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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Well I WAS doing okay... but then this happened.

    I believe that I have emetophobia... And if this isn't emetophobia I don't know what else it could be.

    I've had this issue ever since I was very young and I don't remember how it started. My earliest memories is in a doughnut shop that my mom would always take me to before school. I was in possibly the second grade at the time? Maybe even pre-k? I don't know.

    I'm not sure what it's like for others with this phobia but for me it's like an inescapable cycle. It starts with the news of going out, either to eat or in public places with lots of foods such as a mall. My anxiety starts to raise. Then, the more and more I think about and try my best not to, I just can't help but gag a little. Next, is me running to the nearest trash can or bathroom and then vomiting.

    I was doing really well for a long time of controlling my fear until three days ago AND the day before yesterday.

    Three days ago my family and I went to the one mall that I don't really like because it's too far away from home, my safe zone, and it's the one with the really big and loud and smelly food court. The smells of food in a high energy place can be a trigger sometimes. Thankfully I didn't have a panic attack in the mall... Just outside as we were leaving the trucks... I tried my best to keep it together before and after the movie. (Maleficent was awesome by the way, so great that I forgot about my fear for awhile.)

    And the day before yesterday my Aunt took my sisters and I to the zoo. The one place that I really, really, really, love and thought that I would be safe from panic attacks and never have them there... I was wrong. My anxiety started when I woke up. I was nervous I guess from the day before, concerned because I was doing so well and to have that happen suddenly... It was terrifying. I did my best to push my fears out of my head and it worked for a little while. Until my group went to the foods... By then I was quickly walking to the bathroom and that's were I stayed until some worried strangers called one of the zoos medics, who got me two ice packs, one for the back of my neck and the other for one arm pit, and ice cold water and then proceeded to take me to the First Aid room.

    The room reminded me of high school because I'd always go to the nurses office when I was feeling anxiety. It made me feel a little better but also reminded me of all the terrible times I had in there.

    My group was called to be in there with me as they couldn't allow me to be by myself in the room. Zoo rules I suppose. My cousin bought me fries to put some food in my stomach because I had nothing to eat that morning. Or any morning for that matter. My traumatic experience in the doughnut shop were enough to make me completely stop eating in the morning... When I was in Jr High I never ate both breakfast and lunch because of my traumatic experiences there. I thought if I didn't eat I wouldn't vomit and that's partly true but having an empty stomach doesn't stop me from gagging and spitting up spit and mucus.

    And so, there I was in the First Aid room thinking about how controlling this fear is over me. I'm ready to move on from this but I'm unsure how. I know there are therapists out there who treat Emetophobia but I fear they would cost too much. I've been to a doctor before and he suspected that I was "acting up because I might have been raped in school." And no such thing has ever happened to me. I've also been to a therapist but at the time I didn't know I had emetophobia or even such a phobia existed. Before I stopped seeing her (because she was pregnant and about to leave work for a while) she suggested that "maybe you'll just have to vomit ever morning." This was a few years ago and I never went back.

    And I don't know how telling you my stories will help but I do feel better when I was in the middle of typing this... Until now, I'm a crying mess. xD

    But anyways, thanks for reading. If you have any question, concerns, or comments please feel free to reply. :3

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Well I WAS doing okay... but then this happened.

    I don't know how to edit my post but I have something to add to it.

    Since the incident at the zoo I've been feeling anxious on and off. I still feel it right now... My mom bought vitamin B-12 supplements and nausea relief. But it doesn't seem to work fast enough.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,621

    Default Re: Well I WAS doing okay... but then this happened.

    hey atwick. I am not sure how old you are, but I suspect teens? emetophobia sucks, I know. I have had it for a while. It ebbs and flows. Some days/weeks are better. Seasons make it worse. I am a mom, so school year ending, camp starting, etc all affect it as well.

    It sounds like you have had some pretty stressful interactions with therapists. Are your parents aware of the severity of your emetophobia? I definitely think finding a good therapist would help you because it sounds like you would be responsive to talk therapy. Sometimes you have to go to 5 or more drs before you find a good one. I think I have been to about 20 drs total in my life and only 3 I can remember were really good. One was great for my depression, one I saw a few years ago for emet and then I just started with one for anxiety but I think we will branch out into emet soon too.

    I commend you for continuing to push yourself to do things like eat out, go to the zoo and visit the mall that is far from your home. You should be very proud of yourself! It is a huge thing to be able to look this fear in the face and still push on and not let it completely ruin your life. I know it sounds like you feel it is ruining your life, but from where I sit it appears you are recognizing the fear but still pushing on. Be proud of that!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Well I WAS doing okay... but then this happened.

    I'm 19, if it matters. Finally out of high school as of 2013. I haven't told my parents. My dad doesn't live with me and I don't know how to exactly tell my mom without breaking down.

    I told my twin sister and my older sister that "I think I have emetophobia" but I don't think they understand. I know my older sister doesn't believe me.

    Her birthday is coming up and she's been making everything about her, I get it I guess, 21 and all. But I don't want to tell my mom until maybe a few weeks after my sister's party because I don't want to ruin it for her. And her party is going to be at a restaurant, so I fear that I'll vomit at the place and make a scene and ruin her birthday or that I'll back out and stay home only to have her be mad at me.

    But thanks for being proud, it makes me feel better. I've always thought that I couldn't be able to hold up a job, so I'm volunteering at an animal shelter once a week to try and simulate a job so I can get used to it.

 

 

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