I’m so stupid.

[rosesandlilies]

I really want to be a PE Teacher when I'm older. The only problem is, my PE teacher and coincidentally, Head of Year hates me. Shenever really compliments me and often holds me up as "the bad example you shouldn't follow"!This really upsets me because, well, I really like her as a teacher.

So, I went to PE today feeling rather sick (as I have done for the past week)and I got told that we're doing the "Bleep Test". For anyone who doesn't know, this is where you run laps of 20 metres continuously at increasing speeds. Everyone hates doing it because it's tough physically and lots of people get sick afterwards. Since I was feeling very sick by then, I didn't feel like running long distances. I started to panic because I thought I was going to be sick.

The problem is,as soon as we are told we are doingthe bleep test every year, everyone starts to say: "I feel sick" to get out of it. I knew the teachers would think I was lying and my PE teacher would hate me even more. I started to cry, and even though I said I was ok, my friend insisted she was going to tell them. She said I couldn't run like that. I protested but she told the teachers. She came back and told me that my head of year had said for me to come over and see her, and that she did like me. I went over reluctantly, still trying to stop myself from crying and they asked me what I wanted to do. I decided I had to run. Otherwise they'd think I was even more of a failure. So I told them I would drop out early, and I would be ok.

In the end it was ok, I did it and dropped out at level 5,3- which isn't great. I just feel so stupid now. I made a complete fool of myself in front of all of the teachers by crying and my head of year will hate me even more. I am really stupid.

[artist]

You know what rosesandlilies? We have all felt stupid and why in the world
did we do this or that where actually the other people involved usually didn't
think much of it but we beat our selves up...why is that? For me (just talking
about me) my pendulum swings from being really good to being really bad
because of one parent being abusive and the other one powerless. So my
mind goes from being prideful to being a worm in these cases. Anyway, I am
so sorry you feel so bad about yourself. I wish I could make it go all away for
you...really. I know how painful it can be. I just said a prayer for you : )
God Bless you,
artist
PS You did good in trying...that took courage!

[rosesandlilies]

Thank you I'm sorry to hear about your problems too.

It is actually stupid because I know it probably means nothing to them, I mean they prbably didn't even give it a second thought. Just it matters so much to me. That's the stupid part.

[artist]

I know exactly what you are saying!!!! I think we are kind of sensitive types.
It's great you know what you want to do in life...just keep going forward : D
Life is hard : ( but it has it's great times too!!!

I like your name rosesandlilies....you must be a be artsie.

Cindy

[rosesandlilies]

Yeah, I think I get upset too easily On the plus side, if I do become a PE teacher, in six years time I will have finished my degree and I will look back on this and laugh. No doubt tell my pupils too hehe .

Unfortunately I really do care too much what people think. I mean I care a lot about what teachers say. I'm not sure whether to be comforted by the fact that everyone has noticed she is particularly mean to me (proves it is not inside my head) or further depressed because it shows that she is really like that.

I'm the kind of person who gets upset when they argue with anyone. I don't know what I did to make her hate me, but she does. Even though she said to my friend: "That's not true, I like (my name), bring her over." I still can't believe it.

[artist]

Yeah, it seems a little confusing. It's hard to trust someone when they act
one way and say another. Maybe you just remind your teacher of someone
who had hurt her. Maybe she doesn't realize how she has picked on
you...who knows but it sounds like you are growing through this as a
person. Usually it's the hard things in life that we can become better people.
Ask God to help you to forgive and move on. It might help : D You know
what, I just remembered once when I felt especially stupid and I actually
thanked God for the situation and the whole thing disolved from my mind. It
seems backwards but spiritual thing usually are. Yes, I am a Christian and if I
get to preachy...well, can't help it. It's just God has helped me so much
through the years and I love Him. I have to give Him the credit at times.
God Bless you,
Cindy

[rosesandlilies]

Thanks It means a lot.

I want to talk her her about it. I have tried to on various occasions, but she sort of shurgs me off before I can get to the point. So I backed away.

I thought maybe I could try today, I mean apparently she sounded kind of surprised when my friend told her I thought she hated me. So at the end of the lesson I asked her for a plaster, meaning I had to come with her to the PE office and I was still half crying, so I thought she was going to say something. She didn't though.

Shame. I just want to talk to her.

[artist]

Yes, that's a shame Maybe a time will come that will be the right timing.
You'll know. You are sensitive and seems to be aware of your surroundings
which might be partly why we have this phobia. It seems I'm to aware of
things at times where other people are oblivious to what is going on.

Oh! my chair is here!!!! I got a new chair for my drawing table. The church I
worked for got me a new very large drawing table to thank me for working
for them and I needed a new (taller) chair for it.

Stay in touch...Dr. Phil is going to be on in 20 min. here. That's where I
found out that I'm not the only one with this phobia.

Later, Cindy [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[tcsarah]

You sound a very sensitive person, like me. Small things can upset us so much where others would just shrug them off. I had a similar experience in school with an Englishteacher who seemed to keep singling me out and embarassing me in front of the class.Lord knows why shedid it. I always worked hard and never disrupted class (blowing my own trumpet here, please excuse, lol,but all the other teachers said what apleasure I was to teach) but this one teacher, well she was horrid. My friends even noticed how she singled me out so I know I wasn't imagining it. Funny thing is though, she always gave me a good report.Could never work her out...


Perhaps you could speak with your PE teacher and get things off your chest. I'm sure she doesn't hate you,this is just your sensitiveness making you think thisstrongly. Perhaps she has a reason for treating you the way she does - if you are good at sport, in her funny way of thinking perhaps she thinks singling you out will encourage you to better achieve or be more determined - I don't know. I'm sure if she realised how much she was upsetting you, she wouldchange her ways. If not she'sjust one rotten apple of a teacher, you do unfortunately come across them now and again.


Anyhow, I hope things improve and keep that goal of becoming a teacher yourself - your experiences will help you relate to your future students!


Tracey

[meercat]

lol Artist, i just found out the name of my phobia and the fact that others also have it, by watching Dr. Phil last week also.

[artist]

Hi meercat

It's good to hear from another "Dr. Phil-er". I was absolutely amazed at
seeing a name for this phobia plus a person who, as so many others on
this site and Dr Phil's site, having practically the exact same story! It has
changed my life. I have felt so alone for 44 years with this phobia. Even
though I'm better than when I was in my 20's, having kids, I still get really
nervous to be around sick people and then the germ thing. The Lord has
helped me a lot through the years with going through my husband having
many surgeries having intestines removed and then I have ulcerated
colitis. Anyway it was amazing to find this out and I hope you are much
younger finding out you are not alone.

God Bless,

Cindy

[Jenneh]

i dont think u shud feel stupid at all actually. you coped really well and you did the right thing letting the teacher know.


theres no point pushing urself to places ur not ready to go yet, does that make sense? my head of year and teachers knew about my fear.. thers no reason why we have to hide it.


Jen xxx