VERY upset, please help!

[kitbuddy]

Hi everyone, I've had a rough night and could use some support/advice...sorry for the incredibly long rant!

Tonight my boyfriend and I took the train to another neighborhood in the city. I was very anxious on the train, because people were coughing/looking hungover and public transit makes me anxious in general. I saw my boyfriend touch the poles and the tops of the seats, but I didn't say anything. Then we went to a couple different shops before getting dinner. He orders pizza and eats it WITH HIS HANDS. When I asked him if he washed his hands, he said, "No, I was too hungry." I got really upset. He said that he didn't eat the part that he touched with his hands, but I'm not so sure.

I feel so betrayed because he knows hand washing is a BIG thing with me, especially before eating. We were supposed to be celebrating a promotion I got at work, but now my whole weekend feels ruined. I know I'm going to spend the next 2-3 days panicking.

We share a 1-bedroom apt. Here's the thing...I always catch his colds, he NEVER catches mine. I chalk this up to my obsessive hygie and his lack of it when he's sick. Knowing this, how can I NOT freak out about something potentially more serious?

I don't know what to do. Should I stay at a hotel? Pump him full of Dramamine? I'm SO angry and upset. He has a much more lax attitude about sickness (we've been together 5 years, and every time he's gotten sick its been from drinking) and he's usually good about hand-washing, etc. he even stopped his nervous habit of rubbing his eyes after I asked him too. This is really out of character.

Can anyone offer some perspective? He' aplogized a bunch, but I've been sobbing on the train ride home like an idiot...

[reevagee]

i think you are being really hard on your bf. I'm sorry to say it, but we are difficult to deal with. all of us emets that put our fear onto others, forcing them to comply with our safety regulations. lets be rational, you say in 5 years he's only been sick from drinking.. so there is one good reason y u shouldn't worry. do u have any idea how many ppl take train rides everyday and eat afterwards w germ hands? do u really think they all get sick? no way. we wouldn't ever be well if that were the case. being that he is lax.. his immunity is probably very strong.. a lot of ppl who never worry or take precaution never catch rings. idk how or y, they just dont. dont be so hard on him and do not let this ruin your weekend. u are making a matter out of nothing. if he was going to catch something he won't for two days, and if he strted to feel sick then u would ditch him, because he caused it for himself. lol. dont mean to sound nasty but he knows about your fear and I'm sure he understands. he should go stay at a friends or parents if he were to be sick. anyway, the odds are so low. as for right now u are def over thinking this and ruining your own weekend! stop it! celebrate and enjoy it! congrats on your promotion!

[mdgirl1977]

sadly, I agree with reeva. we emets are nuts but one thing we have to accept is that we cannot force our hygiene or paranoia on anyone else. that is part of the anxiety - it is tough to let go of our desire to control. I think dramamine or hotels are taking it WAY too far. I do not know if a bf would put up with that. you can't watch him like a hawk 24/7. Sorry, hon. I think he will be fine but you just gotta let go of the "what ifs" or you will make yourself crazy.

congrats on the promotion!!!!

[kitbuddy]

Thanks guys. I am a lot calmer now. I've been doing much better at fixating on the "what-ifs," so I will try not to worry about this and enjoy the rest of the weekend. That's the hardest part of this phobia, the fact that you can't control what others do to spread germs and illnesses.

[reevagee]

I'm really glad u are feeling better. just try to relax and enjoy your weekend =)

[Bettyemety]

Sorry I have to say this but obsessive hygiene is probably hurting you more than helping you. If your immune system never has to deal with anything, you'll have an EXTRA hard time when you actually do get sick. I wash my hands CONSTANTLY and I'm ALWAYS sick with a cold. I'm just now realizing it's probably from obsessive handwashing. I'm not saying you have to eat with your hands after being on the bus, but you also shouldn't be afraid to let your body learn how to handle germs. Good luck <3

[Syrup]

I agree with the above. For 20 years I NEVER washed my hands. Seriously. I was one of those gross people that would stick my hands under the water SOMETIMES in the restroom so that I didn't get any looks! HA! Sad, but true. During that time I was N E V E R sick. EVER!!!!!! You are overreacting, which of course is what we do. Learn from this! Our bodies can take A LOT of germs and come out just fine. He'll be fine and you'll be fine!

[KaydeeJayde]

Everyone else is right, we can't expect people to live by our rules. We are the ones with the phobia. We are the ones who have the fear and who make up rules that are near on impossible for anyone else to live by. We need to adapt to everyone else, not the other way around.

Glad you're feeling a bit better