Anxiety out of the blue

[LittleFlo]

In recent weeks I've started getting really anxious about v* whilst I'm getting ready for bed for no real reason whatsoever. It's happening tonight and I can't stop shaking or convincing myself tonight will be the night I v*.

As I've said previous posts, I am going through stress anyway - I'm between houses staying with a friend until I move in to my new flat next week. Not being settled in your own place means I feel I don't have that 'safe space' when you're anxious or feeling n* or think you do. I'm also in the middle of a court process against a violent ex. I think these two things are making my phobia worse as I feel out of control of two aspects of my life and so I fear v* even more as it represents losing control even more.

When a random attack strikes, even if you aren't even feeling remotely n* or been near v* or anything... What do you do to calm down? I can't keep staying up late panicking when I have to work the next day. Tomorrow I have to be up early for an audition and even though I'm tired and want to sleep, all I can think of is, well if I do I may wake up and v*. Then I start imaging sensations (warmth in my lower stomach and lower back I find one of the most disturbing ones - anyone else get that?!)... What can I do? I'm due to see a psychiatrist next month again for therapy but until then I can't live like this. Also the more exhausted I am, the more I'm worried I will fall ill and also I'm less able to deal with the anxiety.

[mhartse]

i understand that feeling of impending doom and not having a safe place. But it just shows how brave you really are. So go with that! Just gotta think positive. Get a magazine, watch some t.v go for a walk. You can't let those negative thoughts go on a rampage in your head. It'll just consume you. I hope you get some rest from this.

[LittleFlo]

Thanks. I don't feel brave at the moment though, I feel like my phobia is taking over my mind. I've just woken up in the night, panicking. I hate it. Physically I feel horrid. I'm shaking, my throat is dry, I just want to cry. When I am like this it's very hard to find a distraction. I worry and think, why have I woken up? Does that mean I will v*? I'm so exhausted from this.

[EimsieG]

You poor thing! I don't really get panic attacks any more (they do get better if you learn to recognise the signs and try to stop them before they start!) but when I used to get them (a few times a day at one point) I found I needed a few things at once to distract me. Phone games are great, something like Tetris or 2048 that aren't totally mindless, and maybe listen to music or watch TV
At the same time. That way panicky thoughts have no room to get in!

[EimsieG]

Also I can totally relate to the waking up thinking you woken up just to be sick! But of all of the hundreds of times I've woken up like that, I've never v, it's just harder to reason yourself out of a panic when you're half asleep which makes the panic seem worse than normal!

[LittleFlo]

Yeah I sometimes find scrolling up and down Facebook or just googling random things helps. Mindless is best!
Yeah you're right... Me neither... The two times I have v* in 15 years - both times I was already awake, one was a bug and one was a kidney infection. I guess he's because you hear of a lot of people going to bed totally fine then being ill in the night. Or waking up in the morning and feeling ill. I would prefer the latter as n* in the middle of the night is the most horrific thing as you're often on you're own as no one is awake.
I did go back to sleep last night and woke up fine, had a fine day. Tonight the cycle begins of being afraid to sleep, as I feel more in control if I stay awake.

[EimsieG]

Oh no there's nothing worse than being afraid to go to sleep! I had a rough time with that for ages. Try and be really busy during the day, and don't nap if you can avoid it, to tire yourself out. Then no caffeine and try not to eat too soon before going to bed, I find that makes it harder to sleep. There are some great apps and things for helping you relax before sleeping too! And try to turn off computers or tvs, they keep you overstimulated so you don't sleep as well. Reading is great for winding down instead! and remember if you do wake up, it's for no particular reason so try to just turn over and go back asleep. Don't listen to any thoughts trying to tell you otherwise!

[LittleFlo]

Thanks so much for all your advice. I'm really busy anyway but sometimes I find that worse as when I do go to bed I can't switch off anyway. I need more sleep but I don't know how to get back to the place where I was comfortable going to bed when I was tired. Yes I have a relaxation app!
Why do we wake up??!