It's my own fault and it's gonna Happen

[Sjg333]

Some (most) people on here are probably used to my nightly panics by now and will also know I have a drinking problem (but I am currently on a waiting list for a detox programme). Yesterday I drank two bottles of wine opposed to my daily one bottle because I went to a friends who were all drinking coz of football and so I had an extra bottle! I'm usually fine with two bottles but woke up this morning feeling nauseous.... So I stopped the nausea by drinking another bottle of wine today! That's what I drink daily anyway so my body is used to that. It doesn't get me drunk, just sleepy and comforted and less anxious (temporarily of course).
Tonight I was invited to a BBQ by someone I don't really get on with, and have been worrying about my boyfriend taking drugs as he does with this particular group of friends that were there. He didn't, but the worry was still there. I drank my second bottle of wine today at the BBQ. Then loads of us went to the pub from there, I didn't drink alcohol, wasn't drunk at all I just stuck to water and juice but felt sooooo sick it's untrue! In the end I had to get my bf to walk me back to his, made him tuck me up with a sick bucket and water and he's gone back to the pub.
I'm so anxious because I feel so sick and I know it's the build up of alcohol but I have no anti sickness stuff here except pepto bismol which doesnt work! I've taken an anti anxiety tablet which I think is helping a little but still so worried about being sick!
I'm also so worried about my bf coming home and throwing up all night from drinking! He is the kind of person that LIKES v-ing especially when drunk and he said it's the one night all his friends are in town so he's gonna enjoy himself and be back really late/early! So I just know that is coming!
I'm a nervous wreck! I'm kids films coz they're comforting! Have my sick bowl and water but apart from that I'm all alone and just so scared for the night ahead

[mdgirl1977]

oh honey I so wish I could be there to take care of you and be a sober buddy for a few days or weeks because you are on such a viscous cycle. 4 bottles of wine in a 24-36 hour period is scary. do you think maybe going to urgent care may be a good idea if you are that drunk? I'm worried about you.

[Healed]

What about AA meetings?

[Sjg333]

Haha aww thank you so much! The thing is I'm actually not drunk at all! I haven't been all day even after two bottles of wine I just got the physical feeling nauseous symptoms which sucks! at least if I was drunk i don't think id be panicking as much lol. I'm so nervous about my bf returning home and throwing up next to me all night. Well Obvs id go sleep in a spare room but even just the thought of him being so drunk he's throwing up scares me to death coz he'll happily get like that! I'm so nervous! He has work in the morning so he shouldn't be TOO much longer I shouldn't think but he already told me he was gonna stay out later than usual and drink more coz a lot of his old friends have travelled to be here that he hasn't seen in ages! I just wish I was normal and it didn't scare me so much

[Sjg333]

Thanks! I have tried AA before and did meet some lovely people there that were really supportive but I didn't really feel comfortable in the group, the way it was set out and stuff. I have zero confidence so sitting in an open circle and having to stand in front of 20+ people and talk about my experiences was awful! Plus AA they use a lot of bible stuff and I'm open to listening to things like that but I'm not particularly a religious person so wasn't really relating as much as others were. I'm looking into different support groups though

[mdgirl1977]

you can feel not drunk but still have reached the point of alcohol poisoning :/ I worked in drug court for years and have training in this area :/

[Sjg333]

Oh ok :/ yeah the nausea is so bad I can't breathe from panic either it's getting worse don't know what to do!

[mdgirl1977]

I don't want you to be ill, but if you do it is because your body needs to expel all the alcohol because it is too much. I really want you to get help, honey. I worry so much.

[Sjg333]

Thank you so much for caring! I still haven't v'd- do you think I would have by now? I have been sat here over 2 hours! It's still so bad though! I'm scared to go to sleep incase I wake up and it happens! My bf has just walked through the door scared he's gonna be sick in front of me or I'll hear it

[NicManri]

I'm sorry. I can tell you part of it is anxiety from worrying about your bf getting sick. Is there more than one bathroom? If my bf is sick I sleep on the couch with the TV up loud so I don't here him. That is a lot of alcohol and I know our reaction is to hold it in but in this case it might be good to get it out

[Sjg333]

Luckily my bf wasn't sick so it's all good now! I'm still feeling terrible but nowhere near as bad as I was! Just hope I can sleep tonight ... Defo no alcohol tomorrow!!

[psalm139]

I'm glad to hear about your boyfriend. I hope you can get into that detox place really soon. When you go be sure to let them know of your Emet. They might be able to give you some nausea meds. Please keep us updated. That much drinking is scary. Praying for you

[Sjg333]

Thank you I hope I get in soon too! Today I'm not feeling as sick as last night but have bad d and worrying it's a bug feel terrible and all I want is to drink to get rid of it but I'm not going to

[angela638x]

I am worried about you stopping your drinking cold turkey if you are used to consuming alcohol every day. Withdrawing from alcohol can be fatal when you are physically dependent on it. I don't want you to have a seizure! I am a social worker and a licensed drug and alcohol counselor; I have worked on a detox for 4 years and know how dangerous alcohol can be. I hope that if you start to feel really ill you get yourself to an emergency room.

[AoD]

Careful with alcohol, you need to wean yourself off slowly, you cannot go cold turkey. The d* is most likely because you drank even more than usual, it is very irritating to the gut. I doubt it's a bug, but like others have mentioned you cannot just go from drinking a bottle daily to not drinking a drop, your body cannot deal with that. It would be best to talk to a specialist or check yourself into the ER if you are set on not drinking today, before you have problems from withdrawal. As angela said, it can be lethal to go cold turkey.

[kam142]

I agree with the others. You need to seek medical help ASAP. Waiting for detox or doing it by yourself are both very bad ideas and will most likely make you vomit or worse. I really really hope you get help sooner rather than later x