I really really need some support

[LittleFlo]

I've posted something like this before but I just need to say it all again.

I've really had enough. I'm sat in tears because I just am so fed up with this fear and I long for a life without it. I think about v* constantly, every few minutes. I'm already panicking about winter and Noro and planning to starve myself to get through the season. I feel scared to sleep every night as I think, this could be the night I wake up and it happens. Every night. I'm so drained. I daren't drink really either. I'm obsessed about date checking and food being really hot. If someone says they've been ill and it's recently I want to run away and hide. I feel plagued by thoughts of v* and the dread of the next time I will v* and knowing that that is inevitable makes me feel suicidal.

Can someone tell me how to get through as ice never been this bad, ever. Please someone help x

[Soph1999]

Im thinking about october time myself when noro session comes back... But the worst thing you can do is not eat!! It will just lower your immune system... I know its so hard to eat when anxious about v*ing (because im the same) but even just something light like soup will just help you through it! I just dont eat food that isnt prepared by myself in the winter, i stay WELL clear of anyone who stays they feel ill or have been ill and just keep the hygiene standards high! I sit there most nights panicking over whether it will happen or not but ive been in cbt for a year now so im learning ways to deal with it slowly, im practising now before it becomes winter and the anxiety gets even worse!! If ever you want chat im here!

[LittleFlo]

I know, when I'm anxious I feel an aversion to food which makes me panic more. My lifestyle means I'm always around people and eating out and about - I'm an actress, and a private tutor who goes to people's houses. I'm always around people and I live in London so always on public transport. I'm also staying with family/friends ATM whilst I save up for a house. I don't feel terribly settled and would prefer to have my 'safe space' away from others if I was to be ill. Is CBT helping? I did an online course of it and it didn't work for me. I'm waiting to see a psychologist in October for some one to one work.

[Soph1999]

Ohh... Thats tough! I couldnt deal with it! CBT is taking ages to kick in, they said it takes a while and im starting to pick it up after a year of doing it! Its just a matter of time i guess! But that sounds good with whats planned in october. Actually you know whats helped me quite a lot is having my own dog, he is my life to be honest, when i feel i little uptight i just go to him and either ill cry to him and he will just lick my ears... (Thats his way of comforting) or ill play with him for a bit until i calm down a bit!

[LittleFlo]

Aww my parents have a dog and I find her very calming. The CBT I did was for general anxiety so I didn't feel like it addressed the specific feelings around the phobia or why I felt them. It was practical in some ways but because my fear felt so strong those practical steps felt too soon.

[Soph1999]

Yeah ive been through one hell of a lot this year, i can never help myself during a panic, only two people could help me and that was one of my school teachers who has now left but so have i (im home tutored now) and my therapist who is leaving in 2 weeks and im not aloud to stay in touch with her! I can sometimes 'zone out' if im lucky where i just go very still, dont breathe and i cant hear anything around me. Dont ask how i do it because as soon as i come back the panic continues! Haha! But overall cbt hasnt helped LOL! Just that i could talk to my therapist and let a lot of stuff out

[LittleFlo]

Yeah I know what you mean about zoning out. I was prescribed diazapam to alleviate the worst physical symptoms of anxiety but ironically I had nausea as a side effect haha. Wish I could take something that strong which didn't upset my stomach.

[Soph1999]

I was given diazepam when i was in hospital! Haha! But im on sertraline now and i just had anti-emetic tablets for the forst 2 weeks to ease the n* and it fades eventually! Couldnt you have anti-emetic with them??

[LittleFlo]

How did you manage to get anti-emetics prescribed? I really want to but don't know how. My doc already knows about my fear of v* so I don't think he will let me have them unless it's for a medical reason.

[Soph1999]

Umm... Thats another story! LOL But i. Got told by the doctor i could take 3 a day to ease it! But as soon as that went, i was t aloud anymore haha!