My poor wife ended up v*ing a couple of times this morning around 2am from what she believes was a touch of fp*. Upon arriving at work, her boss said the same exact thing had happened to her, but they both feel mostly ok today (they had gone out to lunch together yesterday, further solidifying the thought that it might have been mild fp*). Meanwhile I’m sitting here at work, unable to focus, feeling like a waste of a human being. I ended up having an anxiety attack last night a little worse than usual. I did the usual plugging my ears and waiting for the hallway light to turn off, signaling that she was out of the bathroom and coming back to bed. I get the racing heart and sometimes I’ll start shaking a little while I know it’s happening, but when it’s over, usually I calm down pretty quick. It lasted a little bit longer for some reason last night and I was still shaking when she came back to bed. This was the first time she’d ever seen that happen. She kept on telling me everything was ok and apologizing and asking if there was anything she could do. She had just been sick, feels awful, and she’s apologizing to me! Seriously?! I felt like complete dirt and I still do, knowing that she was sick and she was more worried about me. She’s fully aware of my emet and has always been understanding. I know she had absolutely no intention of making me so angry at myself by apologizing, but I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why it took me so long to calm down last night, but she was worried having lived together for over 6 years and never seeing that reaction before. She was even asking if she was too loud or if it was different in some way. I needed to be taking care of her and just the opposite was happening. It’s so absolutely freaking ridiculous. I called her today making sure she was ok, but I’m so embarrassed about last night that I didn’t even bring it up. I know she’s worried and she’ll want to discuss it later, and I realize how lucky I am to have someone so understanding, but I’m really not looking forward to it, nor do I even know what to say.

Sorry, had to rant.