Saying goodbye to anti emetics

[XxLOVExX]

So for the last 9 months I have been addicted to anti emetics, i didnt see much of a problem with it. It became a ritual for me, a way to control the thoughts of possibly getting the dreaded SV or FP. In my mind if i am able to take anti emetic i am preventing myself from getting sick.

For months i did just regular therapy with no meds and it was an amazing starting point for me to get used to going and talking about my problems but i was not getting anywhere. My therapist would let me bounce from topic to topic and my anxiety had been at an all time high along with my OCD behaviors and very intrusive thoughts about getting "sick" In July i finally reached my breaking point on the verge of a nervous break down due to many reasons including my emet. My parents decided to fly me home to spend 5 weeks with them to try and help re center myself.

During that time my anti emetic use was at an all time high, Phengran and Zolfran were my best friends. I was taking anywhere from 6-10 pills a day sad but true. If i didnt take preventive measures god forbid i would have panic attacks to end all panic attacks.

After I flew back home to my amazing husband, we sat down and had a long talk about the last 8 months and why i was letting myself needlessly suffer with the panic attacks, the OCD, and the anti emetic addiction. I went to one last therapy session with my old therapist and bid her a fond farwell and decided to look for a different treatment program.

I was referred by my general doctor to an amazing psych clinic who also does med management. I have 2 doctors now one for CBT therapy and one for my meds. Both are amazing and have really listened to all of my concerns and have worked with me on slowly giving up the anti emetics. I admitted i had a problem with them. Well 2 weeks ago I took my last Phengran and haven't had any since. My husband will no longer feed my addiction for over the counter anti emetics. I still have a bottle of otc ones stashed away in case of dire emergency's. Hey no one is perfect, and rome wasnt built in a day.

I am on week 3 of being on a daily med that helps control my OCD/Anxiety and i also have xanax for bad nights. I have noticed immediate results as far as my mood feeling stable. My thoughts are not as intrusive i still have bad days and i have great days just depends on the day. The CBT therapy is slow going but i know the end results will be the greatest pay off.

I guess the reason i am telling this story is because tonight was one of those nights i really wanted to take an anti emetic. I feel so vulnerable, i want to do this ritual so badly. To take a pill to make me feel better even though there is nothing wrong with me. I pulled the bottle out of my hiding spot looked at it for a few moments before deciding i can do this. I dont need to take an anti emetic. That this is just my irrational part of my mind talking. To me this was a huge leap in my recovery I was able to say hey i can do this i dont need to take these 2 white pills to prevent anything cause i am not sick.

Granted i did take half a xanax to get my brain to shut up and quit telling me i am not sick and i havent been exposed!!! GOOD TIMES!!

[Grace47]

*hugs* That's fantastic, Love. I'm glad things are going better.

[jparsons93]

So proud of you Love! Way to go!!

[Cynna]

Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Sicky-Ricky]

That is fantastic to hear, everyone can be confident and rules when they feel fine, but to take the brave action and decision when you are feeling vulnerable is where the real courageous decision was made and you took control of your anxiety, it did not control you. Well done.

[Syrup]

Good for you! Remember that YOU are in control!! Feelings are often liars. You did awesome, keep going!

[Puddin1976]

You should be so proud of your achievements xx it gives us all hope that we can all beat this xxx well done you xx

[ashley26]

That is so great! We are all very proud and you should be proud of yourself as well! One day we will be 'cured' of this horrible phobia

[XxLOVExX]

Thanks guys!!! i highly recommend cbt therapy!! its has been working wonders for me along with the meds i am on!! I am feeling like me again!! its has been so long! I forgot how AWESOME i am!

[Grace47]

I agree, Love. You are awesome!