Think I have emetophobia, however it effects me in a strange way?

[shaaan1329]

My fear of vomiting started at around the age of 6. My nana, who I was extremely close to, had breast cancer and I went to visit her in the hospital. I distinctly remember a nice doctor man giving me a lollipop for being "brave", I took this lolly into the room to see nana, at the time she was on a vigorous course of chemo which caused her to lose her hair, become gaunt and not forgetting the unpredictable vomiting. As I went to hug her, she was sick all down herself, centimetres away from where a 4 year old me was standing, still sucking that same lollipop in shock. According to my mum who was with me at the time, I was fine, just a bit shocked; it wasn't until a few years later, when my popa (grandad) ate something which didn't agree with him, and told us all her felt sick. I didn't actually see him throw up, just him telling us he was going to and leaving the room but I remember becoming extremely upset and anxious but nobody could understand why, I didn't even know myself and it is only recently we've put two and two together.. I'm still not 100% sure this was the trigger of my fear.

As the title says, I THINK I have emetophobia.. I have done some research but many of the people who suffer from it seem to be more bothered by themselves getting sick.. to an extent I am the same, I constantly check my chicken to see if it's cooked, if I know someone has been ill, I do think about me getting it, but my problem seems more to be with others being sick. I would happily get sick everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to deal with others. I don't like anyone being sick, say if someone in town is sick, I will cry, be very anxious, but I will cope, it is worse when it is someone close to me, for example my mum, nana and boyfriend. Aside from the usual anxiety, fear and nerves, including shaking and sweating, I feel immense anger towards the person close to me being ill. I know, deep down it is not their fault, it's obvious, my rational self knows that someone is not to blame for getting a sickness bug (getting sick from drinking too much on the other hand is self inflicted and will annoy me), I just can't seem to shake that anger. I haven't come across anyone who gets angry at the person, it is usually just a case of leaving the room and laying low, but not for me. I get verbal and say horrible things, which when I tell the person I can't help it, they obviously don't believe me. I don't know where to turn or what to do, it's starting to effect me on a day to day basis. I am thinking ahead to the future and living with my partner, if he ever gets sick I don't know how I'll cope, thankfully in the almost 5 year relationship he has never gotten ill, but he obviously will at some point. My fear or whatever this is seems to have escalated however, an example is recently on a trip to Greece, my partner got diarrhea and I reacted terribly. I cannot seem to empathise, I got angry, defensive, but when I say I can't help it, he doesn't understand and who blames him? It's just down right weird! I am OK a while after, when he's back to his usual self between bouts of toilet going, but once it happens again, despite kicking myself for my reaction last time and promising to change, I regress and do exactly the same. I just need some advice, similar stories, anything that can guide me as I really feel alone and lost as talking to people doesn't help as they don't get it, unsurprisingly, and opening up isn't really my forte at the best of times, let alone about something as personal and embarrassingg as this. PS sorry about the length guys.

[anna81]

You sound pretty similar to me. I hate v'ing but my problem is mostly others v'ing (since having my daughters it is very much focused on them v'ing)
With my husband my first instinct is to shout at him if I think he's about to v, I think it's as I am instantly in a panic! Then I get really angry if he tries to face towards me in bed after, I normally tend to go sleep on the sofa so I don't have to be near him! I really make an effort to stay calm with my daughters if one of them vs as I don't want them to pick up on my panic!
It definitely sounds to me like you have emetophobia.
Forgot to say, I also really shout at my cats if I think they are about to v too! As I just want them away from me! I remember being a young child and my dog started heaving in my room and I totally freaked out and screamed at him!

[JMA]

I've also been nasty to those who v* around me. I can remember (and name!) every child who did during my childhood from grade one through to grade 13. There was at least one a year, sometimes visibly, (which I can never erase from my mind) or sometimes not. A couple of them were repeat performers. I never befriended these people because I felt they ruined my life. I feel bad about it now, but I'll never be able to get over those images.

My husband got s* one night, and my first instinct was to help him, so I poured a glass of water and brought it to him, but when I got in there, I said "Wow, that smells a-MAZing", left the room, plugged my ears, had a massive panic attack and waited for him to come back so I knew he was okay. Agreeing with anna81, I also prefer to sleep on the sofa, and certainly if in the same bed, facing opposite directions.

[MaybeBaby]

That sounds just like me. My mom was sick with breast cancer from one month after I was born til she passed away when I was 2. She was very sick from chemo. I don't really remember anything. But my subconscious... that's where this comes from. I check dates and make sure meat is overdone before I'll eat it. I also totally get it. When I was pregnant with my daughter I had pretty intense morning sickness. I threw up daily for over half of it. But it didn't make me anxious. I couldn't make anyone else sick. I am way more anxious when other's are sick. All my panic posts are about other people around me getting sick. Nothing about times when I thought I might throw up.