Guess I just need some help or advice...

[Steele]

Hi everyone, first and foremost, I'm new here. I've had emetophobia for about the last 10 years, and though it was tough at first, I did manage to get to a point where I didn't let the phobia take over my life. I was able to fly, eat out, etc. without any anxiety and I enjoyed it all greatly. But that changed tonight (warning: the next part may be disturbing for some).

What scares me so much about v* is that I had a really bad experience when I was a three years old. I started to v* and it just seemed to go on forever, I felt like I was being tortured. I kept begging for it to stop and it just didn't, and ever since then I've been scared to death that if I ever do v* again, it'll be exactly the same. I managed to convince myself that it really doesn't take that long and that it just seemed so long in my mind because I was young and it was unpleasant. But tonight I decided to look up v* videos on youtube to see how long it really takes...and, well, they took a lot longer than I remembered. So now I'm feeling like I did back when emetophobia was still taking over my life. I tried to brush it off and tell myself that I just need to get used to this new reality, but at this point it's been several hours and I honestly feel like I can't even stand up and walk into the other room.

I guess I just had to get that out there. Any advice or feedback would be appreciated.

[Natiebear]

Welcome! Sounds like you got yourself anxious after watching those videos. I think you just need to calm down and you will feel better. Try and distract yourself and that will take your mind off it. I always watch funny videos with dogs in them when I get anxious after seeing something disturbing. Who doesn't love watching cute dogs lol. I think you will be fine. Maybe your not at the point where you can watch vidoes like that right now. It does not mean you have totally failed at recovery. I think I'm doing pretty good with my recovery and I can't watch those videos either so don't feel bad.

[chlo-bo19]

Hello, I am also new here! Give it a little time, exposing ourselves to a trigger without support can be very difficult and right now the image will be at its strongest, but it will fade. It sounds like you were coping with your phobia very well before this incident, think back to how you were doing this? What made you able to eat out and fly on a plane? Use this to then work your way through this and eventually you will feel strong enough to come out of the room. You can do this and this does not mean you have failed, so do not get disheartened!

[Steele]

Thanks for the warm welcome and support guys! I'm starting to feel better and hopefully I'll feel even better as the day goes on.

[mdgirl1977]

welcome! I agree it sounds like you were doing great and maybe this is just a little setback. two steps forward, one step back. I also trace my emet to a few childhood experiences. we are here to support and listen. no judging.

[KaydeeJayde]

Hey there, welcome to the forums Sorry you're going through a bit of a rough patch but please don't think you're right back where you started. It's a big deal that you even watched those youtube videos at all, and it shows that you're willing to challenge yourself, which is excellent. The crappy part about anxiety is that you often need to take a step back before you can take steps forward, and I think that this is a good opportunity to lift yourself back up and take some forward steps!