Mental health problems caused by emetophobia. I need my mother to understand it.

[Sebastior]

I've been suffering from emetophobia since i was 11, i'm turning 20 the 23rd of march.
It has brought on OCD which pretty much controlled my life for years, got over it, but it's starting to come back. I've got general anxiety and social anxiety too, which might also be genetic since my family is pretty much the history of anxiety.
Then there's depression and suicidal thoughts, i also attempted suicide a few times and practiced my method at home a lot which has now made me talk funny, occasional stutter, bad balance and amnesia. I also have paranoid periods which i think is more linked to my past.
My mother respects my anxiety, 'cause she has it too, she can tell sometimes if we're out that i'm anxious and asks me if i wanna go outside. When OCD was controlling my life a few years ago, she tried to understand it, she was reading leaflets and stuff trying to inform herself on the topic and adjust to it as best she could.
I tried telling her several times at therapy like 4 years ago that the emetophobia is the main problem that lead to OCD, anxiety, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, but of course she wouldn't listen to me and said it's 'cause i have anxiety.

If i drop a piece of food, touch it on my clothing or with unwashed hands, i don't eat it, same goes with cutlery, if i've touched something that the food/water would come into contact with, i don't eat/drink it. Say a water bottle, if i touch the rims of it or the bottom/inside of the cap, i throw it away.
She yells at me every time i throw something away or don't use a cutlery for this reason. Yet she never even finishes the dinner i cook. I want her to understand how difficult and crippling it can be living with this phobia. I want her to understand how hard it is to actually change this behaviour, of throwing away stuff 'cause it's touched something. I rarely use my hands to prepare food anymore, it was like that a year and a half ago when i had accidentally overdosed and i wouldn't touch anything i ate whatsoever, i'd clean my hands once or twice even if i didn't touch what i ate. If i did touch it, i'd throw it away.
However sometimes i do touch the food i'm preparing, but if i can avoid it, i try to. It does take a lot of planning when cooking certain meals 'cause i was my hands a lot while cooking, and use the fork/knife for one thing then use another for another thing 'cause if i put it down on the counter, i won't use it again.

But yeah, i really need her to understand it's not easy to change this and that she could at least be respectful about it, informed of how bad the phobia can be. She won't listen to me whatsoever, she tells me i'm the one who has to change 'cause she's 54 and she's been doing what she's been doing for over 50 years.
Problem is, i don't know how to do this. I've been thinking about giving her a link to this forum. But maybe something else would be nice. A documentary would be pointless since she's nearly deaf. Any ideas anyone?

[Maddie-_-]

Well first off, it does sound like she cares alot and trys to understand but remember, if you did not have this phobia, how stupid would it sound to you?
My mum is the same even though she is emet but she is not as bad as me and can control her life with it and goes and lives it to the full, but cant understand why I cant control it. Gets mad when i lay around in bed and wallow for instance.

Try showing her us all here. Then she may understand more people have it too. I have social anxiety too but not too bad.
Maybe buy her a gift? A thanks for understanding what you could. Go to therapy maybe without her this time so only you tell the therapist what is going on and not someone else. They may love you but only you know whats really going on inside your head.
Tell her just because she has had it for a long time does not mean she should have to put up with it. Tell her that her life can be better. Go on a little get better mission together. Try and say it in a loving way. Sit her down. Cup of tea, hold her hand, look her in the eyes and tell her that you will help her and help yourself. She may be scared of change as anxiety seems to be what she has known most of her life. Re assure her her life can Only get better, and you will love her and be there behing her the whole way. May I reccomend reading Thrive by Rob Kelly? For both of you. Buy 2 versions though as you have to write personal things in it. Its an online purchase. I highhly reccomend it for her more so than you but I would say to you to buy it also, one so its less scary for her and two because I feel it would benifit you alot. Im reading it, and have heard many success stories. He aims at all phobias, fears, addictions etc.
We are always here for you and your mother. Hugs! Wish you well on your adventure, should you choose that path

[Sebastior]

Her anxiety isn't so bad anymore, only problem she has with it is she can't go to the mall on her own.
I've gone to therapy loads of time, one therapist kicked me out 'cause i relapsed (i'm a recovering benzo addict) and she got really cold and distant. Went to therapy for OCD, didn't help, but then i went to CBT for OCD and social anxiety, it helped but then like i said, it kinda came back. Then i went to a psychologist to get a doctor's note for anxiety and he completely judged me in the note and degraded me, sounded like he was trying to make me feel like a piece of shit and try and hinder me from getting a job.
The place i went to for OCD they just kept on trying to get me on anti-depressants, i kept telling them i won't take them 'cause of the side effects. They never tried to help me properly. So i don't really trust therapists/psychologists.
I just want mum to understand the phobia and that it can be quite difficult to live with and just want her support. I've been home for 3-4 years now since i dropped out of secondary, and i think that's worsened my mental state quite dramatically. I think once i get a job and i get used to being there, i'll feel better mentally, obviously not 100% but at least a little better.

You make some good points there with how crazy it sounds to people who don't have emetophobia yeah.

[I'm a mess]

Woah..woah woah woah. Who are you. Are you me.. I'm serious. You described me. Nobody seems to understand why I do this. I rarely touch food. I constantly wash my hands. I get so paranoid. If I touch something, I throw it straight away. If cutaretly goes on the side. I throw it straight in the washing up bowl. It's so crippling and annoying I totally understand. I've tried to end my life twice over the past few weeks. It's for other reasons, but mainly that. As cliche as it sounds though, you are not alone. I mean.. I'm here.. Aren't I. xx

[Sebastior]

Maybe we should get to talking, see if we can help each other out? If you're interested ...

[4077girl]

To me it sounds like she is being as patient as you can expect anyone to be. It also sounds like you're too afraid to make the changes you need to make to get better. Doctors and psychologists can't help you if you're not willing to accept their help. If they think you need medication, you really should do what you have to do to take it. It won't cure everything, but it will hopefully take enough of the edge off that you won't be exhausting yourself and exasperating your mother by being so so so careful about everything all the time. Doctors can give you an antiemetic to go along with a new medication, and can start you on a very very very low dose and very slowly increase it and virtually eliminate any possible risk of side effects. You can't expect the world to change to accommodate your fears, you have to make changes so you can fit into the world again. And if I can do it, so can you!

[I'm a mess]

If you were talking to me, when you asked if we should get talking, then sure. I'd be definitely interested

[Sebastior]

Yeah i was.

[Rachella]

Same as my mother, my mother was the root cause of my phobia, my life was hell as a kid, hiding from her if we were feeling ill, too scared to tell her.