Can't do this anymore

[vballxlauren1014]

I am at my breaking point right now. I feel so discouraged. I try to have a good "non emet" day, I try to go out and do things that I would otherwise enjoy, but it somehow always ends up with n* or stomach discomfort of some sort. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I am in the middle of trying to get something figured out with my stomach. I've had stomach issues for about the past 4 to 5 years, and have not got a diagnosis. Every time I go get a test for something, it comes back negative. But I still feel *n ALL THE TIME. Even when I am trying to stay active and keep my mind off of it, I somehow end up feeling ill. Lately my stomach gets this horrible "knot" like feeling right under my ribcage/sternum, it is very sensitive to the touch, and always makes me feel bloated, n*, and completely uncomfortable. I am constantly on edge because I literally NEVER FEEL GOOD. This is an every day thing. Sometimes I think it's okay because it's actually something wrong with my digestive system, but then the more tests I have that come back negative, the more I wonder if my anxiety is the sole reason for all of this stomach discomfort, *n, and just a general awful feeling. I feel like I have nothing to look forward too, as every day is just a battle with myself and trying to figure out how to make it through one day without getting some kind of stomach ache or *n. I just want it to be over. I have completely lost interest in food, because every time I eat I seem to feel awful. I don't even look forward to my favorite foods, and eating is like a chore to me right now. I would rather just go the whole day without eating, but I can't because I'm already really skinny and cannot afford to lose weight. I have an ultrasound scheduled for my gallbladder Tuesday to see if maybe it is the culprit for this constant feeling of un-wellness and *n, and if that's not it, I'm feeling like I may have given myself a stomach ulcer from all of the stress I put myself under. I just want to be normal again, I want to live my life and be happy, and not dread each day and how I will feel. Am I really doing this to myself? I really hope not, because I don't know how to control it or make it stop. I need some encouragement. I feel like giving up. I can't imagine living my life like this for the next 10 or more years even...let alone 40 or 50. I need help. I can't afford therapy, and I'm afraid of what medicine to go on. How do you emets all get anti-nausea meds prescribed? I was taking dramamine when I needed but it's addictive and it causes bad restless legs for me so it keeps me up all night when I take it, which is not what I need when I am feeling sick and having anxiety on top of it. I'm just so sad with how my life has become at the moment, I need to know that this can get better, because it just keeps getting worse.

[MichelleS]

I used to be like this. And it too would scare me. Every time I ate I would get n and then that would put me in a panic. I didn't know if I was actually sick or if it was all in my head. I ended going through therapy and was put on an anxiety medication and an anti depressant. And I learned it was two things. It was an anxiety disorder and all of my fears from getting sick along with other issues that was causing my anxiety. And I learned that I had IBS. Both of those can make you feel sick..anxious..have d or constipation..can make you loose sleep by playing off each other and just make you miserable. For me finding out that there is nothing wrong with me in medical tests is better. Because since its all anxiety and in my mind that means I take control. I get to tell this thing what to do. If that makes sense. I can choose not to feel that way because there's nothing physically wrong. With IBS anti depressants help a lot of people and then trying to find ways to cope with stress..and eating a healthy diet. IBS can also make you gassy and bloated and have pain and cramping. It alot of the time goes hand in ha d with anxiety.
It appears to me when you say you try to stay busy to get your mind off of it its still on your mind too much. Ive done that plenty of times too. Getting absorbed into something you love..to where you aren't thinking how do I feel oh now I am n...is what you need to be able to do.
The drs not finding anything should be reassuring. Have you looked into places that do counseling based on how much you can pay? Thers are places that do that when you look. A local church can offer some counseling too and might know where you can go for little to no money. You can fight this and get better. I have come a long way in my years. But it takes work. Btw I also have never taken an anti emetic medication. I have only been on an anti anxiety and an anti depressant. And the anxiety one is now an as needed basis. Its there more just so I know I have it if I really need it. Which I hardly ever do