OT:My boyfriend left me...

[mitch04133]

MY boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I can't believe it, it was out of nowhere. I am so upset....We went out to the bar on Friday night, we were dancing and having a wonderful time, then when we woke up on Saturday morning, things went bad, then they went bad to worse. He told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said that he changed his mind on wanting kids, and he didn't want to string me along. Then, he said that he thought about what kind of mother I would really be with my phobia and all. He also said that he wants to travel, but he knows that my phobia might get in the way. This is coming from the guy who 5months ago said that he would always be there, help me through my phobia, and that he wanted to marry me, and have kids with me. He was always so sensitive and there for me, and now he doesn't want anything to do with me. How could somebody do this??? I feel so betrayed and alone. I am so tired of my life. He breaks up with me a week before I am to go through all these surgeries. He breaks up with me when I am already at the lowest point of my life.


Why?? Why does this keep happening to me? I really can't take anymore. I am so sad, and I can't deal with this on top of everything else. He gave me no indicaton that this was going to happen. I am so sad, I can't stop crying, I can't deal with this. I need help so bad. I am right on the edge and I am ready to jump. I really can't take anymore. He was the one stable thing in my life, or so I thought, and he just left me. Left me alone when I am already going through alot. I thought he was the one, I really felt that I would and could spend the rest of my life with him, and now I am alone...again. Please, I need help. I am so upset. I can't believe it's over. It's over cause this stupid phobia. I hate this, and I hate myself for having this problem. I don't know what to do anymore.


Michele

[trickyvicky]

Michelle i'm so sorry to hear this,i'm really shocked to hear thisas u seemed so happy and the way u talked about him,he seemed so decent.And it was great to hear u had found him after the terrible time u had with your previous ex,its a really hard one,as u say u think he finished it becasue of the phobia....U don't actually know that!!!,and please don't blame yourself....i think in life we have to look out for ourselves and make sure we are atour happiest we can be in lifewith out a partner..Like trying not to depend on someone else to make us happy.....U are a very pretty girl andare really nice,this is going to be a hard time for u,and what ever anyone says will not take the pain away.....Alll i can say,is don't give up babe!!!!!! u can do it,u did it before,when u were at your lowest !!!!and i know u can get through this terrible time again....We are all here for u,anytime...Please don't let this take over your life with your phobia and keep strong,show the world u can do it....I know u can!!!!!


Keep us updated and if u ever want to chat add me to your msn ....


vicky x


P.s Thinking of u!!!!

[kel12347]

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry this has happened! And you're going through such a tough time the way it is. Hang in there, okay? Lean on every support person you have, even us (and we're always here, it just might take some time to reply!). And also, remember this, even though it seems hard too right now. Most people with this phobia (and maybe others, too) seem to have a bottomless well of strength. I have laid there in the middle of the night, thinking that I just can't go on anymore, but you find that you can, no matter how hard it is. You are strong, and you can get through this. Cry if you need to, no shame in that. I think it was Soluene's signature on here that said: "When you're going through hell....keep going." And that's the best we can do, and I guarantee you've got the strength to do it.


Keep us posted.

[tcsarah]

Oh no, I'm so very sorry Michele. I understand the heartache you feel right now, it's like going through a breavement breaking up with somebody and when it comes out the blue it is that bit more difficult. I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away all the hurt you are feeling, but only time will do that.


When I've split with my boyfriends in the past I've had the added upset and worry that my phobias and anxieties would get in the way of finding another partner and that my main support in life has been removed. I know exactly just how low and alone you are feeling right now. Have a good cry and keep talking about things with family, friends, or here on this forum - we are always here to offer support. You are strong enough to get through this Michele,and you will come out the other side a stronger person.


Try not to shut yourself away or bottle any of your feeling up, you need to go through a grieving process. Please don't feel alone in all this, I'm sure many of us here have been where you are now not just me and I knowMary (harmonygirl72)is going through a similar thing right now- struggling with all our fears and panics and on top of that breaking up with a partner, it isn't easy, but we are here to help in any way we can. Take care.


Tracey x

[crazybeautiful]

I'm so so SO sorry that happened to you. I know nothing I can say will make you feel better, breakups hurt so much.


I really hope you can get through this with the support of friends and family. You're strong, you can do it.

[mommyof3]

I don't really have anything to say to you either, other than I am so sorry! I hope you have some other people who can support you right now with your surgeries and you know we are all here for you to talk to.


I'm sorry, I don't know you well enough to know, are you getting counseling? I hope you are seeing someone and if not I hope you will.


Hugs.

[mitch04133]

I am not doing good at all. I am completely devestated. I can't sleep, I can't eat I don't even want to get out of bed. Mommy, you asked if I was in counsling? No I'm not, I can't afford it. I got laid off over ayear ago, then I got sick, and I coulldnt work. I donlt have any insurance, and I an tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I was finaaly going to get a job, but now my kidney is blocked agin, and I can't work cause I have to go through surgeries. So I am screwed.

I am so sad. I am so very sad. I loved him so much. How can someone just all of a sudden change their mind? I know he wasn't cheating, we spent everday together, and although he is an ass, I don't think he was...or am I such a complete idiot? I can't figure out why know wants to be with me. I know it has a lot to do with my phobia, so its like what's the point? I am so depressed, but I promise I will not do anything stupid. I realized that even thinking about taking your life over some guy is just letting them win. I will just try my hardest to be strong and concentrate on getting better. Thanks eveyone for your support. I feel strong all of a sudden, but that feeling will go away, and I will be crying soon.

Michele

[jennyleigh1975]

Michele, there are plenty of us that have husbands/wives, ect ........ that know about our phobias and they support us and love us anyway. You just have not found this person yet, he is out there. I know you are hurting right now, and the way he went about breaking up with you is awful, but you can and you will get through this!!!! You need to concentrate on getting through these surgeries and getting better and getting on with your life. Your perfect man will come along. I want you to be the strong woman that we all know you are!!!!

[stella9]

Dear Michele.


I am going to have a whole different perspective on this one. I am sorry that you are going through this pain of a break-up. It is a loss and you will need time to grieve.


Now, for the good part. Its probably a good thing that your boyfriend broke up with you. He was honest with you about your phobia and his perception on how it would interfere with a family and traveling. Not a very mature outlook or conclusion. If this is how he handles things, you should not have him in your life. A lifelong comittment has a lot of challenges and you want someone with the emotional maturity and fortitude to stand by you. Obviously this isNOT the guy based on when he chose to bail on you. Evenif he came back in a day or two, he hasgiven you a peekathow he handles crisis. As for defining him as the "stable" thing in your life - he has shown you that he is far from that.


I know this is tough to go through, but please take some time to process what has happened and be grateful that this did not occur when you were either pregnant or had a couple of children that depended on both of you.


Instead of crying over this and feeling sorry for yourself, feel lucky that he is gone. Yes, he left you at the worst possible time, but that is what cads do. And he is that - a cad.


Stella

[shiva]

I have to agree with Stella. Be happy you didn't waste any more time on someone who doesn't understand you. The right person will come your way. And untillthey do,take thetime to work on YOU.

[harmonygirl72]

Michele,


Tracey's right; I am going through a similar thing at the moment, so I feel your pain. Please PM, e-mail or IM me anytime. I'd be happy to talk with you about it all. Men suck!!!


AIM: harmonygirl1972


Yahoo: harmonygirl72


MSN: [email protected] (that's my e-mail, too!)


Mary

[jennyleigh1975]

Stella put a better spin on what I was trying to say!!!!

[lewisr]

I am so sorry to hear this happened. Please remember that you have a community of support here.

[SimplyMe]

Aww, Michele, I'm so sorry. Apparently timing isnt' one of his strong points. I agree w/ what the others said. In the long run it is his loss and you will find someone worthy of all the wonderful things you can offer. You are so strong even if you dont' know it and you willg et thru your surgeries w/ or w/o him or anyone else because at the end of the day it's what must be done and you are able to do it. That's not to say it will be fun, but you will look back on this and be able to say you went thru it on your own and that you are the person you are because of your fortitude. We are all here to back you upand pray and think of you while you go thru all of this. I hate it when I am upset and people say this to me but I'm going to say it to you because it's true ... this will end. at some point the pain, the surgeries, the debt, all of it will be resolved and you will be the better person for having gone thru it.

[mitch04133]

Thank you everyone, I am still having a rough time, and last night, I went and picked up somethings from his house, and his son was there. Is son is 14, and we had a very close relationship, even though we fought likebrother and sister, over the summer, him and I hung out everyday. He talked to me about more stuff thanto his dad. And the lady my EX-boyfrined was married to (not his mom) was very mean to his son all the time. And for some reason, he felt very safe with me, and he knew I would never hurt him like she did. Well anyway, last night wasn't good. Him and I were both crying like babies. Then, he just called me today and told me that he misses me already, and he wants to still talk to me. How could I not?? Tomrrow we are going out to dinner, to talk, apparently he is having a rough time in school, he is kinda of a loner, and isvery shy, which I would of never guessed, cause around me he won't shut-up. I just love him so much to break up with him to. Is this alright??

[bexcelica]

michelle - if you ever need to talk my aim is bexcelica and my email is [email protected]... keep your head up

[jennyleigh1975]

Michele, you have to decide if that is alright for you, we dont have the relationship with him, you do. I do believe this though, The best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior. (I watch too much Dr. Phil, lol!!!!) Maybe he was just under alot of stress and was having a hard time dealing with everything, all I am saying is keep in mind what just happened.

I wanted to add that I am not trying to sound harsh, I promise, I am just such an independent person (for the most part anyway) and I think I would have a hard time getting past and working through what he did to you, especially what he said. I have been in your shoes before somewhat with a guy I dated before I met my husband. I allowed him to play with my emotions for a few years, and finally, I got tired of it and moved on. I met my husband about 4 months after I completely broke things off with him, and we celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary in Aug.

Ok, sorry for rambling ...............

Edited by: jennyleigh1975

[trickyvicky]

Michele do u mean u are meeting with your ex B/F or do u mean his son for lunch tomorrow?


as for either way,its a hard one u are the only one with that answer,if its your ex i think u should give him the benifit of the doubt,c what he has to say and go with your own feelings,don't be with him just becasue he makes u happy.....u need to make yourself happy and independant without a man......


If its his son,well thats such a difficult one,as this happened with me and my ex's mother,we kept in touch and we both wanted it this way as we missed each other but it just didn't help,she would talk about him and i was always worried the day she would tell me he had met someone else....And i needed to move on from that relationship and while your still in contact,there's always that little bit of hope in the back of your mind...What if???


It would kill u i'm sure if u kept intouch with the son and he told u that his father had met someone else..........But once again,u have to do whats right for u!!!!


I don't know if this has helped,but keep going mate.


take care for now vicky x

[stella9]

Hmmmm. I don't know about this one. Kids always muddy the waters. I know you feel sad for the son. You mentioned another girlfriend before you. Oh my goodness. Sadly, when couples break up, it plays havoc with the kids. I personally think you need to be very cool with the child. Eventually, you will have to break it off completely with him and the sooner the better. If you truly care about him, you will. If you are using him to keep involved in your boyfriend's life, you need to back off because this young person is the one who is exposed to the most emotional risk.


Stella

[murphy]

Michele,


I know EXACTLY how you are feeling except we were married. We had been together 3 years and he was very aware of my phobia. I will never forget the night I came home from work and he said he needed to talk to me. He proceeded to tell my right there that he was not happy and had been working on divorce papers for weeks and hewanted me to sign the agreement they had worked up. He handed me an agreement 15 pages long. He had gone through the house and inventoried everything and who would get what. I was in absolute and complete shock. We had just gotten back from Disney the week before and the whole time he was planning this. He had to keep the scam of the marriage going until the papers were ready. Thank the Lord I knew I couldn't sign anything without reading it. It was a good thing I didn't. I would have lost everything. He gave me a bunch of bs reasons for why he was doing this beginning with "you just don't go to the movies enough." He later said I was psych b/c of my phobia. I thought my life was over, even came close to ending it b/c I was a freak with this phobia and now it cost me my marriage. I soon came to realize that he had broke up our marriage b/c of his witch of a mom. He was using the e-met as an excuse. It is possible that the e-met was an easy out for your ex to make it sound like you are the reason for him doing this.


To make a long story short ( sorry too late), I met and married a wonderful man 2 years later. I was sooo scared about the same thing happening and he always assures me that if you really love and care for someone it won't get in the way. He is my biggest support!!!! This guy was not meant for you. You will find someone that loves you so much the e-met won't matter. I hope this helps. I am sorry it is soooo long but I know the horrible feeling of feeling deceived and hopeless. Keep talking to all of us. The greatest thing that ever happened to me was my ex wanting a divorce. I never thought I would be able to say that!!! Take care. Just pm if you need to talk more.


Murphy

[japa]

Michele, Of course, what Stella said is right. I don't know about associating with the son. But I do know, just from reading on this board, that you are strong on your own. You do not need this boyfriend to be strong. You never did.

[stella9]

Michele,


Please listen to Murphy - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. She is exactly right. You may be able to coax your boyfriend back, but it would not be a victory by any means. You would live on egg-shells your entire life. This guy is not up-to-snuff. He is a coward. This may sound trite, but try and believe that you will meet the right person who won't give rat's a** about your emet other than to support you. Emet is nothing in the grand scheme of things. A decent man will see it that way also.


As for the son, I feel really bad for him. I feel extemely sorry for children whose parents are free agents to date. Why? Because with each break-up the child also has a loss. Children handle the losses even worse then adults becausethey internalize them.A break-up is also disturbing and life changing for them. It is the responsiblity of the parent to shield the child from the relationship as long as possible. This is your ex-boyfriend's responsibility with his son- no yours. It sounds to me as though this guy leaves alot of damaged souls in his path. You are some lucky gal to be rid of him.


Stella

[jesskali]

Michele--I'm a little late catching up on posts as I have been gone a few days. I'm so very sorry to hear about this. I know you really cared about him and this was so unexpected. The others have given you some good advice and I don't have a lot to add at this point. You are a very strong person who has been through some tough times, but you have always come out on top, so to speak. This situation will not be any different. My only hope for you is that you do not go back to the abusive ex-boyfriend you had before meeting this guy. Maybe some time alone would do you some good, without having to date anyone at all. Sometimes that is the best way to "find yourself" and realize how strong and independent you can be!


Jess

[bexcelica]

how you doing michelle?

[angel13]

I'm a bit late here, but I just wanted to offer my sympathies to you Michele, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you at a time where you need support more than ever. I know nothing about relationships, so I'm sorry I can't offer any sort of advice, but just be strong - these things are sent to try us, I guess, right? Bad things happen in life, and it seems that they happen all at once...but you will come out stronger than ever at the end of it all. We're all here for you God bless, you'll be ok, I know it.


~angel

[ontariogirl]

Michele I am sorry that this has happened to you. Please take all the advices on this post. When you love some one so much and they leave you its like a death, you grieve the same way. It will be hard for you in the next couple of weeks but you will be feeling better. The best thing for you right now is to concentrate on your life. You will be having surgery soon and you need to be healthy both mentally and physically for that.

[*mandi*]

Michele I am really sorry about your break up IT makes me so sad that people can do that to someone. I am really really worried that my boyfriend of 4 years is going to leave me. I think he is getting sick of my anxiety and my phobia b.c i complain about being sick all the time.


I feel so sad right now. I know how you are feeling. A few years ago I had to go to the hospital b.c. my fear got way out of control. And my boyfriend shunned me. He wouldnt come and visit me in the hospital, and he woudlnt accept my phone calls. IT was the worst feeling ever, b.c he was the only person I needed and felt that I could trust.


I know it is very hard to lsoe someone you love so much, but, you cant be with someone who doesnt understand you. Im trying to work on that with my boyfriend right now. He says that he wont leave me...but i still worry all the time. I really truly am sorry. But from here on instead of getting yourself sick over him, focus on getting yourself better