someone ever v*, I sometimes contemplate missing school just in case someone is sick.

I can't take it anymore and I am losing hope. Please tell me what I should do