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  1. #1
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    Apr 2014
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    1,440

    Default inheriting a phobia

    I have two girls aged 2 and 5 and am really worried about passing on my emetophobia to them. I am having a hard time at the moment as my 5yo is v'ing a lot off and on. I try my hardest not to let her see that it bothers me and tell her 'it's better out than in' kind of thing but I think she has noticed that I always try to hide away when she's ill! Luckily my husband has mostly been around but there have been a couple of times where I have had to help her and although I try not to be I am really nervous and shaky and keep asking her if she's ok! Do you think it's possible I'll end up giving her an issue too??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    209

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    nah because you dont *have* to pass it on, if you're telling her positive things about v* (i know that sounds terrible to us ugh) then it must be a good thing. But I guess you have to kid yourself that you truly mean what you're saying or try to get better to the point you know you do mean it. It's not odd for certain people to be bad/squemish at dealing with v* tho remember.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    Canada
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    2,300

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    Well, my mom is very scared of reptiles and most of all of snakes. Yet I spent my childhood bringing in snakes and other critters of that type and I never "caught" her phobia (my dad wasn't scared of them, so he taught me they were fine). Phobias aren't necessarily passed on even if a parent has one and shows fear in front of their kids.

  4. #4
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    Apr 2013
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    2,911

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    I don't believe phobias are inherited. ANXIETY, yes. My mother has severe anxiety but I'm not scared of any of the same things as her. She thinks I'm nuts and I think the same about her. HA! My grandmother was OCD about germs but never v* stuff. She always scrubbed with bleach but was more fearful of bacterial stuff which I could care less about.

    Anyway, I think we pass on HOW we deal with stress, but not the actual stressor. That's not part of our DNA. My mom refused to get on airplanes. She watch 'Alive' and focused on how HORRIBLE it would be to go down in a plane. I remember being somewhat fearful of telling her I wanted to get on a plane in high school. I wasn't concerned at all. Her phobia had absolutely no affect on me no matter how often she talked about it.

    Of course, it does happen that people share phobias but I REALLY don't think it's common. My therapist asked if my parents struggle with anxiety, which they both do, and is really the overriding issue. Even when the phobia is gone the anxiety still remains, it just latches onto something else which is why that's what we should really be focused on.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    United States
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    6,142

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    I think the thing you need to remember is just don't give your daughter the message that we ought to fear v* like we do, that it's a really bad or dangerous thing. Comfort her as best you can when it happens, and I'm not really sure that you even need to make it seem positive, just not something dreadful. Most kids probably are at least a little distressed when they get sick no matter if we see it as positive, negative or indifferent. Think about how few 2nd generation emets we have on here compared to the population of this board. Yes it does happen but it's not that common. I agree that it's anxiety that's the thing which can be inherited not the specific fears or phobias as such. We DO see a lot of that unfortunately. I think your daughter will be fine as long as you don't consciously or unconsciously give her the idea that v* is a terrible thing to be avoided at all costs. My ,02...good luck.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    143

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    I heard an interview on NPR with an emetophobe who passed the fear on to his daughter despite NEVER letting her see him panic. His book discusses inherited phobias in more depth, but I haven't read it yet.

    What I do know is that my own emet is 100% inherited. My first sickness-induced panic attack was at age 2. No one had ever modeled this behavior to me and my mom doesn't know why it happened. In my adult years, I learned that my dad, aunt, brother, and grandpa all suffer with varying degrees of emetophobia. My dad has only vomited ONCE in my 30 years on earth and grandpa hasn't done "it" (his words) since 1973! My little niece is the latest to develop it. She's the only one in her household who has it.

    Do the best you can to stay calm around your children, but don't beat yourself up if they develop the same fear. Anxiety disorders in general have a strong genetic link. Once they're old enough you can explain that it's an irrational fear if they do see you panic. Communication is always better than obscuring things when it comes to family
    Last edited by Aspie Grrrl; 04-28-2014 at 07:20 AM.

  7. #7
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    Jul 2008
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    United States
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    6,142

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    Are you talking about Scott Stossel's book, or a different one? I still want to read it, but I'm cheap I guess.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    319

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    I was a full on emet when my daughter was small (she's now 18) and yes she saw me panic but she has no issues at all about vomiting, in our house she deals with vomit (whether it's hers, her brothers or the dogs) but I deal with the spiders as she is terrified of them and I'm not. Don't beat yourself up thinking that you will pass your phobia on or if you have to have somebody else care for your child when they are sick, it doesn't affect the child as long as you are there for everything else! I used to be on this site a couple of years ago and another member blasted me and called me a bad mother as I had a hard time dealing with my children when they were sick, I was very hurt at the time and left, I now realise that nobody has the right to judge my parenting skills on an online forum! please don't worry too much

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    143

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    My Dad is somewhat emetophobic...not as bad as I am, but I feel like I inherited some of it from him. Never once saw him freak out about vomiting. I don't know if my emetophobia in its entirety is inherited from my Dad, but I think I can comfortably say that I got at least some of it from him.

    I certainly don't blame my Dad in any way though. Not even remotely. If anything, it's nice knowing he's similar because he knows how I feel and can help more than pretty much anyone else I talk to.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    812

    Default Re: inheriting a phobia

    Er, I don't think emetophobia in of itself is inherited. The underlying anxiety that can cause a specific phobia, yes. Undoubtedly, I'm an anxious person because it runs in the family. No one in my family is emetophobic in the slightest, except for the fact my dad doesn't like throwing up and would rather endure nausea, but he isn't afraid of it at all. My dad has GAD, that's where the anxiety came from.

    My mom and her mother both have severe specific phobias, which is where I'm sure I got emet from.

    Phobias develop because of a combination of inherited anxiety and a traumatic experience (of which there are varying degrees) involving the trigger when your anxiety was high, generally - at least that's what I've concluded after doing some research on it. There is some good evidence that you can be born more predisposed to developing a phobia if someone in your life has one, but I doubt it's for specific ones, like a specific arachnophobia gene. Otherwise, I would be petrified of airplanes and heights instead of vomit, which happen to be two things I have zero fear of.

 

 

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