New User, Looking for Support
Hello, I am a 17-year-old girl who just so happens to have extreme emetophobia. I've had this fear for as long as I can remember, honestly, but my earliest memory was of a museum exhibition at the local children's science museum. It was called Grossology, and was meant to educate children on bodily functions, but I was six at the time, and I just remember crying hysterically because I was afraid of the cartoon depictions of v* that were present on both parts of the exhibit and the backs of the employees t-shirts. It was a fear that followed me throughout my childhood, and has only gotten worse over time.
To make matters even worse, I have Asperger's Sydrome, which is a mental disorder that mainly causes difficult social interactions. I don't like big crowds, loud noises, or anything like that. Do you know what happens when someone is sick in a crowd? Lots of movement, people running to get away, yelling and screaming, and worst of all, the presence of it. I believe you all know what I mean by "it."
Most emetopobes that I've seen are frightened by the thought of being infected with the SV, but while I find that thought very unpleasant, what really terrifies me beyond belief is the sight of it. It is the most disgusting, horrifying thing I can think of. The rankest, most repugnant odour I can think of. And the worst sounding thing that I can think about, no question. If I see it, or smell it, in any public place, I panic. If I cannot run to escape it, I must find a friend and cover my ears and breathe through my mouth. Situations in which I am trapped in the presence of v* and cannot escape are my absolute worst nightmare.
Sadly, such situations have been happening with increasing frequency. My school is really terrible when it comes to this. Last year, we had an assembly in the gymnasium. I was sitting high up with my friends, and suddenly, a girl about ten rows in front of me was sick. I didn't hear it, but I saw her friends rushing away and leaving the area. I saw the girl being lead out. But, my fear was overwhelming. I was absolutely trapped. I sat there, with my headphones in and my jacket covering myself completely, clutching my friend's hand as tightly as possible. Thankfully, at that point my school was a combined middle-high school, and the midde school dismissed before the high school did. My best friend and my neighbour (she works as a substitute teacher there) led me out of the gym, sadlg they had to guide me down the steps with my eyes covered up. Immensely embarrassing. One of my teachers apparently couldn't stop laughing st me, according to a conversation my neighbour overheard in the teacher's lounge. What a sweet woman.
My friend took me down to the special ed. room, and talked with me and tried to calm me down for about an hour. It worked, a bit. We talked about moments from our childhoods spent together, and drew strange pictures in a notebook. My neighbour took me home and I spent the rest of the day talking to my English boyfriend over Facebook. It comforted me quite a bit, because he's so lovely and understanding.
Even though that was over a year ago, my emetophobia has really gotten worse since that day. Norovirus season is now my absolute least favourite time of the year; ironically enough, my birthday is in the middle of it. Every single day spent at school during the winter is a day of paranoia and dread. They pack us in together like animals everywhere, the hallways, the lunchrrom, the classrooms, on the bus, etc. The virus spreads extremely easily. When someone is sick, particles in the air can affect anyone who was unfortunate enough to be nearby. It's a chaotic world of stress and discomfort that I have to deal with every single day. If a person even looks sick, I move away as far as possible, or even ask for a pass to another class if I feel that anxious. A few weeks ago, someone was sick in the hallway, and I stayed in my math teacher's room until it was cleaned.
I decided to make an account on this forum because of something that happened today, February 20, 2014. My moronic principal decided it would be a great idea to show a film im the gym. Even though the screen was completely unseeable and none of the kids would shut up. I put my music on, and planned on taking a nap. But then I saw people turning and making cries of disgust. I saw kids running down the steps. Someone had been sick, in one of the higher bleachers, thank god. I could tell, as the smell had actally overtaken the smell of popcorn.
I was struck by a strong feeling of fear, and I was desperate to escape, but I couldn't. They weren't letting anyone leave. It's not a very good idea to squeeze together two schools worth of children into a few rows of bleachers during SV season. So, after a few minutes of panicking and trying to keep breathing, my stupid fucking principal warned us that if we wouldn't settle down, we were going back to class. Of course, the ghetto kids that make up 90% of my school's population didn't listen, and we were sent back to class within five minutes. I don't think I'd ever ran out of a room that quickly in my life. My friends caught up to me, eventually, and went upstairs and talked for a while. My neighbour drove me home again, and now I'm sitting here, with another stupid claustrophobic/agoraphobic/emetophobic nightmare made real fresh in my mind.
The reason I have written such a long analysis of my history with emetophobia is that, in addition to venting my personal fears, I'm looking for people with specific fears similar to mine so I don't feel so alone. My counselor is helping me with my phobia, and promises to help me by making a treatment plan, which I'm nervous about, but really hope I make progress in. I LOVE amusement parks and carnivals, but because of my phobia, I can't bear to step foot in one. I really want to travel to England and see my boyfriend one day, but air sickness is so common and the idea of being trapped in a plane with sick for so long is horrifying. I want to enjoy school, and make good grades and show up every day, but recently, I've been making any excuse I can to leave early or stay home. When the intercom requests that a janitor report to somewhere in the school, I start to freak out and sometimes ask where the room is. And it has happened A LOT lately. A few weeks ago, I asked my friend to ask her mother if she could take me home when I had severe panic attacks, which she did.
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Re: New User, Looking for Support
