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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Sydney, Australia.
    Posts
    562

    Default 19 and my parents won't let me stay with my boyfriend?

    Unrelated to Emetophobia but I've seen people reach out for other things on this site so I thought I'd do the same.



    My boyfriend is turning 21 and we're all going out for dinner and then out afterwards. His parents have booked him a hotel room for the night as his birthday present and because it's easier for him to stay the night as oppose to going home as it is quite some distance.
    I want to stay the night with him and my parents say I can make my own decision but that they will be extremely disappointed in me if I stay with him. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex and don't plan on having sex on this night- he is extremely respectful of me and hasn't ever pressured me to do anything, and even if he did I'm pretty sure I could handle it myself.
    My parents obviously have thought the worst and think he will push me into having sex. Personally, I don't see the big deal even if we did have sex, like who cares? If it's with the right person and feels right then it shouldn't be an issue... I'm not planning on it anyway.

    I really want to go with my boyfriend but my parents will guilt trip me for as long as they can remember this. I'm very close with my parents but I don't want them to see me differently. Every time we try to talk about it I just get frustrated at their unreasonableness. I don't want to go against their will but I just want to be with my boyfriend.

    Am I really that bad for wanting to stay one night with him? Am I blowing it out of proportion or are they really actually being unreasonable?

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,631

    Default Re: 19 and my parents won't let me stay with my boyfriend?

    I don't live in your home and I don't know your history with your family, but IMO yes. I think it's just hard for them to see their little girl as a grown up. I know it would be hard for me. However, you are at the age when these things tend to happen and you are no longer in high school, so even though I might shed a tear or two, I will probably expect that when my girls are your age.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    2,915

    Default Re: 19 and my parents won't let me stay with my boyfriend?

    Was in similar situation. I did spend the with bf in hotel and did not have sex. Thought parents were unreasonable. I was 20.

    Some parents would get mad and be over it in a few days. Some may make your life miserable for months or more on end.

    You are at the age where you should be able to make your own decisions. Living at home and having your parents financially support to some extent either by rent or more makes it complicated.

    If you do decide to go sounds like there could be drinking involved. Even if no drinking, sometimes just kissing and being alone can lead to more than planned. I strongly recommend taking condoms or something with you to prevent pregnancy in case things go farther than you planned.

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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,258

    Default Re: 19 and my parents won't let me stay with my boyfriend?

    I would be extremely frustrated. I am 20 and basically allowed to go where I want & do what I want. I am sexually active & my parents know that and do not care as long as I stay on the pill. Reason being, they trust my boyfriend.

    However, my boyfriend is 23 years old and his parents won't let him stay out overnight anywhere and try to be very controlling, but he can usually find a way to worm his way out of it (not the overnight thing though, sadly).

    It depends on culture and how much trust parents have in you and your partner, IMO. My family is white and very liberal, I have dyed hair, piercings, very open about sexual things, etc.

    My boyfriend's family is Mexican and his parents are very old fashioned Mexican. They do not approve of piercings, dyed hair, sex in their house, birth control, etc.

    I would sit down with my parents and have a rational conversation with them. Explain to them that you are NOT planning on having sex with your boyfriend, just want to spend the night with him on his birthday.

    I would most likely go anyway. I know it's hard, but everyone has to grow up.


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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Warner Robins GA
    Posts
    227

    Default Re: 19 and my parents won't let me stay with my boyfriend?

    You are old enough to make your own decisions, but boyfriends can come and go...parents you are stuck with. I had a great relationship with mine and never wanted to disappoint them. If your boyfriends loves and respects you like you say, maybe just hang out for a bit then go home. You still get to spend some time with him, but also don't make your parents mad. That's just what I would do, you are of age to make your own choices.

 

 

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