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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Post Alone with the Fear

    I guess I knew this day would come.

    After several years without a major incident, I find myself at the mercy of my emetophobia again. This afternoon, my wife started feeling unwell, had the dry heaves while still in the room with me, then got sick in the bathroom of our very, very small studio apartment. The door was closed, but the sounds terrified me in a way I hadn't felt in years because I knew this could be something contagious and I was just feet away from where it was happening.

    Panicked, I froze and cried. I had been reading articles on norovirus, recently, on how it's so robust and easy to catch. And though I don't know what is ailing my wife, the fact that I don't know has my mind reeling and fills me with such intense dread of what may come.

    My wife and I had a contingency plan, of sorts, in place, where I would head to a hotel if she became ill with sv and that's where I am now...but if it was sv (or worse), I'm not sure how much I was exposed before I left. I put on one of those germ masks that are common here in South Korea before she came out of the bathroom and asked her to close the bathroom door when she was finished. I'm sure I came into contact with some of the same surfaces she did, though, and, of course, she was resting nearby in bed as I packed my bags.

    My wife contacted me to tell me that she was still feeling n* and that she went to a local medical clinic. The doctor didn't seem to think it was a virus, but something related to her diet and digestion. Unsurprisingly, I'm not convinced.

    The only thing to do is wait. And the waiting is agony. Per my routine during these times, I won't let myself eat or drink (hungry or not) and I will fight sleep for as long as possible. I'm terrified I will wake up sick in the middle of the night.

    Being alone, my fear is amplified, so I guess this post is a distress signal to those who have navigated these murky waters and can relate.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,995

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    first of all, not eating or sleeping will not keep you from getting sick if you were exposed. I am sorry your wife is sick, that stinks so bad. I have no idea if she is sick sick or if it really is her diet. But you should eat and rest. Even something small like noodles or crackers and peanut butter. Just something. Try to make yourself go home in a day or two. Facing this is hard but it is important.

    off topic, although a tough post to read, I love your writing style and flow.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Thanks, mdgirl1977, I appreciate your candor, and your kind words about my writing, as well.

    Not eating during these times is kind of hard-wired into me, a childhood coping mechanism that just stuck, I suppose. Rationally, I know you're right, but nothing about this (or any) phobia is rational -- once it takes hold, the fear seems to override reason.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,995

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    oh I agree. this phobia is a very sneaky one. it's tough to rationalize it. well, just rest and consider eating if you feel up to it :/. at least promise me you will stay hydrated.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Will do. I have to admit, the complimentary bottle of water they gave me when I checked in is starting to look mighty appealing...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Dunedin, NZ
    Posts
    1,569

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    I agree with mdgirl on the writing! I have four children and have been v on, at, and even had it hit my face and never got it. Keep up hand hygiene. Big warm hugs, my thoughts are with you. xx
    Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Thanks, Mamafear! I ended up falling asleep and awoke this morning without incident, which was a great relief -- that's one day down...two more to go and I'll hopefully be in the clear. I haven't heard from my wife yet today -- naturally, she's probably sleeping in late -- but I hope she had a good, restful night and is feeling better. In times like these, I get so caught up in obsessive thinking that I almost forget that there's another person suffering in a different way -- a very sobering reminder when that person is a loved one.

    On a related note, I think parents with emetophobia are remarkable; as a non-parent, reading through the forums, I'm just in awe of the parents caring for their sick children, all the while struggling with this phobia. My hat's off to you all.
    Last edited by mrbleaney; 05-15-2014 at 09:56 PM.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    It's great that your wife is so understanding of your phobia! If she closed the door and you wernt in there when it happened your probably safe. If you had to pick things up from the bathroom then you could be exposed but I'm sure you washed your hands so no problem. Your tooth brush wasn't in there? Other than that just bleach your place when you get back. I put on gloves and a mask to do it

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Believe me, NicManri, I am so grateful to have such an understanding spouse; it means the world to me. I'm pretty sure the bathroom door was completely closed while she was being sick, and I know she closed it afterwards. I didn't go in the bathroom at any point (in fact, I tried my best to keep my distance at all times), let alone take anything from in there -- I figured I could pick up any needed toiletries later at the store -- but I had to wait until I got to the subway station before I could wash my hands. I don't think I touched my face in the interim, but, now, I'm nervous about touching my bags and anything I packed because my hands hadn't been washed at that point. Though I didn't touch anything that had been directly exposed to v*, I'm worried I may have come into contact with something in a second-hand way. The OCD part of this phobia can be maddening.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Believe me I understand. My bf had a bout of v and d last year and then just flu like symptoms for a few days. I bleached the kitchen every day for a week even though I wouldn't let him in there. But someone on here told me you pretty much have to have direct contact with the germs. Meaning your wife would have had to have been sick in her hands (not washed them) touch the door nob and then you would have had to touch that and put your hands in your mouth. It wouldn't transfer to 3 or 4 other items. I haven't found anything to confirm that though, but as long as you wash your hands before eating your very unlikely to get it.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Thank you for the reassurance; I'm trying to stay as positive as I can, so that is a great help.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Hey mrbleaney I have felt so comforted reading your post, as weird as that sounds. I am also living in South Korea right now, in a tiny shoe box studio apartment that my boyfriend frequently stays in. He got sick a few weeks ago and it sent me into a full relapse of my phobia ( I hadn't had anything for several years just a few minor flare ups, I thought I had it under control.) If it makes you feel any better, I didn't get sick from him and we had shared food that day, been in close contact and I had used the same bathroom. However, since that time I have been anxious and nauseas everyday. I can't sleep at night because the nausea always hits at that time and it makes it worse being in a foreign country where I can't communicate my problems or seek help for this easily. If you ever wanna talk about it more please contact me. It might be comforting to talk with someone who has similar problems. I hope everything goes well with you and your wife. Stay strong!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Hello janoski006, great to hear from someone in the ROK, too -- I was starting to think I was the only one in the country with emetophobia! Though I wish neither of us had to be revisited by this phobia (it's been years since my last big attack, as well), it is indeed comforting to know that there's someone in a similar situation, who can relate.

    Your recent experience with your boyfriend does give me some hope that things will turn out all right here, so thank you for sharing it; I'm sorry to hear your anxiety persists -- I know how rough that can be with accompanying n*. Though my wife has only v* the one time, she's had dry heaves since then and other symptoms, so I'm now pretty certain it is a sv at the least, which makes me all kinds of anxious. Though I slept okay last night, I think tonight might be a rough one.

    Besides my wife, I don't have any friends in South Korea, let alone any that would understand my phobia; in that way, it can be terribly isolating. So, if you're feeling anxious these days/nights, too, I think it would be a real boon if we could talk sometime, and I would like that very much. I'm afraid I'm not very social media savvy -- should I just send you a PM and is there a good time to contact you?

    Thank you for the words of encouragement. It's nice to meet you and I hope we can talk soon.
    Last edited by mrbleaney; 05-17-2014 at 01:32 AM.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Since your wife is very respectful of your phobia I imagine she will clean up after herself and take proper precautions. And when you get back home you can bleach everything, make sure you get the light switches and remotes. Also get a new toothbrush and you'll be good to go! Remember she is contagious for 3 days after her symptoms stop so don't let her prepare food. I've been with my bf for 4 years and never caught any of the things my bf have had

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    For sure, NicManri. My wife and I have been chatting and going over what needs to be sanitized and, in some cases, thrown out. Thanks so much for the advice. It'll take a while to get comfortable back home, but I'm sure things will return to normal in time.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Mrbleaney for sure you can send me a PM at any time, or if you would like I could provide you my email or something and we could support each other that way. You're right about it being incredibly isolating, not just the feeling of being alone in it, but also the fact of being unable to communicate what you need for help here or seek the resources that would have been coping mechanisms back home.
    I would love to talk with you though so we can provide each other with some support and give each other strength if/when it's needed. Who knows, maybe we'll even find some others floating around on here in the ROK and we could form a little support group together haha.
    I hope your wife is feeling better and that you can return home soon.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Korea
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Alone with the Fear

    Great hearing from you again, janoski006! Just sent you a PM. I'm happy to report that my wife is starting to feel better; thanks so much for the well wishes. How are you doing?
    Last edited by mrbleaney; 05-17-2014 at 11:27 PM.

 

 

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