Calling all moms of pre-teen boys!!! Help me??

[andee]

Hi Everyone,

Could you all help me out here? My son will be 12 next month and he is entering the pre-teen, needs-to-be-cool, knows everything stage. I am just struggling trying to figure him out. He is just in his own world, moans and groans about anything we ask him to do, won't hug me, just a different kid than even last summer. He also grew about 4 inches since the summer. I realize part of this is normal growing up and being independent, but I almost feel offended when he just doesn't want or need me. Also, we live in CT where it's been freezing and all these boys go out with sweatshirts, no jackets, nothing!!! It's crazy...and if I tell him to put his jacket on, I get, "I'm fine!!"

And the way this ties into emet is the fact that he is EATING US out of HOUSE and HOME!! I get sooooo nervous when he wants 3 snacks after dinner. I've raised both kids to eat mostly healthy, and now he is just eating whatever he wants and how much he wants. I feel like I'm losing control with him. I probably controlled their eating too much because if this fear, but I am sooo afraid he will get sick when he eats that much. He might have once (who knows what it was). And I compare him to me and think if I ate all that I would get sick so how is he doing it? I know he is growing like crazy and very active and you can't compare a 12 year old boy to a 43 year old woman. It's all irrational but I can't help thinking all these things. What do you all do with your sons? Sorry if I'm rambling....thank you!

[jkl81]

I'm not a mom of a preteen boy but I was a preteen boy about 20 years ago.... I'd say what you're seeing is normal, and unless he's defiant and disrespectful of you, or you have reason to worry about who he''s hanging out with or what he's doing, don't worry. I hope you guys can stay close through this period of change in your lives.

[sdfl]

I am also only mom to a five year old boy who is still connected at the hip, but I have brothers and I can assure you this is totally normal. My younger brother not only ate us out of house and home at that age, but also didn't get sick as much as I did, and I was the finicky eater. I hope you know this is normal. I'm sure your mother's heart is just being torn as you watch your boy move away from you; but the good news is, if you support him, don't try to control him too much (within reason, as you still have the upper hand to discipline), and just love him most of all; then he will likely return to you after the hormones loosen their grip a bit My brother is right back to loving his momma and treating her and taking her places. He's almost 24 now.

[Natiebear]

My daughter is going to be 10 and I'm getting some of the same stuff lol. Just in the last month she has started getting breasts popping out and I was freaking. Then the other night she says look I have hair in my arm pit. I was freaking out and anxious cause my little girl is growing up. I know this may sound dumb but it's making me so anxious. She is also so darn emotional right now, she gets so upset at the drop of a hat over the dumbest things. She has also been eating nonstop which is ok cause she is so skinny but she eats to the point that she feels sick. So I know what your going through I'm doing it too. I don't have any great words of wisdom since I'm winging it and taking it one day at a time also. I just wanted to let you know I'm going through it too.

[jkl81]

Agreed SDFL has the right idea!

[andee]

Thank you all so much!! I do feel better hearing from you all. I know Natiebear, the anxiety is overwhelming when I see what and how much and all the different kinds of foods he is eating!! I keep on him and he gets tired of hearing me. I have eating issues as well with amounts, "junkier" foods, etc. so I shouldn't be doing that to him. And sdfl, thanks so much for your words as well. Glad your brother came back around...I think I have quite a long wait though... I always joke that I've had him for almost 12 years and I'm STILL not used to this boy thing! Will keep you posted!

[andee]

AND jkl81, yes, he is a very good boy and not at all defiant or disrespectful apart from small things, so that makes me confident that he is still heading in the right direction. Thanks for your input as well!

[MaybeBaby]

I have an almost 9 year old girl. And boy am I seeing this attitude. She's a completely different kid now. Moody, sarcastic, obnoxious, know-it-all. Ugh. I was freaking out trying to figure out what was going on. Then boom out popped little breasts and she told me she had 3 pubes. WTF? She's just a baby. But yeah... now I realize it's all hormones, sounds like your son is going through the same stuff. My only advice... KNOCK before entering LOL.

[andee]

Thank you MaybeBaby...I never really had anything like this with my daughter, so this is quite different. I just said yesterday to him that, wow, you've only been on this earth for 11 years and you know everything already??? Mamafear, would love to hear from you on this, Please????

[Mamafear]

Hey Andee. I've a thirteen and a nearly 15 year old boys and what you are seeing is par for the course. Both of our boys pulled away a little and you're right, it does feel offensive. I was in tears alot when my older son did it because we're very close and I thought I'd lost him. I promise he'll come right, especially as you seem to have a closeness with him. The food thing does my head in too. It feels suddenly a bit like back when they put their fingers in their mouths. ..it's a lack of control that scares me. I just started giving them grape juice with zinc and prebiotic in it each am. My boys are aware of how much I'm struggling lately though and Ive asked them to eat holdind food in its wrapping paper which they happily do and also I get them to change out of uniform and wash hands as soon as they get home. It's a bit scary this teen business isn't it. :-/

[andee]

Thanks so much Mamafear! So glad you shared with me...he really is a good kid but I'm so afraid that he will go the wrong way, just being a boy and wanting to be cool. My son knows about my fear too, so he does wash his hands, etc. but still eats everything and anything. And it SO MUCH is that lack of control. But I realize they need to become their own person and be independent. UGH, wish my parents were alive to help me through this!! But thank you!

[Mamafear]

Oh hun, so sorry you don't have your parents around for guidance. Just trust that your parenting so far will keep them in check in the end. That and be very careful about who they hang with as that is the only thing that could derail him. Her if you need to talk. X

[ballykissangel]

I can relate completely! I have 2 sons, 14 and 15 years old. They went from little boys who thought the world revolved around Mommy to reserved young men who need their space and privacy. They seem to have changed almost overnight. From little tykes who wanted to cuddle and sit in my lap to being too old to get a hug from Mom. Trust me, I've learned, it's not personal. They go through growth spurts where they are hungry constantly and need lots of sleep. The amount of food my boys can put away without effort is staggering. Seriously, they would eat every couple of hours. I think they need it at the rate they are growing. I really don't think it's about lack of control. My Doctor has 5 boys and he assured me that it is completely normal! Neither of my boys have suffered any ill effects from it. They are both aware of my phobia, although I was careful not to let them know until they were older and neither showed any fear of being sick. I still make them wash their hands after being out and always before eating. Sometimes they gripe at this a bit, but it only protects them from illness It won't hurt them to have clean hands. Feel free to message me anytime. Moms need to stick together. We can encourage, learn from and uplift each other.

[Mamafear]

Ballykissangel, so true! Also, although my boys have grown up a little, they still need masses of affection, they just show you a new way of giving it to them. Both my boys need tucked in and hugged and kissed every night and if I go to bed early for some reason (although they despise going to bed early) they're both suddenly making excuses for an early night so that they don't miss out on their bedtime routine. Also, they find ways to 'accidently' lean on me or sit right up next to me. Youll notice the cues soon. The bonus is that one teen cuddle sticks to you and blesses you for so much longer than one of their boy-y cuddles!. X

[Mamafear]

Ballykissangel, so true! Also, although my boys have grown up a little, they still need masses of affection, they just show you a new way of giving it to them. Both my boys need tucked in and hugged and kissed every night and if I go to bed early for some reason (although they despise going to bed early) they're both suddenly making excuses for an early night so that they don't miss out on their bedtime routine. Also, they find ways to 'accidently' lean on me or sit right up next to me. Youll notice the cues soon. The bonus is that one teen cuddle sticks to you and blesses you for so much longer than one of their boy-y cuddles!. X

[momof5]

I have four boys from 4 to 14. Ugh is all I can really say. They go through spurts till about 12 of eat everything, than not so much. Around 12 they really grow and there's no filling the hole. I fix big meals and they can eat all they want at the meal but no snacking. They have to go through the don't want affection thing. They are finding themself so to speak. They need to seperate themselves from their mother. Its normal and makes them stronger boys. After a couple years when they are more comfortable with all the weird things going on with their body they do need you more. Important, when they want to share with you give them all of your attention. Don't complain when they are in the bathroom too long, and all that food makes them stronger and healthier. This was our lunch, 2 loaves bread, 1/2 of a 4 lb jar peanut butter. 1/2 pint of grape jelly. Milk a gallon at least a day. No pop, just water. Be brave, it don't last long.

[andee]

WOW momof5 and ballykissangel!! You're both awesome! And 4 boys???? One is plenty for me, thanks. So it will get worse before it gets better, huh? I'm glad he is very normal, at least!! LOL This has been a great and eye opening thread for me...and yes, we need to stick together so I may be messaging you, or at least keeping you all up to date.

[jwavrek]

When I was 13-14 I could eat two fully loaded 1-of-everything Chipotle burritos back to back. To be honest it was a weird sight, this tiny little 135 pound boy eating two entire burritos. I also decided I was immune to the cold, as well as thinking moms were fugly and didn't need hugs. Took me a few years to outgrow those two.

[ballykissangel]

James Thurber said:
"Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years." I SO agree

[andee]

LOLOL ballykissangel, and thanks, jwavrek...haven't seen you here in a while!