This world is wrong...

[Ana Bellini]

All wrong. All wrong. All wrong. My life is a one way walk to hell. They want to kill me, want to see me suffer, and when I don't bend, they hurt me more. They won't stop, no matter what I do, and I'm doomed to live the rest of my life with them. They will never let go of me.

I need to go. When life gets to this point, there's nothing else to do. They will yell at you, torture you and finally, abandon you. When you think it can't get any worse, they find a way to make it happen.

Maybe when I stop fighting it, it will get better. Kill this useless girl. Selfish, hypocrite, rude, idiot, arrogant people shouldn't be around, neither should I am. It's better to have one big mistake than having lots of middle ones.

It's too dark and too cold to step away from misery.

[andee]

Wait, what's going on??? Are you okay??

[Ana Bellini]

No. I'm not ok. I was never ok. My life is what is going on. They abandoned me. Abandoned the possibility I might want to get better.

[andee]

Is it your family? Your parents? Sorry, but you need to fill us in a little more...

[Grace47]

Who are they? Is your mom around? If you're feeling this way you need to tell your parents or your aunties or anyone you love. I'm sure the people that love you only want to help and make things better. I don't know what dark cloud you are under, but I hope things get much better soon.

I don't know of anyone who thinks you are any of those things, Ana. I'm so sorry you feel this way.

[nagisa]

No one wants to see you suffer Ana. I know life is difficult and I know you have been through things that no one should be allowed to go through. It's unfair, right?
No one is perfect and we all have our trials and errors. But please don't give up. As clichè as it sounds there is light at the end of the tunnel- I DEFINITELY believe there is help out there for you. I have been in a very dark place once, and at that time I felt like there was nothing worth living for. But if you hang in there, take the hands that are offered to you and remember the things that are important you will be able to make it. I want you to be strong, I know you can be.

I'll be here for you if you need someone. The reason I haven't answered on Facebook is because I am sick too (you know that, I hope you don't think I dislike you, I care about you)

P.S. Just because I know the "other you" doesn't make me dislike you. Many hugs if you like

[Ana Bellini]

They are everyone, they are everywhere. I think they are going to make me suffer because of this thread. They already have.

I don't love anyone, Grace47. I'm unable to. They don't love me as well, never did, they just want me to leave, they even have a replacement already, they have had a replacement for a long time.
You know them. They are all around you.

There is no light nagisa. No one can help me. The hands, they are there to push me.

You lie. You didn't answer in three weeks, yet you were online just like everyone else. Such a disappointment.

[Grace47]

Ana, please talk to your mother and father about how are are feeling. I'm sure they love you. Parents who don't love you don't send you to Europe and nice schools and do all the things your parents have done for you. No one can replace you, Ana. *hugs*

[Ana Bellini]

They know. They don't mind.

[butterfly91]

U ok? U can always pm me if u want to talk x

[cycle]

You're right. The world is wrong.

The world is wrong because innocent people die every day. Those people are starved, diseased, killed by senseless violence.

The world is wrong because there is racism and homophobia and bigotry.

The world hasn't done you any wrong because the world doesn't care.

But Ana, you are smart. You are lucky. You have resources at your disposal. Use them. I admire many things about you. I hate to see you sad and lost--get help. Your life is too valuable to be consumed by this. I don't say this just for your sake, this is for your family and friends and everyone who may be touched by you in the future when you go on to do wonderful things with your life.

Don't condemn people here for trying to help you. We all care here

[Ana Bellini]

I didn't. I only said that they didn't help me before - in fact, they did the opposite. They destroyed my life. They made me become the sick person I am now. Not only here, but everyone who said "I am your friend" - they all abandon you when you need them the most.

[dancer]

I don't know you or anything about your life, but I am so sorry you are hurting. Is there anyone in your life you can talk to, a doctor, teacher, therapist, priest etc? I know you feel like no one cares, but I promise you that there are people that do and will care. I'm not sure if you are religious at all, but I believe there is a God that loves us all, no matter what, even if we feel alone on this earth. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Mamafear]

Ana honey, this forum is here for people who are suffering and need support. Some need support in recovery, some are not there yet but there is one thing we are all here for and that is comfort and encouragement. We are a group of people who've come together for one reason, and that in itself says something! We've nothing to lose, but lots to give. We ARE here for you, as you are for us. Xx

[Ana Bellini]

Really? You come say that after everything you said to me? You're one of them. We. We. Who are we? Who are you reporting to? Who is talking behind my back?

[Mamafear]

Ana honey, I said nothing to you. I come heere to support people who are wanting support, and to get support when I'm struggling. This is supposed to be a peaceful place and when I see anyone being growled at, berated, or told off, it disturbs me greatly. You'll notice I only ever protect people. That goes for everyone. For what it's worth, I do care because you deserve to be cared about. I hope you find peace, even if it's not here at IES. X

[KaydeeJayde]

Ana, we are your friends, but sometimes people don't know how to help you. You go off on tangents like this and wont give anyone any context and you're talking like everyone is against you, it's difficult to know what to do. We're trying, we really are, it's just hard to know how to help you. What do you need from us?

[Ana Bellini]

Mrs. mamafear: I was attacked as well and you did nothing to help me. It destroyed my life, not you, but everyone. It's funny how no one never helps me. You see? Now you are saying you want me out of here. I leave if I want to, when I want to.

Miss KaydeeJayde: No you aren't, I have no friends. I never had. People always betray you. They are against me, can't you see that? They are reporting to someone, I know it! It's not like you're not talking behind my back, that's what people like you do!

I need someone to understand, miss. I need someone to say "I am here for you". Most of all, I want someone to say "I forgive you", because since that day not a SINGLE PERSON felt guilty because of what they did to me. And there were lots of traitors, miss.

And I am dying a slow painful death. Every time I remember, a part of my sanity dies. How long do you think I will be able to hold if it stays like that?

I spent this weekend mourning over the fact I don't have a closed space to turn the car on. I spent this weekend wondering if my dad would be angry if I used one of his ties. Wondering if he would care. I bet he wouldn't :'(

[KaydeeJayde]

No one is saying we don't want you here. You're a valued member of the IES community. I personally loved our Facebook chats! I am your friend, or I'm trying to be. It's just that, again, we don't know how to help you. I don't know if I'm the only one to feel like that. Why so we need to forgive you? You haven't done anything wrong. People aren't traitors because they disagree with you. If they were, I'd have about a billion traitors just on this site alone because of all the people who've disagreed with things I've said! One of my best friends would probably be a traitor, but she's not. No one is conspiring against you, and I'm not sure why you'd think they are. What's brought all this on, Ana?

[Ana Bellini]

Yes I did. That's what everyone says. That I'm all those things my signature says. They used those words, and who am I to say something against them? Oh, because I'm all those things my signature says. I'm worthless.

They hurt me Erin, they all did. It changed my personality. Now I struggle with two different ones and I have no friends - no one wants to be my friend, because I'm too desesperate trying to make them talk to me.

If you love our facebook chats, how come you never call me? I often post about how I feel, yet never you said a thing. No one here did. I sit with my facebook opened and wait for someone to call me, to say that hell, they remember my existence. I want to be reassured I am someone, and it is not happening. Every time I feel more anger, more sadness, I have more suicidal thoughts.

They are traitors because they promised never to leave me. It takes me a long time to trust someone, and when I finaly do, what do they do?? They ABANDON me! Just like everyone in my life abandoned me.

You are talking behind my back, I know you are. Why else would you all refer as "we"? I repeat: WHO ARE WE?

[sage]

This thread is just drama now, and has been reported twice. Hence, I'm closing it. Please don't anyone try opening a new thread under the same topic and if you see one, report it. Let's move along now.