There is hope...

[Dmarin7]

Having dealt with emetophobia for almost 22 years I know how terrible of a mind battle this can be. I strongly believe the thoughts that affect us are very obsessional and definitely OCD if not borderline. I am new here and this is my first time posting but I wanted to share a bit of my story with you all and let you know that there IS hope. # 1 my hope is in Jesus but I am not hear to preach to you. But when I am having a terrible moment He is who I run to, pray to, and talk to. The thoughts that bombard us are truly a battle for the peace in our minds and hearts.

This phobia is such an irrational phobia that I can't believe at times someone who has vomited 2x in 22 years has fears and thoughts of the possibilities of it happening almost daily. It truly is a phobia that tortures the mind and tries to consume every waking thought. At the highest moment of stress in my life in my early 20s I had this fear BAD. I became agoraphobic. I couldn't drive. I stopped working. I hardly ate. I wouldn't do well in public places. I couldn't sit in the MIDDLE row of a movie theater. If I went to a restaurant I wanted to sit near an exit.... what was I running from? For years I did not know I had emetophobia and that it was the cause of my anxiety until God revealed it to me. Over the years I've pushed myself to do things that I feared and little by little with God's help I have overcome SOOOO much. I wouldn't eat certain foods or do certain things and over the years I have been healed of those fears and have come such a long way that would take up too much space to write about. What I want to share about with you now is the last time I became ill. I had not been ill in 9 years and it appears my husband and I both got food poisoning. He spent the entire night sick from both ends and I just had d*. However after 6-7 hours of d* I woke up and knew I had to do "it". (by the way I have no problem using the real word but I choose not to for those who are sensitive to the). So I woke up and went to the bathroom and did what I had to do. In between moments I asked my poor husband who was in the bed and exhausted from being sick all night to call 911! One of my fears of being sick is that if I start it will never stop. Now how silly is that? He yells back... you'll be fine! You don't need an ambulance. A few more seconds went by and by the time I was done and it was EVERYWHERE. I felt a bit silly that I had asked him to call 911. I cleaned up everything like it was nothing. It didn't faze me one bit. And I remember as I was done cleaning and began to walk out of the bathroom a sadness came over me.....I couldn't believe....for the past 9 years I have been fearing, wondering, concerned, worried and allowing this fear to control me for so long......I just couldn't believe I had wasted SO much precious time on something that was over in less than 1 minute. The amount of time and years wasted brought me a sadness I cannot explain. I was fine the rest of the day and I do thank God that even though it did happen it was only 1x. He showed me grace and mercy even in that and at first I was a bit upset that He had allowed it to happen but I think He wanted me to see that I was already healed from this and that I didn't have to fear it. We do not always know why He does what He does. So long story short I was good for many many months and again some stress and anxiety hit earlier this year and my tensions ran high, fears came back pretty strong but still remembering and trying NOT to let my life pass me by while I worry and focus on this THING. There are SOOOO many worse things out there that could be happening to us.

Just look at the news... Ebola, Chemo, People with horrible disorders that makes them ill all the time. Most of us are pretty healthy for the most part. Don't let a major illness or sickness be the reason you realize you've been wasting your time worrying about nothing. I know its easier said that done but I've been there done that and yes over time, with dedication and pushing through on things you fear little by little you can overcome.

The current things I am working on overcoming are fear of food poisonings vs SV from a restaurant. When I know I am going out to eat my mind kicks into high gear checking restaurant reviews and trying to carefully pick something off the menu and so on and so on and so on.

One of my biggest triumphs is having my son. I didn't not want to have kids for fear of v* and my husband talked me into it and I am so glad he did. I didn't get sick not once. Had some days of nausea but that was it and I was able to overcome. I am so glad that I chose to have my son because if not, I would have missed out on such a beautiful life that brings me such much joy.

So my point in all this is.....I'm not perfect. I'm not there yet. I'm better than where I was years ago....I'm not there yet...but one day I will be. Don't let fear win the battle of your mind. Don't let fear dictate your life. Don't let something that takes 30 seconds or less to happen dictate what you do in the hours that you are with your loved ones.

[MichelleS]

So inspiring..thank you so much for sharing your story. Like you I too turn to Jesus when I feel like my fears are overpowering me. He calms me and Satan knows the weakness and uses that against us. I was so happy to hear you actually run to Him. That is one thing I haven't heard of on here. I do share all of the time that when my anxiety and phobia hits hard I like to watch Christian tv shows of prayer. And that praying does me a lot of good. I also recite the Lords Prayer over and over and it has always calmed me when I do that. I hope someone sees your story that has really been struggling and it gives them the hope they need. Even if you never totally get over it..there are ways to get better and be able to live somewhat normal again. I don't have emet nearly as bad as some on here do. But I did at one point. I have my moments when it gets bad usually when my toder gets sick and then I am fine after a month. Or less. But I remember not wanting to leave home because of it. And not wanting a child. For more reasons than that but that was there too. Now I live in a different state..have a child and a wonderful husband. He is the one that takes xare of her when she has a sv. Because he knows about my phobia. And respects me for it. Thanks again for sharing.

[LittleFlo]

Thank you for sharing.
I understand much of what you say. The last time I was s* was in hospital from a kidney infection. It happened three times. I was very distressed in the hours building up to the first time, but I remember thinking when I did it, is that it?! Lol. I mean it wasn't nice but it was a bit like coming off a fairground ride thinking, that wasn't that scary, nowhere near as scary as it looks, I could do that again... Type thing?
But what I am struggling with is the n* side, which I admit is worse than actually v*. How do you endure it? I know you kind of have to, but that is the worst time for me as it lasts much longer than the event normally. And I think that's partly down to the unpredictable nature of the act you are building up to, not knowing when you will v*. Usually if you are vervous about something like a job interview, you what to prepare and when and how long you have. You manage your fear as it steadily increases as you get closer, that's natural. But with n*, it's not like that, you're up and down and then suddenly BAM it happens. That is what I really struggle to cope with x

[callmejessicag]

Thank you so much for sharing this. It's really inspiring to hear how you've conquered so much and even better with God. I'm a Christian too and sometimes I have this vicious cycle. Where I'm like 'I don't trust him and I could be healed' if you don't find me asking what did you start doing? I can relate to sooo many things....not wanting to sitting in the middle of rows, avoiding certain foods. I'm not as bad as I used to be. I work in a nursery with kids and I'm not obssesive with hygiene etc. But my fear strikes just randomly. Like I can be fine for a few days and then the thought kicks in I don't have an issue with typing words either, would be so good to chat to you more. X x c

[Dmarin7]

You are welcome Michelle. Honestly I do not know how people do it without God. But to each his own right? I don't want to say that God is used as good luck charm or crutch as some may think it but its just that God's children know where to run! And you are right like I said in part of my story I used to be sooooo bad that having a child was no where in the picture. I am SO thankful I did not let this fear keep me from one of the biggest blessings in this life. And thank God for your understanding husband

[Dmarin7]

Wow sorry to hear that. My husband has gone through alot of kidney issues so I know what that is like from the outside looking in. But you are RIGHT that is exactly how I felt like wooow um...that was it? THAT is what consumes all my time and worries me so much? Really!? But its like our brain is just like a CD skipping and can't play the full tract! lol.
As for the nausea...when do you notice it the most? This is important because once my anxiety levels went down my nausea went away almost completely. I also removed stuff from my diet that that was actually not doing me well. I didn't realize I was a bit lactose intolerant. Broccoli, Red Onions and other things were causing a lot of bloat and bloating can cause nausea. That is how I've been able to work through that really. Whenever I am nauseous it will be usually because I am nervous and going into panic mode. Its important to stop those thoughts when they first come on because that is when they are at their weakest. We must talk to ourselves rationally and ask ourselves... what are the chances of this REALLLLLY happening? And if it DOES happen how long can it last? 10 seconds? 20? And then what? And then what? Walk yourself through the scenario because really at the end of the day our fear is worse than THE THAT.

[Dmarin7]

Hi Jessica, would love to chat with you. Explain to me more about the not trusting you can be healed part in chat if you want. I am not sure I read or understood that sentence correctly. I do have something awesome to share with you about that and hopefully it helps out.

[ecasey315]

I am truly inspired by your post. It is so true when you really stop and think about it...it's perfectly natural, it isn't going to kill us and there are far worse things to bear. I think it's the n***&&*& before that is just the worst