Do you REALLY want to get over emet?

[izzybee]

I've been thinking for the past few days. do I really want to get over emet? The obvious reaction would be yes, but then I started thinking about it and to be honest I dont want to get rid of it. I want my emet to be alot milder again but I really dont want no to fear v*. This sounds a bit wierd and i'm not sure if I can explain very well. I think its just that I cant imagine doing something and just not worrying about in I v*. I think that when I see myself cured I see myself v* alot which is not the case but maybe that has scared me. I dont know. I'm confused myself but I'm just not really sure of anything at the moment! Maybe this whole thing will pass but I dont know, I guess i'm just scared of the future...

[crazybeautiful]

Funny you mention that Izzy. I was thinking about it yesturday as well.


What I'm scared about is...IF I do get cured of this stupid phobia and am able to throw up without fear how will that feel? I don't want to ever throw up again, this fear is kind of a part of me. I'd love to be over it, but at the same time, I don't think I can ever see myself being "Okay" with throwing up.

[sweetfreak]

Think about it. Is anyone really "ok" with v*. Not really. Nobody likes to do it, they just don't think about it all the time. The cure is being able get on with every day life without constantly thinking about whether you are going to v* or not or if someone else is. People without emet don't feel good about the act, they just do it without thinking about it and get it over with. And you know what? They are right! Because you always feel better after you do it! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[Melikasa]

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sweet freak said what I was going to say. Getting over Emet is more of getting over the 24/7 worry of being sick. People who aren't emet (unless they are emetophiles) are still not liking the act of getting sick or seeing someone sick but just get over it. Where as an Emet will dwell on it.


Yeah I think I want to get over it. I don't ever want to enjoy it or become numb to it but I want the panicking to go away.</TD></TR>
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[NCsmile6]

Good question Izzy!


I have alwyas thought about this too...


Like you, my initial reaction was YES, I WANT IT GONE!! But part of me wants to hold onto it. I feel like it's a part of me. I know you shouldn't let your illnesses define you, but it HAS shaped who I am, and I feel that I need it there for some reason. Does that make sense? It's the same with my anxiety disorders and OCD. I hate them and they are constantly making life miserable and sometimes unbearable, but I don't know what I would do without them. Does that make sense? I know that sounds really weird...

[crazybeautiful]

I understand when people say "No one likes being sick". But some people I have talked to about it, have no problems being sick. They think it's great, makes them feel better and they actually like it. I look at them bewildered.


I agree Neha, it's a part of me now.

[2jo2]

They like it?? Yeesh.... I don't ever want to get that way. I just want the obsessions to stop, and I don't want to remember every single situation that has to do with v* for the rest of my life and play them like movies in my head. I just want to go through life and not have to think about whether or not someone's going to v*. I want to enjoy spending time at people's houses, I want to enjoy going out, I want to enjoy things other people enjoy, without emet being a constant thing in the back of my mind.

[izzybee]

I think having anxiety and emet makes me feel safe. I'm not sure why casue it also scares me! But I feel more safe with it than I thinK i would without it

[NCsmile6]

I see what you are saying Izzy, in some ways the emet and anxiety, OCD, etc.does give me a sense of security, but then it also scares the crap out of me at the same time, which is so ironic!! I wish we could understand these things better! The human mind is so interesting!


Edited by: NCsmile6

[sage]

I think it's true that having the anxiety response makes one feel "safe" somehow. That's probably the root of the whole thing, in one way or another.


I just know, for the sake of anyone who wonders, that when I got cured of the fear of doing it myself I still never did it for 7 years and then it was just the one time and I was only scared for 10 seconds before, then it was NOTHING and then it was over and I never thought of it again, and that was 8 years ago. My husband didn't vomit for 23 years then one day he did from drinking some weird Scotch the night before. He didn't like it very much at all, he said. It was terrible.


So it seems like it's bad enough for a lot of people to avoid it at all costs. But I'd think the thing you DON'T want is for it to ruin your life. Emet decides where you'll go, what you'll do, how much fun you'll have. Sometimes it ruins careers, marriage, having children, and a social life. Trust me, vomiting for 10 seconds once every 20 years is not worth ruining so much stuff!


So my point is that being cured doesn't make me do it more. It just means I'm not afraid all the time. Like Soluene said once - think of it like spiders...if you see one you'll scream and be scared. But you just don't think about them all the time. People with spider phobias are also afraid that if they're cured they just won't care about spiders, and so spiders will be more likely to be crawling on them. We all know this just isn't true.

[hippychick]

In my mind i sometimes think emetophobia is like an abusive person. It scares you, terrifies you, makes your life miserable and restricts everything you can do. But its all you know and you don't quite know how to survive without it. But you can.


If you can live with this awful awful problem, and be strong enough to still wake up every day, then surely you are strong enough to do anything. Especially to survive without it. I Don't know if i can be cured, i do know that i can get my emet to a managable level. Whereby i sometimes have panic attacks, but i can control them. It doesnt stop me from living my life and i feel free. I know this because its how i feel these days. My emet bothers me only when i really truely think i might V* If i do start to panic about feeling sick, i stop and i wonder why i am panicking and usually there is another cause than actually feeeling sick.


The panic response is a habit, it is familiar, its all you know how to do when you feel nauseated and thinking of coping a different way is scary. But you can do it, you can break the pattern of panicking.


It is a part of you, but it is not you. Everyone here has something else they can offer the world, something they can do. Different parts to their personality. But emetophobia will overshadow all that if you let it. I personally have learned a lot from the problems i have had, thats not going to go away just because i stop panicking every day.


One thing i always have to remind myself is that the point is not to get to a stage where i like V*, just to not let it control ANY aspect of my life. It can be done, and its new and its scary, but then whats the alternative?? To hide in the shadows for the lifetime and never show anybody what i have to offer? No thanks!!! I am worth more than that and so are each and every one of you.


I'm sure i had a point before i started rambling here, Oh yeah, Sometimes i dont want to let everything go, because isn't that what V* is like? Letting everything out. Stop trying to fight V*ing for the rest of your life and instead try and fight the panic and the terror that goes with it. You are all worth more than being known as "just an emetophobe"

[izzybee]

Thanx everyone. I certainly want to get my emet down to a manageble level becaue It has got so bad in the last year. I would idealy like it to be like it was when I was about 5. I hated others and mydelf v* but I didnt panic about it, I just thaught it was disgusting


I've been thinng about when my emet started and I still think it was from birth - first year.


**graphic**


I remember a girl v* in assmberly when I was in transition (Aged 4-5). She was hurried out of assemberly and sawdust was put over it, it was in our classroom aswell and I just thaught that was horrible!! This girl was being sent hom but still in our classroom. I thaught 'what if she v* again, she's right infront of us' I just really didnt want her to v* again for us all to see'


**end**


I think that was one of my first emet experiances where I recognised that i feared soemthing (although I didnt know what a fear was at that age). It didnt cause my emet but I'd like to be at that stage again, sitting in a room with v* in it and the girl that did it and not panic and run around screaming (like I would do now!!!!) Just to sit and think!


hmmmmmmm Emet is so confusing at times, but I think i'm just going to be brave and say YES to therapy!!!

[sage]

Hippy,


That post was really beautiful - and really profound. I printed it out. If I wanna use it in something I publish, I'll ask you first, k?

[hippychick]

Hippy,


That post was really beautiful - and really profound. I printed it out. If I wanna use it in something I publish, I'll ask you first, k?

Thanks [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]Sometimes i get carried away!!! I guess i have had a glimpse of an emet free life and i want everyone to!!


Anyway, thanks! And sure publish it anywhere.

[rachelle]

Hey,

As someone mentioned above about their friend - my mum doesnt worry about vomiting (im making myself type 'it' from now on) she has even on a few occasions made herself sick so that she would feel better - how on earth does she do it?!

Naturally I do wish that I wouldnt get so panicky about everything little thing associated with vomiting, but I do feel that this phobia is part of me, and without it... well its sad but I dont know what id be like!


Rachel xxx

P.S Hippychick, ur post really has really inspired me. Thank u.